Undergraduate / 'to capture all this in one picture' - International applicant CommonApp essay [NEW]

Hi guys!
I am from Kazakhstan and I am applying as a first year student. Can you check the grammar, please? Also, I worry that the essay is a bit impersonal. How is "the flow" in general?

Thank you

In the tenth grade, as were all my classmates, I was given the freedom to consider any theme or topic I liked for a personal project. From the start, I thought of it as a chance for me to do something valuable. I realized that I could contribute to the society I was a part of since I was six. This encouraged me to do the best work I could. After a long deliberation, I decided to make my school's coat of arms. A coat of arms, in my case, represents the whole school, its students and faculty, and therefore their attitudes and aspirations. While doing the project, I kept in my mind that this work had the potential to make the school's atmosphere better and unite its students and teachers.

Some think that this would be easy, but in reality, it is a hard science. When I started, I dedicated myself to doing quality research. It was important for me to make the coat of arms appropriately as it would represent the school. I learned about coats of arms, their specifics and rules and their different symbols and meanings. I found out that even the smallest inaccuracy could change the meaning of the work.

I thought a lot about what to include in my work: I realized that I wanted to show that my school is a truly remarkable place. In my country, it differs with most schools in its smaller size, greater amount of personal attention and our unique traditions, such as Self-Guidance Day, when older students become teachers and administrators for the day. My challenge was to capture all this in one picture. What I wanted to show in my project is that children enjoy being at the school--they feel at home there. So, in my work I included shanyrak, a covering part of nomads' home, which is regarded as a symbol of peace, calmness and home. The sprout, which symbolizes growth and development, became another symbol I chose. I also included a book, a symbol of knowledge, as academics are the basis for any school.

I made six different variants of the coat of arms, which I then presented to the whole school and asked which one was the most interesting, engaging, encouraging school's spirit. What they chose became the final project. This involvement was vital to the project as it was conceived for the community since the beginning. The project turned out to be a great success. I took a serious approach, spent a lot of time and this paid off. After my presentation, I could hear people in school discussing it. Students, teachers, administrations and school's staff talked about it with one another.

Undergraduate / 'He was mobilized' - UNC ESSAY international [4]

Hey everyone! I need some advice and corrections on this. I am an international student, so I am never truly sure about my writing in English. This is supplemental essay for University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

What's your latest discovery? What do you hope to learn next?

Yumagulov Galimulla Galimovich, my great-granduncle, was mobilized in November 1942. He was just 17 years old. He was directed to an artillery school, but left to go and fight as a part of infantry regiment. In 1943, he was heavily wounded by shrapnel German mine. After half a year in hospital, he started service at tank courses after which he was sent to tank division in Ukraine. In short time, he became a commander of a tank. He met the victory on Slovakian land. Consequently, he was sent to war with militaristic Japan, in which he went through Korean and Chinese lands and took part in fights for Mukden and Harbin.

He was mobilized in 1950. A very respected man, he had military and after-war rewards including the decoration of the Great Patriotic War. Despite his hard fate, the smile of happiness always shined on his face. My grandmother recalls: "I always thanked uncle for being the example of benevolence and modesty for all of us".

This story is my latest discovery. It is the story of my hero, my role model, my great-granduncle. It helped me to understand the value of freedom and peaceful time. When I discovered it not a long time, I felt ashamed that I never heard of it before.

Two years ago Galimula Galimovich left this world. It was 87th year of his life. I regret never meeting this man whose story affected my life so much.

After I heard about this story, I realized that people should value their history and remember their roots. Only if we will do that, we will remember the best traits of humans and evade the worst mistakes. If I had not known that story, I would not have been able to appreciate liberty and peacefulness. After I heard it I decided to study and work and eventually make the world a better place. A lot of my peers these days do not understand that they should try to contribute this world and live an interesting and meaningful life. This story motivates me to work hard and to treasure the opportunity to receive world-class education - something, my great-grandfather never could have.

After that discovery, I made a decision to learn more about my family. It is not easy for me as right now I live far away from lands where my ancestors lived. However, I am not giving up and as soon as I will have such an opportunity, I will go there for new discoveries about my family.