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Posts by michelleyixuan
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Last Post: Jan 22, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 11  

Displayed posts: 12
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michelleyixuan   
Jan 14, 2012
Undergraduate / "Look at her; she is the only Chinese." - Common App personal [14]

Hello! This is my common app essay. I picked topic 5. I'm an international student. So the English essay is such a difficulty for me. I need some advices and help me fix something that I wrote wrong. I really hope you guys can tell me how do you feel about the essay? is it a good topic? Thanks!

I still stood by the mirror, trying on all my clothes, and could not decide what to wear for a Passover dinner my Jewish friend Andrew invited me to attend. I faced the mirror, seeing a girl who had black hair, dark brown almond eyes and tan skin color. My memory flashed back. Growing up in a somewhat small, conservative environment, I was surrounded by people who looked and acted just like me. We have our own category, sharing the same background. So when I became an exchange student in America, I stepped into a whole new world.

"Look at her; she is the only Chinese." I could hear the whispering every day for the first week I walked the hallways. Everyone stared at me with strange looks. I was not able to listen or understand class discussions in English, and had to spend my lunch period alone without any acquaintances. I desired to make new friends, but had no idea how to join a group of classmates who sat together and talked about "Glee." I couldn't even find any compatriots to help. Everything seemed unfamiliar. I was lost and a little bit desperate. Why was I the first student from China attending this school? Why had life become so hard? Why was I not accepted by any group of students? No one could empathize with my feelings or give me a clue on to how to fit in.

I was not deterred by my challenges, but I had discovered my own way in this distinctive realm. I tried to introduce myself to and talk to each student in my classes. I learned people were more curious about the different world I came from, asking, "How do you say __ in Chinese?" "What is your school day like in China?" "Is it true that Chinese people only eat noodles on their birthdays?" I patiently answered all of their questions and gradually became assimilated to my new country. My Italian friend showed me what a real Italian Christmas was like, and I expressed my gratitude by sending her a card written in both English and Chinese with a Chinese knot. I went to a Catholic mass with my friend and enjoyed her beautiful singing voice and expression of faith. One weekend my friend and I visited China Town in New York. I was eager to share delicious Chinese food and old-fashioned crafts, like Peking Opera Masks with her. At the school concert, my live performance of Liuyang River, a traditional Chinese piano piece, garnered a standing ovation from the entire audience. My two worlds collided, integrating in harmony.

Sitting in the car with Andrew, I realize every ethnicity is unique in its own way, but diversity makes the world around. I had found my way crossing arbitrary boundaries and getting to know people who aren't like me by being proud of my Chinese heritage and embracing other cultures. With respect and mutual understanding, I know I will have a wonderful night.
michelleyixuan   
Jan 14, 2012
Undergraduate / "Look at her; she is the only Chinese." - Common App personal [14]

Thank you so much!
This is the topic.
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

I will look your essay right now.
michelleyixuan   
Jan 17, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I worked diligently in school' - Common App Transfer Essay - Education [11]

I really like your essay. It is impressive. Because you indicate that the essay is for several liberal arts colleges. And they want to know what you hope to achieve. maybe you should talk a little bit about how the unique liberal arts could help you in the future.
michelleyixuan   
Jan 17, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the ever expanding culture of the United States' - experience [7]

The essay is pretty good. If you want to delete something, I think you don't need the opening paragraph. Try to start your story from the middle. This will be more interesting.

Please check my essay. Thanks
michelleyixuan   
Jan 17, 2012
Undergraduate / "The Redbox & McDonald Days" (CommonApp essay) [4]

This is pretty. I think you talked too much about your friend. I know the question is describe who has influenced you. But I think the person colleges definitely want to know is you. May be you should add something like how you changed after you met them.

Please check my essay. Thanks
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