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Posts by jenf3r
Joined: Nov 24, 2008		 Last Post: Sep 6, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 15  
From: United Kingdom (Great Britain)

Displayed posts: 18
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jenf3r   
Nov 24, 2008
Undergraduate / Alex and Su essay (the Monkey King and Alexander the Great) common app [6]

describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influences

-Hi im finished with my draft but i need some outside input. Also did i answer the question enough in my last paragraph? Thanks!!

Of the variety of characters I have read about and watched on TV, two significant figures stand out that have made an influence in my life. One is known for being cunning, powerful and immortal, holding the ability to morph into 72 objects. The other is acknowledged as one of the greatest military leaders of all time, leading undefeated armies to conquer most of the known ancient Greek world. They are Su Wukong (also known as the Monkey king) and Alexander the Great, both shares a common characteristic of ambition a value I emulate.

During my short visit to South Korea a few summers ago, I was immersed into a new culture and language while site seeing in Seoul. I instantaneously became inspired to learn as much as I can about Koreas rich culture; the mirrored affect took place for Japanese. Learning languages and studying culture has always been my passion since I was young; having Thai and Chinese influences from my parents.

I grew up with a diverse background; my favorite activity that practiced my Thai heritage would have been Thai dancing. I remember practicing every week for the anticipated performance that would be broadcasted on Thai TV, dedicated to the Queen of Thailand's birthday. For my Chinese roots, my dad has been teaching me to speak Mandarin and Cantonese more fluently and in the process we have formed a strong father and daughter bond.

At times studying foreign languages and intensive dance practices felt over whelming. However it can't compare to how daunting it is planning to conquer an empire that doubles the size of ones own, or challenging powerful deities for a place in heaven. That is why I look up to the successes of Alexander and Su Wukong because they're examples of the heights self ambition can take you. It took one aspiration of a young Macedonian prince to become one of the world's greatest conquerors; it took one aspiration of a monkey born from a rock who wanted a place in heaven become one of the most worshiped gods in China; and it takes the aspiration of a young girl to pursue her passion of languages to become a successful multilingual woman in the future. That is why I believe (name of school) would be able to guide me to success and provide me with an experience unique from all the others.
jenf3r   
Nov 25, 2008
Undergraduate / Alex and Su essay (the Monkey King and Alexander the Great) common app [6]

Hi, im kind of confused i did try to relate it back in the last paragraph saying how the characters relate to me by having ambition. And the 2nd to 3rd paragrapg i tried to link them by introducing the influences and going into detail about the. Can you please explain more of the non-relation becuase i dont realy see it.

Thanks
jenf3r   
Nov 25, 2008
Undergraduate / "my parents to teach and groom" - short 150 word response. [7]

Hi i hope this relates to the topic, Thanks

Please describe a situation from your own experience in which you recognized and overcame your own assumptions, biases and prejudices in pursuit of greater understanding and tolerance of others or describe such a situation which continues to challenge you.

Being the first generation American and the first born in my family my parents had it engraved in me from birth to make good grades, care for my younger brother and remain well mannered. Of all these requirements I understood, but growing the responsibilities became less banal than what was required of my perception of a normal teenager. I became relied on to translate bills, find orthodontists and (--), I felt burdened with responsibilities suited for parents. It was frustrating to be heavily depended on and getting scolded if I didn't meet the requirements. Over time I matured and recognized that every family functions differently. Now my perception of a normal teenage life has changed because I'm living it, my assumption of parent responsibilities were cliched abstracts, but what I am living is real. It is the reality of having responsibilities that my parent implemented that will groom me for the future.
jenf3r   
Dec 26, 2008
Undergraduate / Alex and Su essay (the Monkey King and Alexander the Great) common app [6]

Monkey king essay (new version)

Hello, well I decided to rewrite my essay with more of a concreate example
( as suggested), please tell me what you think.

Thanks!!!

describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influences ************************************************************ ****

"Saih maht geanguh", translated as why should I be scared from Chinese is my hero Su-Wukong's (also known as the monkey king) influential motto. I remember as a child my popo would replace bed time stories by telling me the adventurous tales of Su-Wukong, highlighting his courageous bravery and cunning nature. My admiration of Su-Wukong has remains incessant since childhood, in many ways his acts of diligence and confidence significantly influences the evolution of my love for studying languages.

Born from a rock and nourished by the elements of earth Su-Wukong received instruction from Subodhi the elitist see-phoo for training the offspring of gods. Upon Su Wukong's completion of his training he was able to transform into 72 various objects, cloud travel and summersault great distances. During his journey to the west Su-Wukong uses his golden rod to protect his master from yew-guays.

At first my language influences primarily came from my parents, Thai from my mammah and Chinese from my babbah. Although the tables turned upon entering school, instead of my parents now cryptic people are pressuring me to start speaking this new language, English. I loathed my teachers for keeping me after school to practice English, yet not as much as being omitted from four-square games or swinging by myself. Influenced by Su-Wukongs experience through fa-soat school and partly because my swing became labeled "Out of service", I became determined to improve my loner status. At fa-soat school Su-Wukong also held the loner status, due to his lack of human communication skills holding the vocabulary of Ooh-ooh-ah-ah's. Su-Wukong didn't want the language barrier to suppress his ability to make friends so he studied the human languages diligently. Eventually Su-Wukong perfected the human language and became accepted amongst his peers coinciding with my changed reality.

In middle school, English was not a barrier anymore enabling me to explore extracurricular activities, from volleyball, step team, NJHS and choir. From the variety of activities I participated in, choir challenged me with a new language, only this time it was not a set back it was something looked forward to conquer. Being assigned a French solo to be sung at the annual U.I.L contest, I underestimated the language of love and spent many hours practicing in hopes it will improve my chances. Again it was Su-Wukong's bravery that I chose to emulate; the Monkey king used his barefaced confidence to get what he wanted a golden rod from the ocean dragon, the same tactic won what I wanted a gold medal at the U.I.L solo competition.

Now half way through my third year of high school my interests in languages have bloomed into studying Korean Hangeul, Japanese hiragana and the Chinese dialects. Reminisce back on how my love of languages began, firstly as an obstacle overcame with diligence, secondly as stress extirpated through confidence and lastly what it is presently amusement from a favorite pastime. Su-Wukong's influence taught me the importance of diligence and confidence required when studying languages.
jenf3r   
Jan 5, 2009
Undergraduate / 'In love with the sky' - Main essay. Influential experience in ur life [21]

my advice is thinnk of the MOST interesting think that happened in your life thus far. If not then use what you got and make it INTERESTING =) Another think spend extra time on your intro. it should be the most alluring paragrah

Good luck!
jenf3r   
Jan 5, 2009
Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

It might be considerd as a late applicant. My best advices is to contact the admissions office of your school and ask =) they wont bite
jenf3r   
Jan 5, 2009
Undergraduate / Teacher of influence essay [6]

but Glennon is the

adress him fully like Mr. Glenon

I dont know if this specific essay has a word limit but if not then maybe you want to write about a specific experiance and go into detail how he inspired you even more ( make it interesting! and make us all jealous why we dont a have teacher like Mr. G) =)

Good luck
jenf3r   
Jan 5, 2009
Undergraduate / UW short essay - "race and culture at school" [5]

Its a good piece

Just my 2 cents but maybe try to incorporates some specifics. Like the major new thing you learned in all that comotion that was life changing of contradicting.

best of luck
jenf3r   
Jan 5, 2009
Writing Feedback / Peony in love is my favorite book. Take a read of this essay [5]

Hello i tried to incorporate some of my life experiances with a dash of light hearted humor, is this a good approach? or is it a big no no ? Thanks!

Favorite book and why?

"Peony in Love" by Lisa See has grown to be one of my favorite books because it not only satisfies my obsession for suspense romance novels but it also teaches a good life lesson I can relate to. The novel emphasizes on the importance of living in the present and not dwelling in the past.

Set in seventeenth century China after the Cataclysm, Peony in Love revolves around a young girl named Peony. From the start, Peony is fully aware of her destiny as a girl to be betrothed into a family and honor her husband with sons. However Peony's clear vision of the future becomes blurred when she meets a mysterious handsome stranger. Instantly overcome with grief she will not marry a man she loves, Peony slowly begins to waste away. Fate is not so kind with Peony when she learns during her last breaths of air that her future husband is indeed that mysterious stranger.

During freshman year my experience relates to Peony's adversity. Entering high school I knew exactly what to expect intense school work and strict teachers. However the center of what seemed my world shifted when my dad ended up in a hospital bed due to a heart attack. More than anything I first felt shocked and reluctant; eventually the situation sunk in but i did not let it consume me. Instead after my dad's triple bypass with his new chance at life I also felt entitled to a new beginning, to restore myself and change my flinching reactions to hideous report card scores. With this in mind, a new beginning should be accompanied with a new atmosphere so I decided to confirm my acceptance into my districts magnet school. Whom I now proudly represent, interning for at hospitals and hospices helping people who are in similar circumstances as my father once was.

Ultimately this book is significant to me because it makes me think. Think of the importance of not letting the past or school rejections act as an anchor and pull me down. Think of the importance of being optimistic about the future, for there will always be something positive waiting for me. Lastly think, about the truth behind the hackenyed phrase "when one door closes another one will open" so there is no reason to dwell in the past, only look forward to the future.
jenf3r   
Jan 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Lincoln Paper - Introductory Paragraph [11]

Hi, the best advice i can give you is to focus on using more active words instead of has, had, were etc. those are considerd lazy words.- Also you should go back and highlight all the "the's" and "is" and try to replace them with more active adjectives, or not use them at all it will make your intro stronger. I know it can be difficult to write about the past with out these certain words, but you should try. College Addimissions like that =)

good luck

---Sorry i thought this was a college essay, but still consider the changes. This is how college professors like their papers ( I have a tutor that goes to Rice Uni.)
jenf3r   
Jan 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "After I took a psychology course..." - University of Texas at Austin Essay [10]

Hello, a good idea in college essays is to not use weak words, you shoud try to replace them with more vivid adjectives, I think espesialy for your essay it would make it much stronger.

I highlight some for you for you to take a look

good luck

My junior year I read in article in TIME magazine, I was taking an advanced placement psychology course at the time and I figured it wouldmake an interesting paper for my final exam.

Soldiers who wereseeking mental help from military doctors were being diagnosed with depression after one consultation. The doctors wouldgive them(vague) antidepressants or antianxiety pills ...

Soldiers who were suffering from Post Traumatic Stress ...

I wasshocked ( ex. My shocking reaction to -->to read about soldiers who had confided in their superior officers about ...
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