Writing Feedback / Have there been any bumps in the road in your life. [3]

I met Siobban in kindergarten on my first day at Village Elementary. Siobban may not have known what to do, but she always attempted to, and that created our unique relationship. While learning to Double Dutch in third grade, I broke my wrist and was mocked for jumping with one hand. Instead of mocking me, Siobban taught me how to jump to cheer me up. Throughout those six years, our bond grew so strong that people automatically thought of me when they saw her, and visa versa.

The summer after fifth grade ended, Siobban moved to Kissimmee, Florida. Even though I was upset that she had to leave, our friendship became stronger; we would talk every day. I remember what I was watching on TV on that horrible day when my other best friend, Vanessa, told me that Siobban had died in a car accident while moving back to Fort Lauderdale. I tried not to cry because Siobban wouldn't want me to but as I thought about our old memories and viewed her body at the funeral, I broke down into tears.

Sometimes I sat in my room and cried because I was angry that I would have to experience life without my best friend. Even to this day I reflect on all the lessons that she taught me, like appreciating life, and not taking things too seriously. Ironically, if I had not lost her, I would not have become a more appreciative and helpful person. Siobban's constant selflessness helped me to become a person that loves assisting others. Since middle school I have participated in peer counseling and mentor programs. In my Best Buddies program, we had a Thanksgiving luncheon and a special needs girl, Shangria, thanked the program for helping her adapt to mainstream school. This experience has made helping people worthwhile.

Word Count: 304

i need help making this sound more college acceptable

Undergraduate / How can you add to the university of central florida? [2]

Have you ever met someone who just does not understand you, or makes you feel accepted? I have, and I characteristic that I have developed from constantly moving throughout childhood is the ability to be open-minded and learning to relate to others from different ethnicities.

My elementary school was comforting because I grew up in a Caribbean environment and many of the students were African-American. However, in middle school, this changed when there was a higher Hispanic population. I remember sometimes at lunch, my friends would start talking about novellas in Spanish, and I was left out of the conversation because I did not comprehend. At my first high school, there were many Caucasian students, and at times, I felt overwhelmed because some of their viewpoints were different from mine. For example, when I wore braids this girl asked me how do I wash my hair everyday and put it back into braids the next day. I had never been asked such a question before. Although, my current high school is predominantly black, my program is comprised mainly of students of the Middle Eastern background. By them being in my class, they showed me that I can adjust to new situations, and experience similarities and differences without losing my essence in the process.

These cultures have given me the opportunity to learn about different ethnicities in this world, and I feel that I can add this diversity to my new environment because they have shaped my personality and I would like to do the same for others.

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Hello I am trying to cut this down to about 190 and I need to make it more college ready. How can I make this sound more believable for college

Word Count: 260

Scholarship / Scholarship Appeal Letter for not meeting credit and grade requirements [2]

Hi Everyone,
i was so scared to write this essay, it still needs a lot of work, but i need help cutting it down,organizing it, giving it a stronger connection with the financial aid advisors, and making sound different from other letters. it is due by next week:) Thank-you so much for your help!

To Whom It May Concern:

To be quite honest, although I was highly honest upset and disappointed with myself about losing my Pegasus Silver Scholarship, I am thankful for it. And as odd as it may seem, it made me reevaluate myself and events that happened in my life this past semester. Losing it took away that comfortable feeling I always had in school. It was never that difficult to make and attain good grades and a well balanced extracurricular life. Throughout my fifteen years of schooling, no matter what obstacle that came I was always able to overcome and exceed standards and in coming to college, it has given me the opportunity to leave this comfort zone and experience things I never imagined. My mindset when I first came to college has changed significantly altered from when I believed alumni from my International Baccalaureate Program, stating "If I do well in IB, then college will be easy and u do not have to try." For me yes, IB did prepare me for the workload of college, but not the work difficulty, and for me I believed them because I succeeded above my peers and did well; and this is how I got into this predicament. I became so comfortable and easy going to the point where I did not try my best and I knew it. I put some of my classes behind my sports and social life. I can only blame myself. I did not give myself the opportunity to judge anything for itself, I listened and I should have as older wiser students told me, "it is okay to take advice, just use it to your discretion and to treat all classes as if they were the most difficult class ever. Never say that a class is easy, because then you slack off." I did not fully internalize this until mid-spring semester of this school year. I decided to take five classes because fall I did not receive credit for chemistry class because of my laid back attitude of 'I WAS NEVER GOOD IN Chemistry anyway, so it does not matter', when in reality it did. I thought, as usual, that I could make it up. However in the spring I put a majority of my classes on the back burner because "They were supposed to be easy". For instance, I did not study as much as I should have in Biology because I passed IB Biology. Although same subjects, the teachers method of teaching it was different. Also, with World Religions, I at first did not study as much as I should have because of opinions that I read on rate my professors then once I took the first test, I studied more but not effectively; same goes to Statistics, American Government and all of my classes. What I did was study one subject for hours and that is not constructive, when in reality I should study each class for a period of time every day, so that it remains relevant in my mind.

In coming to college, it took mostly my spring semester this year to realize how fortunate and privileged I am and was. In being truthful and completely honest with myself and you I would not have grown out of and matured from that "moving with the flow" and not habitually doing my best attitude if I had not failed statistics and world religions, and mainly lost my scholarship. One quote that has stuck with me from the end of this year to assist me in changing my ways is"the difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of WILL", and this hand in hand with the saying "We are what we repeatedly do, therefore excellence is not an act, but a habit." If I want to succeed, I have to work hard for it and not become complacent with my situation. It would be foolish for me to think now that I could like I tried in statistics once to study all day the day before the exam and do well. Although I got a tutor, I did not use it to my full advantage; I went to tutoring sessions and learned, but at first did not go home and apply what I learned at home.

I am glad and thankful that you gave and took away the scholarship from me because I worked hard and was privileged enough to receive it. It was the school's choice to grant me with the money. You did not have to, but you trusted that I would be a beneficial investment and it is becoming more and more prevalent that if I want to regain your trust I must do well and prove to you, the financial aid staff at UCF that I can achieve. So, I started this summer by taking a summer class to improve my GPA. Also, if I want to succeed, I must not only do it for you, but for me myself, because if I want to be successful in life; it begins now with prioritizing myself better and constantly trying to improve and not assimilating into my situations by trying to make them better. In my many decisions to maintain better grades next year, I have decided to not Row and to focus on my schooling because as the name implies, a student-athlete must be a student first and represent the school well through academics and then an athlete, and moreover not let outside stress and pressure overwhelm me to where I want to give up. That is why this school has so many outlets at students availability to assist them; the counseling center SARC, SI. Not only when I need help, but just for the betterment of me. It can help me learn what I thought I knew and give me a new and possibly better insight into my studies. In addition, if granted this scholarship again I shall respect and honour it more because it has helped me stay in school. Truthfully, not many people know my parents are not paying for my education; it is scholarships and loans and possibly rowing if I choose to pursue it next year. So I, from the bottom of my heart thank you because I appreciate my education opportunities so much more whole heartedly now. Once again I understand how amazing it is to have an education and even more privileged and blessed to have people who are willing to give me their money to better myself. It is a blessing to have all of this, and in summary I would like to thank-you, the committee for your time of reading this and granting me with the opportunity of writing this appeal.

Thank-You Sincerely,

Monique Wiles