Undergraduate / 'Grandfather's struggle with his affliction' - Common app essay [3]

Essay for Common app- is it too descriptive/not enough reflection/awkward transitions? The word count is 586 words, though I heard as long as it's not over 600, it's okay. Any feedback is appreciated!

My feet seemed stuck to the ground, and I was shocked into silence by the news I had just received. My fists clenched, my nails digging into my palm, the dull pain acting as an anesthetic for my mind. My mouth was open, but I could find no words to say after learning my grandfather had died.

His death seemed like something that hadn't really happened; as if I was watching these events unfold on the TV screen. After all, I had seen him just fourteen days before, during our annual return to Taiwan from the United States- my mother, father, and I happily reunited with our extended family for two short weeks.

My grandfather was never inactive. He always challenged himself to learn something new; even though he could have retired, he chose not to relax and settle down, much to the dismay of my grandmother. Instead, he relocated and took up a job in Guam, an unfamiliar environment, both in language and culture. He would often call, and we would discuss the day's events- he in his heavily accented English, and I in my broken Chinese. The language barrier between us somewhat inhibited our communication, but he never gave up on trying to understand me. Through this battle between comprehension and speaking our respective languages, with the occasional help from my parents, I was able to better learn the subtle nuances of each language. My grandfather was a source of a never-ending supply of knowledge, his every word like a bubble of knowledge, ready to burst and enrich my mind with its contents.

The advent of his sickness stopped his ability continue doing the things that he loved. After spending months in the hospital and going through a first surgery, all seemed to be well. However, water again began to leak into his lungs. As doctors scrambled to find the source of this liquid, my grandfather laid on the hospital bed, once again debilitated by illness. A newfound hope came in the form of a second surgery, and he immediately decided to go for it; anything to get out of that hospital bed.

Seeing my grandfather struggle with his affliction instilled a different kind of passion for science within me. I always had an innate, casual, curiosity about science; discovering the particular mechanisms by how the cells interacted and recognized each other, how simple proteins encoded our existence, was interesting and I figured the knowledge would help me out later in life. The doctors' inability to heal my grandfather showed me how much there is left to discover about the world, even in our own human bodies. What was once wonder now became a personal desire to learn more about the factors that contribute to disease, in hopes that no other person would have to endure what my grandfather went through, the lack of closure and lying in wait, hoping that something would come along that could save him.

There are only twenty four hours in one day. Sleep already takes up six hours of that precious time. My grandfather's death made me reevaluate how I wanted to spend those remaining eighteen hours. I would extend every second of my life, and fill every tick of the clock with something new, like learning how to fence, or watching the latest NOVA Science Now show on the anatomy of the giant squid. I want to follow in my grandfather's footsteps; to never be at rest, and to utilize every moment of time I have here.

Undergraduate / 'Love affair with small dogs' - Common app extracurricular essay [3]

My love affair with small dogs began when I was eight years old. My parents took me to a pet store, and oblivious to the world of puppy mills, we purchased our first pet. We soon discovered our Pomeranian was sick with the Parvo virus, most likely negligence on the store owner's part. Since then, I have learned that not every relationship with a pet is as happy as those depicted on the commercials for dog food we so often see on television. In my time volunteering at a local animal shelter, I have interacted with dogs that come from many environments. The animals there have taught me the importance of the seemingly small actions- the position of my hand, the tone of my voice. Every aspect of my body language leaves an impression on who I am to a dog, and in turn I have changed the way I act in everyday life. I now pay attention to the little things I do and others do- and my experience has brought me one step closer in discovering what kind of mark I want to leave in the world.

Any help with grammar/overall comments about content is greatly appreciated!

Undergraduate / 'relationship with my violin' - UC [3]

Any critique would be greatly appreciated! Is there enough self reflection?

I clenched my bow, and took in a deep breath- I was standing backstage, a few minutes away from my first solo performance of Vittorio Monti's Czardas. The long hours of the practice that I had been putting in for the past few months would all come down to how I played in these next few minutes. Even though I could feel my hands trembling as I prepared the first note of the piece, I thought of the passionate longing infused into the first phrases of the piece- my favorite part- and as I drew my bow for the first note of the piece, I only thought of conveying that expression to the people in the audience. With the first note I played, I felt the vibrations of the G string penetrate my chest, soothing my heartbeat. A small smile crept onto my face as I felt the subsequent notes fly from my fingers, and my fingers quivered no longer as I played the last D.

My relationship with my violin has been far from easy. The grip of my hand on the bow, the way I placed my fingers down on each string, and my posture were the subjects of thorough examination for the first few years of my violin playing. I was also completely against playing by myself. Playing in an orchestra was a comfortable setting, and no one would know if I played a wrong note among the sea of sounds coming from the group. Solo performance brought a whole new set of problems aside from just playing the right notes- my facial expression, my sound quality, and every single movement of my bow would be heard, even if it was just an involuntary twitch of my fingers. Meticulous, slow practice was the way I overcame these problems. Although it seemed like grueling experience when I was younger, I now realize the value of all the time I had put into practicing, and how it has contributed to my success in playing and performing today. I don't have to consciously think about my bow to draw it straight across the strings. Instead, I can focus all my attention on the details that make the sounds that come from my violin music, rather than a jumble of notes.

Playing the violin has given me the determination to do the best I can in any task given to me. Even if the start is rough, like those tough months of practice when I felt I was never going to become a better violinist, I can look past that and focus on my goals. Performing in front of people with my violin turned my stage-fright into self-confidence. I could run for a club office, undaunted by the fear of losing. Even if I didn't win, at least I had given it my best shot, or I could try again the next year. The violin has molded me into someone who will not give up easily.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt one- My grandfather; Describe the world you come from [4]

I had prewritten this essay and I was wondering if it could fit this prompt(Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations- especially the 'describe your world' aspect)? Otherwise I'll rewrite the beginning. Any critique on content would also be appreciated!

Somehow, my grandfather was the most energetic of us all as we hiked through the woods, happily snapping photos of whatever wildflowers he saw.

"I want to reach the waterfall by noon!" he declared, knowing full well we were still about a half an hour away at the pace we were walking, and it was already 11:45.

My grandfather was always active and determined. Even in his old age, he chose not to retire, but to relocate from Taiwan to Guam, challenging himself to a new language and culture. Although we were separated by a distance of roughly 8000 miles, he would constantly urge me to "use my time wisely." These four words followed me through every weekend, every break from school, and though I thought I understood the meaning of the statement, my teenage self subconsciously wanted to rebel whenever I heard it from my parents. In the upcoming months, however, I would come to truly understand and appreciate the meaning of those simple words.

The advent of my grandfather's sickness prevented him from doing the things that he loved. As doctors scrambled to find the source of the water leaking into his lungs, my grandfather lay on the hospital bed, debilitated by illness.

I always had an innate curiosity about science; discovering the particular mechanisms of how cells interacted and recognized each other and how inanimate proteins encoded our existence was simply fascinating. Modern medicine's inability to identify my grandfather's illness spurred a change in the conditions of my interest in pursuing science. What was once wonder now became a fervent desire to learn more about the factors that contribute to disease, in hopes that no other person would have to endure what my grandfather went through-- the lack of closure and lying in wait, hoping that something would come along that could save him. Maybe even I, someday, could help relieve someone of an unknown fate.

Seeing my grandfather struggle with his affliction forced a realization of the abruptness of time on my sixteen year-old self. I saw how my grandfather hated having to stay in bed, unable to do anything, when just two weeks before, we had been reunited in Taiwan. I saw how suddenly things could change.

"Use your time wisely."

The words of my grandfather and my parents resounded in my head. They were no longer sounds that nagged at my brain, but rather ones that gave me the determination to try or learn something new every day. There are only twenty four hours in one day. Sleep already takes up six hours of that precious time. My grandfather's death made me reevaluate how I wanted to spend those remaining eighteen hours. I would use every second of my time, fill every tick of the clock with new information. In the times to come, I want to follow in my grandfather's footsteps; to never be at rest nor stop learning, and to utilize every moment of time I have here.

Undergraduate / Columbia's vision of mobility and the Core Curriculum ; Columbia supp- Why? [5]

Having a hilariously hard time with this prompt...ahh. Too general?

Columbia's vision of mobility and the Core Curriculum are two parts of why I would like to attend Columbia. There are many subjects I haven't been able to explore deeply in my high school career, and Columbia's Core Curriculum will enable me to step out of my box and explore those things. Art is one such subject that I hope to expand my knowledge of during my time at Columbia. My appreciation of the perfection in Renaissance art currently is only that of the surface. How do I critically analyze at Michelangelo's art? How can I gain a better understanding of his work in the historical and religious contexts of his time? Everyone is different because of their environment; simple words have different meaning when read in a full sentence or paragraph. Thus, everything must be viewed in context. The Core Curriculum and diversity of the campus enriches students by enabling them to put the world into a broader perspective. This is the sort of environment I would like to spend the next four years of my life in; this is the sort of environment that will prepare me for the real world.

For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past experiences (either academic or personal) attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Application Data section.

House was the show that sparked my interest in biology and medicine. I wanted his ability to analyze the genetic and environmental factors of his patients and ultimately diagnose and treat whatever ailments they were suffering from.

My interest eventually led to my application to the research program at my school and an opportunity to perform research with Dr. J. P. Gergen in his lab at Stony Brook University in the summer between my ninth and tenth grade year. Fruit fly genetics wasn't something I had anticipated would help solidify my passion for biology. The experience showed me how everything is connected; studying the genes of fruit flies- those associated with acute myeloid leukemia in my case- also increased our understanding of similar genes in humans, which could lead to the formation of a new treatment.

Neuroscience became another subject of interest in that, with all the modern technology we have now, our own brains are still a mystery. Why are brain cells unable to regenerate while new skin is made every day? How exactly are our brains able to store and retrieve memories? We still have so much to learn about ourselves, let alone alien planets.

These fields have raised many questions, and my dream is to be able to answer these questions, not only for my own satisfaction, but so I will be able to apply that knowledge to benefit others in the future.

Also, for the meaningful book prompt--

Relationships, reputation, and individuality; most of us adolescents are largely troubled by these concepts as we try to find who we are. The different characters of Nineteen Minutes each have their own vices regarding these three things.

The novel is told from many different perspectives, revolving around the events that happen before a school shooting, and the trial of the shooter that takes place after. What I found most insightful was the perspective of the shooter, Peter, and the girl who was once his best friend, Josie. Peter is ironically the least "corrupted" by popularity and the like, yet is driven to the extreme because of the others who have. Josie abandoned Peter upon entering high school for the "popular crowd." She witnesses her boyfriend, Matt, bully Peter countless times, but turns her eyes from the problem so as to not cross her friend group. The resulting resentment that built up in Peter is eventually released in the form of a Glock and 28 bullets.

The book related the pains of growing up and made me think about the things I value. "If you see something, say something." The words on the flyer posted in about every subway train in New York City. It can apply in any social situation. I had grasped this concept when I read the novel in 2009, but I feel a greater appreciation for the novel after rereading it, and feel that I now truly understand what Picoult wanted to convey. Don't pretend or hope the problem isn't there. Take action.

The character limits is 1500 on all of them--
Sorry for the long post. Any help/critique is greatly appreciated! Thank you!