Essays / The struggle for identity; Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison [3]

At my school, we finished reading the Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison and it opened my mind to how we all once struggled with visibility and blindness in ourlives. So it would be really great if I could get heavy critiquing in idea, grammar, and just about everything else.

Identity

We all struggle with identity. Are we who we are because we define ourselves as so or is recognition from others needed to be visible? This question has plagued societies, ethnicities, and individuals as young as children for generations. This was most prevalent in my life during middle school; everyone associated me with Indian or Middle Eastern tendencies because of both my physical features and the already established stereotypes they learned growing up. With high cheek bones, a slender body structure, caramel-colored skin, and soft curly hair, my physical features do favor those of South and Middle East Asia. Whether it was the ignorance of adolescence or lack of cultured values; their blindness hurt me. They could not see that I was Christian and not Hindu or Muslim, or that my parents didn't own a gas station, or many other common stereotypes, but eventually, I had to give in and accept that I couldn't get them to see who I really was. I couldn't be who I wanted to be because the society I was placed in already labeled me something I wasn't and any attempt at fighting it would only be fighting an un-winnable battle. I lost who I was and conformed to what was around me. I gave up what made me different, becoming invisible at the same time. In a broader scope, society places destructive labels on ethnicities. These labels inhibit any attempt at complex individuals, and instead, classify them under a common generality regardless of their individuality. Simple stereotyping like "white men can't jump" or "all Asians are good at math" categorizes all Asians, white males, and anyone else that falls under that generality but it does more than take away what makes them different. It blinds society from those that defy the stereotype, enclosing those categorized in that generality, taking away what makes them different from the rest, and effectively destroying their visibility. Whether they fight the quota or not, these individuals are caught in a double whammy: either ridiculed by the quota for being different or not fulfilling who they are by giving in to society's stoic image of them. Individuals must conform internally, and eventually externally, to the quotas today. We are forced to suffer a life of unoriginality and to neglect what makes us different. The only way to counteract invisibility is for individuals, people like you and me are to not: be blind to others around us, accept preconceived notions established by society, and to see others for who they are and not who we are supposed to believe they are. To function in this world as who we want to be and not adhere to stereotypes and quota's will then allow for us to be seen for our real identities.

Thank you again!

Undergraduate / Soccer! - Comm. App - Elaborate an Extracurricular [2]

So the Common App. topic
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below.
I chose to elaborate the sport Soccer and I would like criticism before I send this off within the next few days. THANK YOU!

A round ball and two goals separated by a hundred yards of freshly cut grass are not much at face value. Add twenty two other people, and a game of soccer becomes one of the most relaxing experiences provided. Soccer flourishes with challenges and achievements for any and everyone. From being as precise as staying on-sides on an attack, to full on sprints to get a loose ball from a defender; it demands the most physically and mentally.

Soccer can be extremely relieving, as well. Whether angry after an argument with a relative or frustrated from a failed test from class, soccer clears your mind. All of your problems temporarily trade-offed for peace of mind, calming, warm sweat and loosened muscles. Faced with unpredictable challenges like preventing the opposition from scoring, knowing when to move to execute the offside trap, devising plans to score goals, and many other factors of the game; soccer provides an opportunity to cast off any stress and have some fun.

Once again thank you!

Undergraduate / Dual Enrollment; Emory // Unique qualities [3]

Hello Essay Forum,
Below is my essay on Emory and why I found it interesting. I would like harsh critiquing please and I need to shorten it to 250 and I'm etching close to 300, and again thank you!

What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s) to which you are applying (Emory College, Oxford College, or both), that make you want to become part of Emory University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Its inherent Emory University is infatuated with the number two. Ranked twentieth in U.S. News and World Report best colleges and national universities rankings, a pair of gentlemen donating over a hundred million dollars' worth of Coca Cola stocks to the school, or simply owning more than two million-square feet of Eco building; indeed, Emory has an impressive share of two's. As a student, the opportunity to attain both a Computer Engineering and Computer Science degree by the dual enrollment program in engineering with Georgia Institute of Technology is the pair I find most intriguing.

Many undergraduate schools offer dual enrollment but none deemed with international acclaim in research as Emory University does. The opportunity to study Computer Science at the Emory College of Arts and Science for three years will be a forthright affirmation that I will have one of the strongest technology and research resources the south has to offer. As well as with an average of less than 10:1 student teacher ratio, I will be surrounded by what I believe to be some of the most erudite students and professors very few will be able to experience. I will be in a sanguineous environment, inundated by peers and teachers of severe reverence who advocate nothing less than excellence. In those three years at Emory University, I will have the ability to attend a university that has unquestionably grasped its reputation as a world class university through its aspiration to offer its student the best education possible. I know that attending Emory University as a dual enrolled student I can attain both my dream of a Computer Engineering degree as well as my previous love of a Computer Science degree at a five year pace that any other student would love to call a domicile.