mr_scottyt
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / How France Made Me Change Schools/ Common App [7]
it seems no one has replied, so i will! i didnt look for grammar mistakes but my overall feedback is as follows:
i think you could make it a more "grabbing" introduction if you presented the problem in a more dramatic fashion. perhaps focus on when you were told you options to make a decision? then you can go in to detail about why after that
in the conclusion, rather than focusing on how you are looking to the future and not really considering the past, focus on the qualities that you possess that allowed you to make the decision. it sounds as if you were thoughtful, considered all potential options then selecting the best one. you clearly do not regret it so you chose the best option for you.
decisiveness and thoughtfulness are qualities that colleges are looking for, and i think you should present them more explicitly in your conclusion. you currently are relying on interpretation to find those qualities.
the topic is interesting and i think if you make these changes to the intro and concl you can have a very good essay
best of luck to you!
it seems no one has replied, so i will! i didnt look for grammar mistakes but my overall feedback is as follows:
i think you could make it a more "grabbing" introduction if you presented the problem in a more dramatic fashion. perhaps focus on when you were told you options to make a decision? then you can go in to detail about why after that
in the conclusion, rather than focusing on how you are looking to the future and not really considering the past, focus on the qualities that you possess that allowed you to make the decision. it sounds as if you were thoughtful, considered all potential options then selecting the best one. you clearly do not regret it so you chose the best option for you.
decisiveness and thoughtfulness are qualities that colleges are looking for, and i think you should present them more explicitly in your conclusion. you currently are relying on interpretation to find those qualities.
the topic is interesting and i think if you make these changes to the intro and concl you can have a very good essay
best of luck to you!