angann29
Dec 12, 2008
Undergraduate / "Riding bicycle", experience and achivement essay feedback and correction. [2]
I want to make some changes to your 3rd & 5th paragraph, hope it can help you
On the road of life, many challenges are ahead and they are unpredictable. Facing them is like standing in front of a three-way crossroad. I have only one choice, trying to overcome it with toughness or comfortably giving up. The first choice is risky; I may earn goals or fall in the darkness of failures. I clearly know that, who do not try to overcome the challenges will never be able to do so. Failures are bitter, they take people down and crush people's will. On the other hand , challenges and failures are like teachers. Facing them brings experiences and vision of our problem. Although the damage cause by them is heavy, some failure-takers seeing the true value will pick themselves up, make other efforts and may gain goals. If they fall again, they will get up again. I do not fear those challenges or any failures because I still have a chance if I fail or at least I learn something. Who in this world want to earn success? Everyone. But who is brave enough to face the challenges? Not all the people.
My trip, in some people's views, was just a ridiculous action of some teenagers. They do not know what I have faced, how hard I have tried and what I have learned. It steeled my will. Before the trip, I feared making mistake because I did not want anybody laugh at me, so I never try to face or overcome any challenges. In my eye, challenge used to be something which was so great to overcome. As a result, now, I do not fear them. Anytime, I fail, I just simply get up and try again, and it does not matter if people laugh at me or try to mock at my mistakes. I can see that there are many challenges ahead and I welcome them.
I want to make some changes to your 3rd & 5th paragraph, hope it can help you
On the road of life, many challenges are ahead and they are unpredictable. Facing them is like standing in front of a three-way crossroad. I have only one choice, trying to overcome it with toughness or comfortably giving up. The first choice is risky; I may earn goals or fall in the darkness of failures. I clearly know that, who do not try to overcome the challenges will never be able to do so. Failures are bitter, they take people down and crush people's will. On the other hand , challenges and failures are like teachers. Facing them brings experiences and vision of our problem. Although the damage cause by them is heavy, some failure-takers seeing the true value will pick themselves up, make other efforts and may gain goals. If they fall again, they will get up again. I do not fear those challenges or any failures because I still have a chance if I fail or at least I learn something. Who in this world want to earn success? Everyone. But who is brave enough to face the challenges? Not all the people.
My trip, in some people's views, was just a ridiculous action of some teenagers. They do not know what I have faced, how hard I have tried and what I have learned. It steeled my will. Before the trip, I feared making mistake because I did not want anybody laugh at me, so I never try to face or overcome any challenges. In my eye, challenge used to be something which was so great to overcome. As a result, now, I do not fear them. Anytime, I fail, I just simply get up and try again, and it does not matter if people laugh at me or try to mock at my mistakes. I can see that there are many challenges ahead and I welcome them.