Undergraduate / "Moving"- Common Application Essay [7]

Hi! Can someone proofread my essay for any grammatical errors and possibly give me general insights? It's also a bit on the long side of 800 words, so I was wondering if there's anything I could possibly take out. Thanks, any help would be greatly appreciated :)

The prompt is: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Ba-dump. That was the beating of my uneasy heart as we drove out of my hometown for one last time. As I glanced out the window, I saw my elementary school, the park, and the city lights. They all became a blurry scene that passed by me at the speed of light. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I refused to blink because I didn't want to miss this precious moment. I incessantly begged my parents to stay, but we moved nevertheless. I always preferred the familiarity of an environment and I wasn't ready to leave my hometown. Thoughts of uneasiness clouded my mind. Little did I know, my new town would change me in a way I would have never anticipated.

A sign that read "Entering Westford" caught my attention as we entered my new town. The scenery was completely different. There were no parks, not many sidewalks or lights; the town was mostly filled with grass. Houses were not in proximity; rather they were separated by vast land. Little changes like that got to me. Since I came from a populated city, moving to the suburbs was a difficult transition for me. My new home didn't feel like home at all; it felt like an estranged place.

The long awaited day that I dreaded arrived: My first day of school. My new school was surprisingly small, but consisted of four hundred students, about four times as many students as my previous class. I walked into my class anxiously and watched as jubilant kids gathered to discuss their summers. At the bottom of my heart, I wanted to join in, but was hesitant to fearing they would not accept me. The class suddenly became silent as my teacher introduced me and I was met with unfamiliar eyes. Though I wasn't excited about my other classes, I looked forward to my math class. I was automatically placed in the accelerated math course for my high scores in my prior math class. I was always one of the top students in my math class. My uplifting thought ended when my teacher handed us a pop quiz. My classmates finished within a few minutes while I sat there staring blankly at the paper. I came to a shocking realization; I had never learned the material before.

It didn't take me long to realize that the expectations in my classes were higher than the ones in my previous school. I began to work harder, spending twice the amount of time my classmates spent on their work. Academically, I started to improve, but also as a person I became more independent. I became involved in my school community and joined several extracurricular, making new friends. And suddenly, before I knew it, I started to accept my new town. Friends I only knew for a few months became like family to me. I was fortunate to be welcomed by kind people who were willing to help me. It took me a while to adapt to my new environment, but when I did I used it as an advantage. The quiet environment allowed me to focus on my studies and yet still have time to spend my time leisurely. I was finally able to call Westford my home.

Just a few months ago, I passed by my elementary school. Six years ago, I stood at the same exact spot, but the outlook was different. The school that had monstrous hallways seemed small now. I realized that the school never got any smaller, but it was simply me who had grown. I glanced around at the place I couldn't bear leaving. A feeling of nostalgia rushed up. I felt as if the little girl inside me had finally let go. As I walked around the playground, I noticed that the old, rusty swing set I loved playing on got replaced by a new one. I smiled to myself and realized that I wasn't the only one who has transformed.

Moving to a new town gave me a new perspective in life. Though I often thought negatively of new situations, I have been optimistic about change since my experience. It certainly brought me closer to finding out who I really am. My transformation from a naïve girl to a mature adolescent is proof of that. In a new surrounding, I was forced to adjust and make the most of what I had. I didn't let fear take control of my life and instead turned an unfamiliar situation into an opportunity to strengthen myself. Now I'm braced for any situation. Regardless on where I am heading, I'll always accept the changes it brings. Once again, I will be faced with an unfamiliar environment, college, but this time I'll embrace my new surroundings with open arms seizing every opportunity there is and making the best of what it has to offer.

Undergraduate / Campus / Let love speak - Tufts Supplements [9]

Hi! Can someone check my supplements for grammatical errors? Do you think my essays tell you enough about me? And for my second prompt, I'm a little over 200 words (I have 215 words), any idea on how I could shorten it? Any criticism is welcomed! Thanks :)

Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: "Why Tufts?"

I fell in love with Tufts the moment I set foot on campus. It is everything I imagined a perfect school would be: A school with a beautiful environment, a challenging rigor, diversity, and a wide variety of science programs. As a Chemistry major I don't want to limit my studies to just Chemistry; I want to broaden my knowledge and explore other fields of science as well. I am most interested in Tufts Medicinal Chemistry and Biotechnology programs and research opportunities that not many universities offer. My goal is to delve into the field of Chemistry and use my knowledge to develop therapeutic drugs for treatments. I believe Tufts can open those doors for me.

Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. Use the richness of your life to give us insight: Who are you? (200 words)

My fingers move freely along the keys of my piano. The unique sound of each key as my fingers press against them resonates in my mind and becomes a part of me. Playing the piano gives me the ability to express myself through the essence of my playing. The joy of learning a new song compels me to perfect my playing. When I was young, practicing the piano was a mundane routine for me, but it has become one of my favorite pastimes. My love for music has only grown. Today I find myself sitting at the piano to express myself. The lingering sound of the notes, the haunting sound of keys, and the upbeat pace of the song each represent feelings of melancholy, frustration, and rapture. It's not just a hobby, my place at the piano is a haven from the outside world; it gives me the tranquility I need. There are no restrictions on how I should play as I control the tempo and style of the song. I've learned some of life's greatest lessons in front of the piano. The importance of patience and slowing down in life are only a few. I catch a glimpse of myself on the piano's surface, as I continue to play the keys to my life.

There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood or community-and how it influenced the person you are today. (200 words)

"Practice doesn't make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect", a phrase that has been the basis of my childhood, and now a philosophy of my life. My perseverance derived from my parents' discipline. Everyday I would practice my songs until my fingers became numb. I wasn't allowed to leave the piano until I perfected a song without a mistake. It was the same for my Chinese studies. I watched as my father illustrated the fundamentals of Chinese: Character strokes. I tried my best to delineate his strokes, but it took me countless tries to perfect it. Back then, I thought of it as senseless torture, but today I look at it as discipline. Slowly, self-discipline started to incorporate into my lifestyle. I am no longer driven by my parents' nagging criticisms. Instead, I am driven by my own desire to exceed expectations. Regardless of what I do, whether it's drawing a picture or doing a lab experiment, I always strive for perfection. I am not satisfied with just "good" or "great", but rather "outstanding." I learned that there is no limitation to human growth and as long as we are willing to progress ourselves, we will be one step closer to perfection.

Undergraduate / A Wake-up Call- Common App essay [6]

Can someone proofread my essay and give me some feedback? I also posted another essay called "Moving". I'm still debating on which essay to use. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks :)

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I watched as jubilant students slammed their lockers and strolled out into the parking lot. It was a typical Friday afternoon. I eagerly looked forward to my upcoming weekend plans also, but all my thoughts ceased when I received an alarming phone call from my mother. My grandmother was in critical condition and close to dying. My brother and I immediately returned home to find bags scattered on the floor. Without a moment to clarify what was happening, my mother uttered to us, "Pack your belongings quickly, we're going to Canada."

The ten hour ride there never seemed so prolonged. Countless emotions ran through my mind; anger, distress, and grief. I was angry at myself for not taking the chance to tell her how much she truly meant to me and how I took for granted all the time we spent together. The words that were left unsaid brought forth a feeling of remorse. And suddenly, it hit me. I sobbed silently to myself when I realized that I might need to face the departure of a loved one. The thought of losing a loved one filled me with an unbearable feeling of grief. I wasn't ready to let her go.

My anxiety grew as we opened the door to the hospital room. My heart tugged at the sight of my grandmother. Her right arm was wrapped with a cast; while her left arm was covered with a cloth, both as a result of a perilous fall. Her gaunt figure made her seem hardly recognizable. It saddened me to see the weakened state she had fallen to. I held back my tears and asked her how she had been doing. I was met with the same gentle eyes I looked into for the past sixteen years, but they lacked the luster they'd had. She seemed frustrated and fatigued now. I didn't blame her though. Her mundane routine had become a difficult challenge she had to face every day. She replied with a nod and a smile, but I knew she wasn't fine.

As we left for the night, the doctor immediately called us back in panic. Something had gone terribly wrong. All of us rushed back to the hospital room to find my grandmother breathing heavily and abnormally. My body completely froze on the spot. I wasn't prepared for what would happen. I watched as she fought the inevitable struggle against death. It was all so sudden that I was unable to grasp the situation. I watched in disbelief as everyone broke down. And suddenly it hit me. What I kept inside came out as a desperate cry. With tears streaming down my face, I heard myself calling my grandmother and repeatedly telling her not to go. I realized I had never held onto something so strongly until that very moment. I reminded myself that I must cherish and seize every moment that I have, so I won't have any regrets.

I spent the following day by her side. As I held her hand, I sensed the coldness from her body and I realized how fragile it had become. Every second it felt like she was fighting to live. I cherished every moment I spent with my grandmother even more. That moment I realized the importance of holding onto things that we love and never letting go of them, not even for a second. When I held her hand firmly, I thought I supported her, but I was mistaken. She was the one giving me strength.

Even at the pinnacle of her life, my grandmother had the strength to persevere for the sake of spending more time with her family. Her determination allowed her to ultimately accomplish her goal: To live. This profound experience gave me a new, enlightened perspective in life. I've started to appreciate what I took for granted even more. Her willpower has inspired me to always persist even in difficult situations. It made me realize that opportunities are not always in reach and that it is we, ourselves, who must pave our own path and grasp every opportunity attainable. We must take the initiative to diligently strive for and treasure each opportunity, so we don't have any regrets. The future may hold many uncertainties, but we should appreciate what we have today because it is irreplaceable. I know my efforts will not be wasted as long as I continue to persist. I will turn each obstacle into an opportunity to strengthen myself. This experience has strengthened my desire to contribute to society with my acquired knowledge. To accomplish my goal, I will grasp every opportunity no matter how intricate it may be and give it my absolute all.

Undergraduate / Common app-elaborate on one of your activities, "to understand the material [12]

As I correct work and file papers, I am approached by children whose eyes are either filled with curiosity or doubt. Their motive is simple: They seek to understand the material they are struggling with. Each week I tutor children in Math and Reading at my town's Kumon Learning Center for 3-6 hours. I do my best to make their experience as entertaining and beneficial as possible. If a child continues to struggle in the subject matter, I will always do my best to work with him or her until they are confident with their skills. The most rewarding part of my job is being able to see the overjoyed look on children's' faces when they finally grasp the concept. I really enjoy my job not only because I get to use my skills to help others, but also because I have the opportunity to strengthen my own understanding of the subject matter by explaining it to others. My passion has always lied in helping others. This may be a small step towards my dream to contribute to society, but I believe it is a good start.

I just wrote this in about half an hour so it might contain some errors lol. Did I elaborate my job enough or do you think I should elaborate it a bit more? Any comments or criticisms are welcomed. Thanks :)