Undergraduate / 'something more precious than money' - UC application prompt 1...world [3]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

For eighteen years, I've been living in a seemingly insipid world. Besides studying at school, I spend most of my time with my parents. We live in a modest apartment, having dinner together. In my world, it's quite hard to find anything that even approaches the concept of drama as everything's so predictable, routine, and monotonous.

However, in spite of the vapidity, I've got a stable life. Both of my parents have steady jobs, which guarantee there'll be no economic crisis happening in my family. They love each other very much, always sharing sorrows and joys. We go out to have a dinner or watch a movie once a week as a tradition. Unlike those coming from single-parent families, I'm blessed by having experienced familial happiness so closely without any limitation.

Usually every day after dinner, during our reading and sharing time, we sit down to read and sometimes start discussing the principles of life. My parents don't authoritatively drill their ideas into me. Instead, they try to use the dialogue to let me know what's important. Therefore I've gradually formed some principles of my life. Life is hard but joyful. What kind of shape the life takes depends upon my perspective. Money is one of the indispensable elements in my future, but it's not an end-all. There's always something more precious than money, something invaluable, like love, compassion, honesty and integrity. To be a complete human, those are the things that determine whether I achieve success or not. Thus, although now I'm not sure what kind of life I'll have in the future, I'm sure it will be replete with love, compassion, honesty, integrity and happiness. They may seem to be too abstract for people to regard as dreams, but they are truly the final pursuits of those who have already accomplished their big dreams like business tycoon or leading financier or politician. These are the pristine qualities of decent humans, nevertheless being lost on the way to achieve so-called grand success. I will pick them up on my way to the dream.

Ordinary has been a dominant factor in my world where is safe, but far from exciting. I really want to expand my world, to breathe some fresh air, the kind I've never inhaled before, during which I will hold these ideals and spread them to outer world, to wake up the deep craving for fine qualities inside individual's heart. Thus, I've decided to go to UC, to feel something diverse, to test my tenets in reality.

My counselor said that my essay didn't show my plan for my major and career, but Now I am pretty not sure what I will do in the future. To be honest, my family lacks the influence on my career. I really wonder how can I fix this...Thanks!

Undergraduate / the every-weekend movie show - UIUC prompt # 2 [2]

Prompt: In no more than 300 words, tell us something about yourself that isn't covered elsewhere in this application, some interest or experience of yours that you think the University of Illinois should know about as part of the admissions review.

I was the secretary of my class league for the whole three boarding high school years. For me, being a secretary means more than just conducting the task from teachers and school. I wanted to take advantage of my position to relax my classmates' tense nerves under overwhelming learning pressure. Most students in our school came from poor rural families, which indicated the only hope of their family revival burdened on them. The sole method to resurrect was to get into a high-ranked university, which was thoroughly realized by our school principal. Thus our school emphasized almost everything on studying and grades which contributed to the fact that students had little time to take a rest. I, as the study-aboard student who could focus less on schoolwork, figured out one way to ameliorate this situation. I went back home every Friday night to download the latest movies and played them on Sunday afternoon as soon as we finished our weekend-test and then had two-hour free time to take a shower or wash clothes. It was the only vacant time over the entire week and although I knew not all of my classmates would choose to just watch a "relaxing" movie, I still kept doing it. At the beginning, my effort seemed like a joke. Only several classmates sat in the classroom which made the movie show like an exclusive display. But with every-weekend-one-movie going on, the number of classmates sitting in the classroom increased. I clearly remembered after two months executing this plan, I could see over half of the classmates staying in the classroom watch movies. Sometimes I could even find someone I did not know sit in our classroom. That was the student from other classes who heard there would be an every-weekend movie in our classroom and then decided to come by to release his stress. At that time, a feeling of fulfillment hit me. I understood the meaning of what I did and gained the power to keep doing it until the day I had to leave school. In fact, this way can even be called as infinitesimal. However, it did improve the vigor of my classmates. Our class as a whole ranked first among all the classes in the final exam. I never regret doing this. If time permitted, I would display every-weekend movies, for ever.

I had the really impressive memory about this whole thing. And to make the essay clear for readers to understand, I added some background information at the beginning of the paragraph. Now the problem is the word count is much over the required "no more than 300 words". Actually it is already 391 words... Please tell we which part of this essay could be shorten and other parts I can do better to improve this essay. I will check your essay after you give me suggestions, all of which will be well appreciated. Thanks a lot!!!

Undergraduate / It was psychology that bailed me out ;the choice of psychology UIUC [2]

How have your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major? If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

As I got into one of the best high schools in my city, the problem came along with great exultation. I could not accept that I was no longer the only shining star of the school, sometimes even could hardly be spotted as star. I became diffident, dropping into abyss of inferiority. Although I had tried very hard to show the real me to others, all turned out to be in vain. At that time, I came to the psychological counselor in our school for help. Hearing my problem, the counselor smiled at me saying it was no big matter and promising I would be myself again. Skeptically I remembered his words and started to do what he had asked. Every morning as soon as opening my eyes, I was asked to repeat in heart that I was a confident man who was able to face and tackle difficulties in school. Besides, I was asked to be positive, stopping using the negative word like "cannot". One day, two days, three day, one week...I kept telling myself "I can", "I will", beginning to regain the bravery and confidence. I started to participate in the discussion and propose my ideas with determination in class and even contested for the position of vice president of the students' union and finally won the place, all of which were totally unimaginable before. Because of psychological treatment, I again worked and studied as a vigorous student.

Why before I had tried so hard without effect but now just a little mental suggestion triggered crucial transformation? It was psychology that bailed me out of the quandary. Curious interest for this subject emerged in my heart. Some fans and I established a psycho-club in our school. Sometimes we chose to watch psychology-related movies, like Identity and Shutter Island and so on, after which we sat together talking about underlying plots, riveting characters and basic psychological knowledge appearing in the movies. Besides, we also read books like The Interpretation of Dreams, which made us popular among our classmates who gradually turned to us asking for explanations for their outlandish dreams. We all enjoyed the feeling of being the little dream-settlers and for a time interpreting each other's dreams even became prevalent in our campus. The power of psychology really amazed me.

I realized nowadays psychology is taking an increasingly fundamental role in all the subjects and almost everyone needs psychological therapy from time to time, which has been proved on me. Thus I have made up my mind to probe the veiled secrets in the world of psychology. And I believe I will have deeper and better understanding for psychology after my learning at UIUC.

After finishing this essay, I still felt something weird but I didn't know where. And the word count is much over the required one. So plz give me some advice on how to revise this one. I know there are a lot of works needed to be done. Feel free to criticize. All of your suggestions will be well appreciated. Thanks!!!