Undergraduate / 'father become an electrician' Rutgers Essay 2013 Fall Admission [3]

You missed the topic of this essay: It's diversity. How will you contribute to a location of many cultures, experiences, and people. A story about your dad and how he motivated you to work doesn't contribute to diversity.

I'm also an HS senior and I already got accepted into Rutgers Business and Engineering, if you need some sort of credit from me

Undergraduate / 'innocent Chinese people' - Edit my UMich essay [3]

This is just my opinion but usually in all college essays you have to talk about how it impacted you. Sure you answered the question but you generally want to talk about how your club changed you and impacted you as a person, so that the college can learn more about you as a person and whether you fit in or not.

Due to the autocracy of the Chinese government and the education system, innocent Chinese people are brainwashed.

Their ignorance makes me feel the importance of education and the demand of people like me, who knows the background of China and Tibet, has the enthusiasm to pursue liberty and gets the just information freely.

Seems a bit harsh. I'm also an HS senior and I'm a chinese guy applying to UMICH along with many other chinese. Does this mean you'll just alienate us and try to convince us that we're doing evil? Probably not your intended message, but that's what I kind of thought, and might show the college admissions person you won't fit in, esp since Michigan takes in alot of asian people. Make your words less severe. Ex: Because the Chinese government has a very autocractic education system, many of its citizens are unaware of Tibetians. This unawareness made me realize the importance of ________

Undergraduate / 'House Rules / Childhood fantasies' - COLUMBIA SHORT ANSWER [8]

You're applying to Columbia, so you're probably smarter than me, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

Nothing really stands out to me about your first essay. You said you read the book, then just stated general facts about Aspbergers that I could probably just google up right now. Then you just give one sentence about how you want to change Aspbergers. What did you really find meaningful in the book? Just the fact that it shows you Aspbergers is bad? Be specific to the book, it doesn't even seem like you read it if all they say is how Aspbergers is bad

Essay two you try to fill out too much in too little time. You go from saying Columbia is in NY, has a lively social place, a thorough core academic sched, and that you like to write. If you wanted to go to a lively city university with a good academic currciculum to explore you love of writing, those are all features that are just as appealing to Uchicago, Northwestern, MIT, NYU, etc. You should probably research Columbia University, and see if they have an undergraduate program that really really stands out to you and should be very unique to Columbia. (EX: Only brown university lets students create whatever classes they want, no core classes) That way, Columbia knows you looked really deep into them, and that they have something that they, and only they, can provide

Undergraduate / 'my grandfather's bicycle' - COMMON APP ESSAY [6]

This is the common app essay about a person who influenced you right?

College Essays are about you not your grandfather. All I see is an essay about your grandpa and maybe 3 sentences about how he affected you. Cut short some on Grandpa and talk about how his legacy and impact made you an improved person. You should have AT LEAST (typically your last) one paragraph dedicated to how this person's influence changed you.

From this touching story about your grandpa, I can't tell anything about you except how he taught you generosity and respect, and you don't even elaborate on that generosity and respect.

Undergraduate / All you need is some "guts", and you can overcome anything. [5]

You should probably tell why your GI Disease made you work harder. If you just say you got a bad disease and it caused you to strive harder without telling you why, it kind of looks like you're forcing a connection. You want to tell the College Admins person why you changed, then follow up with how you changed.

Undergraduate / "Bullying" ; MIT World Prompt/ world you come from [14]

This is just two stories about bullying, not about how bullying shaped your aspirations

Undergraduate / UChic Supplement Essay about the archnemesis. IS IT OUT OF TOPIC OR TOO RISKY? [5]

College essays aren't supposed to be Tom Clancy books