Undergraduate / UC "Describe a Quality" Short Essay. 300~ words. Any advice? [2]

Hey guys!
Before any reading, I want to thank you for visiting this thread. Essay composition is definitely not my forte and just knowing that there are people out there who are willing to spend their time to help me gives me confidence. So thank you.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

While volunteering at St. Paul's Towers retirement home, an elderly professor taught me the most important lesson of my life. Amazingly, he communicated with me without words because Alzheimer's had severed his connections with reality long ago. As I stared into the sleep-filled eyes of the former professor of sociology at the University of Maine, Orono, words failed to describe the sadness and regret that I felt, regret that the professor could no longer share his vast knowledge with eager students like me. But I also felt a strange yet familiar restlessness that I later identified as intense curiosity. The sheer unfairness of Alzheimer's fickle decision to rob a scholar's great and contributive mind irked me like a splinter that is too small to remove.

When school resumed, it became difficult to continue with my previous schedule but I continued to study Alzheimer's when I could find the time. Soon, I realized that my knowledge was insufficient to understand the complex biological processes and phenomenon that cause dementia and other mental diseases and this bothered me above all others. But I also felt a sense of satisfaction that stemmed from being overwhelmed with information that I don't understand; I feel a calm sensation when I know that there is so much more to enjoy, so much more to look forward to. It's almost like waiting for the sequel to an excellent novel to be released. I can confidently say that my curiosity is the greatest motivation behind my academic and extracurricular pursuits, more than peer and parent pressure and definitely more than the letter grades on a transcript. More than any other trait I possess, my curiosity defines me and I am fiercely proud of it.

Thank you for your help.

Undergraduate / "Planet Earth" - National Merit Essay, Common App [2]

Hey guys!
Thanks for visiting my thread and deciding to help me out. All help is greatly appreciated. Also, I've noticed that the National Merit essay prompt is VERY similar to college essays. It would be nice if I could adapt this to a college prompt as well. Interesting challenge, I would say. Any questions, responses, comments? :D:D:D:D:D:D

Describe an experience you have had, a person who has influenced you, or an obstacle you have overcome. Explain why this is meaningful to you. Use your own words and limit your response to the space provided.

The catalyst for the most crucial decision in my personal life came in the form of small flat discs in a case that bore the name "Planet Earth" in sleek, silver lettering. It was reward from my dad for my excellent 124% A that I received in 7th grade life science and I immediately popped open the case and shoved the shiny disc into the DVD player. The television came alive with the sounds of the untamed jungle and raging oceans, the screeching monkeys and the fluttering bats, and the narration of Mr. David Attenborough. I realized after the fascinating series came to an end that I was then hopelessly infatuated with the biological sciences. Before, my interest in nature and the life sciences were superficial excitement, probably magnified because of my disproportionately admirable science grades. However, Mr. Attenborough's passionate yet objective and knowledgeable commentary on topics that covered almost every aspect of nature and the fact that he has set foot in almost every corner of the globe made both my scientific knowledge and my grades seem like trivial achievements. It was a mixture of jealousy and reverence that drove me to begin taking science more seriously. After "Planet Earth", I hunted for more natural documentaries and movies like Attenborough's "Life on Earth" series as well as numerous Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and National Geographic works. This intense curiosity and admiration carried over into my career as a high school student and I eagerly signed up for science classes that would help achieve my goal. All of my motivation, my passion, and my curiosity stems from the influential naturalist David Attenborough and his conscientious and inspirational desire to retell the story of a beautiful and diverse yet fragile world that must be treasured and protected and I can only hope that by devoting my life to the research of the biological sciences, I can become a figure just as influential and valuable as Mr. David Attenborough is.

Undergraduate / 'I close one eye' - Case Western Reserve University Pre-Professionals Scholars [2]

Thanks for visiting mah thread and helpin out! If you seriously give advice on the essay, I promise that I will help you out in return.

How do you see yourself being particularly suited to this field? What events and/or experiences have led you to your choice? This essay should be between 250 and 500 words in length.

I close one eye, open the other wide and lean towards the eyepiece that would serve as a window into "a miniature universe," as my 7th grade science teacher would exclaim. After fidgeting with the focus knobs for a bit, the image blurred and refocused into an incredibly diverse and intricate microcosm that seemed much too small and interesting to exist in a single, mundane drop of pond water. While my peers were repulsed by the thought that microscopic protists lived in the same water that they wade in sometimes, I could not stop following the movement of the Paramecium that darted so elegantly around under the cover-slip of the slide.

It was a fascination that left a deep impression that I still marvel at today. Biology, Chemistry, and then AP Biology constantly provided me with mental nourishment; I've exclaimed "wow!" so many times in class that people have compared it to an endless echo. I relived this feeling of mind-blowing when I set a piece of magnesium ribbon on fire and discovered that soybeans undergo cellular respiration like any living organism does among many other experiments. Of course, I was glad that I was learning the many principles that govern the world we live in but in my opinion, the greatest satisfaction that I enjoyed was the knowledge that I could apply many of the principles and facts that I learned to real life. Suddenly, I saw my surroundings with a newfound comprehension and respect; I was especially pleased to realize that I could look at the Nutrition Facts on the back of a cereal box and understand how each component affects my body! Hopefully, in the future, I will be able to utilize the knowledge that I reap from my research to benefit the world and alleviate glaring and torturous world problems such as disease and hunger.

Why do I see myself being suited to this field? An appropriate answer would be that I cannot see myself NOT going into this field later on. The sheer thrill of discovering and then understanding nature's phenomena is reason enough for me to always be attracted to the beakers, burets, and Bunsen burners that help me make those discoveries and I eagerly wait for the day when my contributions will improve, even slightly, the quality of life in this world.

:)
Thanks for reading

Undergraduate / 'Breathe in. Breathe out.' - Western Reserve University Pre-Professionals Scholars [3]

It's kinda long because the prompt requires about 1000 words and I apologize. After skimming it, could you tell me how it flows and if there are any glaring problems or something that kinda annoys you? Thanks! :))))

Describe an event, achievement, or experience of which you are particularly proud but that will not show up on a resume, may not garner any recognition, and does not appear anywhere else on your admission application. This essay should not exceed 1,000 words in length.

Breathe in. Breathe out. I open my eyes and see the grand piano that I would be sitting at only moments later. From beyond the curtains, a thousand, no two thousand or maybe even a million pairs of eyes were searching the stage, waiting for the next performer. As I blankly read and reread the sheet music of the Chopin Scherzo No.1 that the audience will enjoy later, I distinctly remembered how nonchalantly I agreed to participate in the student recital at the Grand Theatre in AhCheng a month prior and the slight excitement at the thought that I would also receive a small sliver of fame. But it was much too dangerous for any regrets or doubts to bar me from a rewarding debut and the knowledge that I had successfully entertained a couple thousand people. Breathe in. Breathe out.

It was a swelteringly hot summer in 2008 and besides the Beijing Olympics and the $100 million dollar opening ceremony, there was little to look forward to. Naturally, when my piano teacher, Professor Ding, contacted me a few weeks prior to the end of school about an opportunity to go on an "extremely rewarding piano tour of major Chinese cities," I jumped on the opportunity and the plane to China. It seemed like an almost impossibly opportune event to both do something that I enjoyed immensely as well as visit the extended family that I had not seen since I emigrated from China about 10 years prior. At the time, I was brimming with confidence after a string of successful recitals at the local church as well as a paid, two-hour recital at the senior community where my mother works. Piano was for me not only a paying profession, it seemed, but also a way for me to connect to a whole different community. Much as a comic artist belongs at Comic Con or a collector belongs at an auction, I felt like I belonged in the piano community, consistently partaking in group recitals and solo recitals and sharing my interpretation of music while receiving criticism and praise that will help me improve.

And yet, a nagging persistent doubt plagued my mind that rotted the foundations of my self-confidence. Just before every performance, this doubt would suddenly enter my mind and infect every positive thought that I could muster. The old "what if" statement would be attached to every confident phrase and just performing pieces I had perfected for months seemed like a Herculean task. Sometimes, it was so severe that it would make me doubt the sanity of my decision to step onto the stage. What gives me the right to force everyone else to listen to music that an amateur created? What was my interpretation worth?

Breathe in. Breathe out. My mind goes strangely blank as all of the details and nuances that I had prepared beforehand tumbled out of my conscience, leaving a stretch of blank canvas, waiting to be painted. As I hear the announcer speak my name and the piece was going to perform, my legs lifted obediently and stepped onto the platform that would be my joy and my prison for the next 10 minutes. As I sat down on the leather bench, adjusting the height and checking the pedals, waiting for the buzz and murmur of the crowd to die down, I began to reflect on all of the work that I had done in preparation for the ten minutes I had earned on stage. The light was bright and my eyes were not quite adjusted. There was cold sweat on my clammy hands and collar on my shirt seemed to be a noose, waiting to tighten around its victim. I look up at the ceiling, and then the piano and I proceeded to show the fellow music-lovers the effort and broken strings that went into building my own interpretation.

When I synchronize with the piece that I am playing, it seems as if I have no power over my fingers and body. They move as they have been taught to move and at times glide across the keyboard with a determined eloquence and at times viciously attack the keyboard with fierce staccatos and triple fortes. Many do not realize why pianists must spend hours upon hours at the keyboard, repeatedly playing the same pieces a couple hundred times. It is difficult for people not familiar with music to imagine how difficult yet rewarding it is to create a personal interpretation. Yet as my fingers left the last note while the damper pedal kept it resonating throughout the theatre, I felt that I had successfully communicated that message to the appreciative audience. Not only did I achieve what I came for, I also felt that doubt that was gnawing at my confidence slowly diminish and vanish with a drawn-out scream. I had worried that my music was not adequate to be presented to the public. But when I saw some members of the audience stand up and shout words of encouragement, I realized that as long as my music satisfies someone other than myself, it was worth the effort to try and connect with them by offering my own interpretation and receiving their approval in return.

Thank you Thank you THANK YOU!