Undergraduate / I found myself in the USA; Stanford Sup : A phone call that changed my life [3]

Hi, I would be very grateful if I could have some feedback on this essay. I am not a native speaker and therefore struggle with vocab and grammar. I

would be very happy if you could clarify these sorts of errors.

Furthermore, my essay is still too long. I have to reduce it by about 400 caracters. Any suggestions what I can leave out?

Thanks so much

Common App - Supp topic: What matters to you, and why?

Essay:

A phone call that changed my life

It was a stormy night. Heavy raindrops were pounding against my window. I couldn't sleep. Suddenly I heard some strange noises coming out of the kitchen. I listened closely. It seemed as though somebody was talking. Curiously, I snuck out of my room, across the dimly lit corridor towards the kitchen. The door was slightly open, as though it was afraid to touch the frame, leaving no hindrance for words to flood the hallway.

It was my mom on the phone with somebody; but, who was it, why was he/she calling in the middle of the night and what was mom saying? The expressions seemed so strange to me as though she was talking in another language. As I listened longer, I figured it must be English, a language that I just started to learn in school. I could only make out fragments: "This...thank you...is"; "...we will be there in a week" ; "...for about a year...". Then mom hung up.

I was shocked and confused. Where will she/we be in a week? Are we going on vacation? What did she mean with "...a year..." ?

A week later I found myself in the USA, a strange environment for me. The streets, which were embraced by flashy fast food chains, were so broad, the cars so big and distances between buildings seemed to be endless. I wasn't used to this environment. Back at home stores were just a walk or a bike ride away and here nobody seemed to go anywhere without their car.

Even school was a strange place for me. The masses of middle schooled kids were very intimidating. Even the massive, green lockers seemed so menacing. And why was I supposed to change classroom after every period? Much didn't make sense to me back then.

However, after a few weeks I overcame my fears and started to fall in love with the new place that I had come to together with my mom. I discovered so much that Austria lacked. I loved the cordiality of the people, I loved the possibility to shop 24hours a day 7 days a week, I started to love that my teachers focused on my talents instead of on my weaknesses, I start to love that I had more small tests instead of huge exams. I started to love about everything.

Nonetheless, my excitement didn't last. September of 2005 everything changed. My mom and I had to leave the country. Our visa expired.

My biggest wish is to return to the country of all opportunities, my new home.

Undergraduate / Spaghetti cooking instigated the exploration of the new; Stanford App [10]

I would really appreciate feedback, especially on grammar and vocab.

Thanks a lot

Topic : Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

Essay:

Spaghetti cooking instigated the exploration of the new

I was comfortably lying on our fabric couch in the living room, watching TV. Suddenly my stomach rumbled. Once more I was at home by myself and my mom hadn't prepared any food for me. Annoyed I arose from my beloved spot and torpidly strolled over to the kitchen to make myself some spaghetti. I filled the pot with some ice cold water, since it would boil the soonest. At least that is what physics class taught me. I threw some salt in and turned up the stove. Finally, I added the last ingredient: spaghetti. Then I made my way back to the cozy place in the living room that I had left just minutes before.

About twenty minutes later I flexed shocked. I had forgotten the spaghetti! Instantly I dashed over to the kitchen just to find the stove in a mess. The whole water and the foam had spilled over. I was annoyed by my oblivion. It already happened so many times, and now it happened again!

Instantly, I decided that I wouldn't put up with this recurrent quandary anymore. I would find an answer to all my spaghetti cooking problems! However, as web didn't seem to offer an applicable solution, I decided to come up with my own method of preventing the water from spilling over.

Excitedly I explored the web to find out everything that there was to know about the cooking of noodles. As my research turned me into an expert in the field of pasta making, I finally came up with the answer! I already thought of this device as a potential foundation of a small future business.

I liked the idea of my own business. Therefore I soon found myself entangled in different topics like engineering, microeconomics and product production. Since, I found out that the web was the best way for marketing purposes, I even educated myself in programming languages html, java script, css, and php and even stumbled across c++. I learned a lot during this period, however, there is still much more to learn to put this solution into practice and to start my own company!

Undergraduate / College man! I can't wait! It's going to be the best time of our life! - Letter to Stanford roommate [7]

I would appreciate feedback on this letter, especially on grammar and vocabulary

I know I am touching some delicate topics here, and I also am aware of that it's a very informal style, but it's the way that I would

really communicate with somebody over facebook or other platforms for example.

What do you guys think about this style?

I also have to shorten this letter, so any suggestions on that would be appreciated as well.

Thanks in advance for your time

Topic: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Letter:

Dear Stanford Roommate,

College man! I can't wait! It's going to be the best time of our life! I have been looking forward to this moment for so long and now here it is! Parties every day and hot, college chicks; just kidding! Or maybe not? I have always wondered if the parties over there in the US are like the American Pie parties!? I hope we can find out together!?

If I ever got into Stanford with this opening line, and if you ever really read this essay, you would probably ask yourself by now if all I cared about is partying!? Well, the answer is yes, at least on the weekends. For me it is a perfect get-together with your best friends and an opportunity to break free from your ordinary, daily life. I have already been to discos and pubs as early as 16, which is legal in my home country, Austria. However, don't get me wrong: even though I do have a few beers, I am not the person, who will knock himself out completely with alcohol. I am more the guy, who enjoys the atmosphere and if the music is good, I am usually the first one on the dance floor, shaking to the beat.

Even though I am usually not the noisiest roommate, you won't get around listening to some Eminem songs from time to time. He is one of my favorite artists. Even though many people detest him for his offensive lyrics, I really appreciate how he used his inferior circumstances in the past to turn it into something for his advantage.

Eminem's songs aren't just great to listen to in the club, but they are also really motivating when I do sport. There is nothing more satisfying than taking a nice jog or working out in the gym while listening to his music. I Hope you like sport as much as I do!?

I am already really looking forward to meeting you. And by the way, get accustomed to doing chores! I have moved out of home two months ago and now live in a flat together with two other guys in Vienna. Even though it is awesome to be independent and to be able to make your own choices without your parents complaining, you also get to do more chores. Things like washing or cooking aren't that fun! But you will find out soon! But, don't worry in case you ever need help, you know who to ask, right?

Best regards

Undergraduate / Manager at youth travel org/ MATURING FROM THE IMMATURE/Extracuricular activity [2]

I would appreciate some feedback on this short essay, especially on grammar and vocabulary

Thanks in advance: Topic: Describe and extracurricular activity

Overcoming Personal Tears

When I applied to work as a facility manager for a youth travel organization, I found my job not to be anything like I had expected. When I started my duties in Pakostane, a small village in Coratia my first year, I thought I was solely responsible of the maintenance of and the construction on the camp site. However, I soon discovered that I would also play vital roles in stage performances, and entertainment of our young guests.

Since I was very shy back then, I had a lot of trouble talking in front of a crowd in the beginning. However, I soon adapted, and the anxiety of performing for a group slowly subsided. Soon, I was even able to get a crowd to dance along with me, a huge personal success.

I learned a lot from this experience. I didn't just get to know the most interesting, most open minded people, but I also got to know how important some character traits like communicativeness and openness are. I also realized how important first impressions are. However, I especially learned how rewarding it can be to push myself to overcome personal fears.