Undergraduate / Lehigh Supplement essays [4]

I need help finding grammar errors and I want to make sure I am answering the questions correctly. I also need to cut 119 characters from the first one. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

As you researched and visited colleges and universities, why did you decide to apply to Lehigh? Please give specific reasons. What contributions will you make during your time at Lehigh?

Growing up, Lehigh was part of my life. I attended football tailgates with my family and I met my Dad's fraternity brothers. I heard family members tell stories of their inspirational time at Lehigh and I saw the success and numerous opportunities Lehigh brought to them. I researched the school and was impressed with their experienced professors. When I looked at Lehigh's wide variety of courses and activities, I found myself already picking classes. After a tour of the gorgeous campus, I was sold. I am now sure that Lehigh is the perfect place for me, and I want it to continue to be an influence in my life.

I am not only convinced that Lehigh will give me the high quality education I am looking for, but also that I can be an active and positive influence on Lehigh's environment. Part of what makes a college community successful is the passion of the students. I will contribute an enthusiastic attitude toward all aspects of the academic experience. I am ready to interact, experience, and invent. During my time at Lehigh I will get involved in many activities and take the initiative of leadership roles.

What values do you believe are important in fostering cohesive, successful, and supportive campus unity? Please provide us with details from an experience that you had that has shaped these values.

To have true campus unity, it is crucial to have an open mind about other's opinions. Students must be accepting of new ideas while trying to find their personal beliefs. It is also important to be dependable for the group. If every member of the campus is loyal to their school, works together, and is open to new ideas, a campus unity can be achieved.

Every time I complete a group project, I gain experience with these values. For one project I had to work with a group of students to create a radio and television advertisement and a menu for the product SPAM. At first, this seemed like an impossible task because everyone cringed at even the thought of the disgusting meat imposter. The only way we could succeed with the project was if we approached it with an open mind and gave the product a chance. The group united when each person in contributed their strengths in writing, cooking, dancing, or filming. Working together with an open mind made the task possible.

Undergraduate / 'Gymnastics competitions' - application essay- topic #1 (significant experience) [7]

I know the content of this essay needs work, but I'm not sure if it strays too much from my orignial idea or if I need to elaborate more on my points. I would also like to know if is hard to follow or boring. And should essays in general have titles? Thanks in advance!

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilema you have faced and its impact on you.

"Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;..."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's words spill out of my mouth. I look out onto the sea of my fifth grade classmates. I feel my knees shaking and my palms getting sweaty. With trembling lips I continue to recite the poem of Paul Revere's ride...with a British accent. No, the accent was not required, and no, I did not lose a bet. The accent was just something I did to improve my presentation.

In fifth grade, taking a chance like this was not a big deal. I was nervous, but this small measure would make the presentation better. I would do it despite my fears. As I got older taking chances became more difficult. I was more aware of others judging me and the disappointment I felt after taking a risk and failing. Progressing through years of more performances and presentations, taking risks became even more important. I had to fight through my shy disposition and take chances in and out of the classroom. Shortly after this relatively insignificant risk, I took the biggest risk of my life by becoming a gymnast. When I became a gymnast, it meant that everyday I would have to risk the chance of injury, disappointment, and most importantly my time.

Fear of injury is something I face everyday. With a beam that is only four inches wide and four feet off the ground, I can never be one hundred percent sure that I will land correctly. There is always the chance that my feet will miss the beam on a back tuck or something will go wrong with one of my skills. This is a chance I have learned to take without hesitation. I've trained myself to focus on the positive outcomes instead of what could go wrong. I take comfort in the fact that every time I take a risk, I am getting closer to reaching my goal of making it to the state, regional, and national competitions.

Gymnastics competitions occur in the spot light. Regardless of our team spirit and support, we each go out on the floor alone. There is no one else to depend on and if you mess up, everyone sees. In one competition, I missed both of my feet on the beam and landed painfully on the mat underneath. This was humiliating, but even more disappointing. After spending hours perfecting a routine it is heartrending to fail when it matters, but I knew I would have to compete the next event very soon. After something upsetting like this all I can do is put it in the past and do my best for the rest of the competition.

The biggest risk about becoming a gymnast was the time commitment it required. When I decided to do gymnastics competitively I had to quit soccer, dance, swimming, girl scouts, and many other actives I enjoyed. Sometimes I feel I have risked my entire childhood on this sport, but I would do it all over again. I have benefited in so many different ways from participating in gymnastics. As my coach likes to say, "It's not that you can do all those skills, it's that you've become the kind of person it takes to do those skills."

For many, growing out of childhood means moving away from taking chances. Whether in school or in the gym, I have grown up taking chances. In college, I will continue to take chances with new classes, new people, and new activities. Paul Revere took a chance on his midnight ride and made history. I took a chance by reciting his story in a British accent and was rewarded with an 'A'. Both were risks worth taken, and I know I will never miss an opportunity because I was afraid to take a chance.

Book Reports / Academic book that has inspired you [2]

What is an academic experience, project, class, or book that has influenced or inspired you? (500 words)
I'm not sure if this essay is hard to follow or if I didn't give enough backround of the book. I'm also worried that I did not explain clearly enough how it inspired me. Thanks for your suggestions :)

The cover of the book does not spark nearly as much interest as the words inside. It is a bland shade of beige with a black and white photo of an old-fashioned man. The title, A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, screams boring. As far as I can tell, this is the last book I want to be reading on this warm summer night. I realize it is required though, so I situate myself on my back porch where I can feel a mild breeze and where the lighting is bright enough to keep me awake.

I struggle through the first chapters, desperate to make some sense of the strange story James Joyce is trying to get across. "Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road..." The opening line is absurd, and as the story of an Irish boy named Stephen Dedalus continues I am even more lost. After a few chapters of confusion I begin to realize that the book has put me in the mind of Stephen Dedalus, and the narrative becomes more complex as Stephen's thoughts develop. The more I became part of Stephen's mind, the more I enjoy the novel.

A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man explains Stephen's life journey until he casts off from society to become an artist. James Joyce uses Stephen to represent himself and his own life leading up to becoming an artist. I greatly enjoyed the thought of being inside a literary genius' mind; that I knew what he went through and what he thought. What I found even more inspiring was the decision Stephen made at the end of the novel; that to become an artist he would have to leave society, his family, and his religion and let no outside forces influence his work.

When I say I found this inspiring, by no means do I imply that I want imitate Stephen and leave my life behind to become an artist. Instead, the book made me question how much I was influenced by outside forces. I realized that all of my thoughts are affected by my surroundings. My classmates, teachers, coaches, religion, and books I have read all influence the way I think. It made me grateful for the many positive influences I have in my life. I agreed with Joyce's main idea, that people are effect greatly by their surroundings, but I disagreed with the idea that you must leave them to become yourself. The influences in your life are a major part of who you are.

Although wary at first, I was inspired by the few precious summer hours I spent reading about Stephen's theory. It made me think about how I am a product of my environment. When thinking about this it was suddenly apparent that my environment would soon change, and consequently my thoughts and ideas. Because of A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, I keep in mind how the environment of the college will influence me. By choosing Brown, I am choosing to let Brown influence me and shape me into the person I hope to be.