Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay -Why go to university (career preparation, self-actualization) [7]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, more and more people choose to enter university or college after they have completed the study in high school. Different people do so for different reasons. In my view, career preparation and self-actualization are two main reasons that so many people consider attending university or college.

Firstly, let us look what is the most important thing for almost people in the future? I assert that it is a stable profession. Because if you don't have it, what would you do when you stepped into self-made life? Of course, nobody wants to be dependent on someone. Therefore, almost of us need to be well-skilled for future job. In this situation, choosing to enter university or college seems to be a perfect choice. At univesity or college, you will be well-educated about knowledge, skills at specialty that you choosed. After all, you will get a diploma when you graduate. This is a very important thing that thanks to it, you will find a job more easily.

Besides, attending to university or college springs from tendency to self-actualization of everyone. After graduated from high school, there are many ways for you to choose. But continuing to study at university or college rather than joining the army for many people is more valuable, especially for young people. It's because they think that the mass of people today appreciate and respect those who are well of knowledge, well-skilled, high degree. In addition, after graduated from university, it's easier to study towards a higher degree. These are big motivation makes people to attend college and university.

In conclusion, of many reasons for people to go to university or college, career preparation and self-actualization have been the most primary. And once at college environment, you are moving towards your dream accompanying with more respected, more confident, more excited...

Thank you for correcting me.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Parents are the best teachers (Devotion and penetration) [8]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use
specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

What are the most important factors of a best teacher? Different people will have different respondes depending on their own characteristics or educational backgrounds... However, I strongly believe that those are penetration of leaner and outstandingly devotion. For these reasons, I assert that our parents are the best teachers, not anyone else such as our friends, our schoolteachers...

Since we were born, our parents are those who have taught us how to walk, how to speak, what are good manners and bad manners... They are also those who have witnessed our every step in our development, from our gesture, our behavior, our language... In other words, our first awareness of life is influenced the most by our parents; our change in both physical and mental development is all observed by our parents. Therefore, there is no doubt about that only parents can understand their children thoroughly. And once they did, they know how you feel, what you need and what teaching is best for you.

Besides, people who are always devoted to us and want to bring all best to us is no one but our parents. Those spring from blood relationship. This makes parents love and care about their children the most. This makes they feel responsible to their children life? I know exactly these because of my parents, as an example, they always worry about me when I'm tired a bit, when I study badly, I'm sad, I'm angry and all of my feeling. After that, they always give me deep-felt and full-experienced advices which left me feeling of strong, safeness, confidence... I have learned many highly valuable lessons from those advices.

For brief, lacking insight of you, teachers can not find the best solution for teaching you; lacking devotion, they do not have motivation to find that best and to teach wholeheartedly. Accordingly, our parents, who have both of those are only ones can really teach us best.

Thank you for correting me.
-How many marks would I get if this essay was on real TOEFL Test?
-On this essay, I was confused of using tenses in some cases. If you find any mistake of using tenses, please give me advice on why I have to correct it like you do.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Convenience food can not improve the way we live. [15]

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Although it is undeniable that these kinds of food are convenient, we should consider pertinently the other side of this issue. In my view, this convenience is just a short-term benefit. In long-term, its real effect on us is of a troubling problem.

At first sight{I can't find another}, foods which are easier to prepare have generated a big advantage. Cooking them save us a great amount of time, therefore we can do other important things.But in reality, potentially negative effect is still not considered properly.

The most remarkable effect is the gradual declining health of us.Firstly, canned and frozen food are taken as examples of easy-to-prepare foods. Canned food and frozen food are not as good for health as fresh food.It's because fresh food arrives at your table with its largely unchanged appearance, and its nutrients-including fiber content-intact.Meanwhile canned foods are notorious for being higher in added salt and sugar and frozen meals are known for the additives they often require. According to a recent New York Times article, using canned foods frequently leds to accumulation of preservative substance that caused more than 320000 people had cancer anually. Secondly, the thing using easy-to-prepare foods lead to the fact that people do not care much about cooking.The more that kind of food is used, the more people are bad at cooking. This brings about depending on canned food or frozen food. Of course the more people depend on this stuff, the more their health will be harmed.

To conclude, although convenience food has become more popular, it still can not improve the way we live. Therefore, no matter how the life is busy, it is necessary to cook fresh food as frequently as possible. Always remember that "health is worth more than gold!"

Thank you for correcting me.
How many marks would I get if this essay was on real TOEFL Test?

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay - PR: from-books knowledge and experiential knowledge [6]

It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast
knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which
source is more important? Why?

------------ Thank you for correcting me --------------------------------

There are two main channels that people acquire knowledge from: experience and books. Although experience brings us pragmatic knowledge that is more suitable for own us, I still believe that "books are the best teacher", an old cliche, just because containing knowledge networks of all humanity would bring much more serial benefits.

Knowledge that's from books is more abundant than our own experiential knowledge. It's obivious because knowledge that we gain through experience is limited to our position, our ability, and our opinions. In contrast, books can tell you so many thing about this world-even where you've never seen, about the history-when is impossible for you to spend. In other words, from-books knowledge is very helpful for what you can't experient by yourseft.

Nevertheless, abundance does not mean everything. There is something we can only learn from experience, no book can tell exactly about it. For example, before, I read a psychological book, it tells me about how to make friend. However, I really couldn't have made friend if I had followed the steps in the book. In reality, the steps are just general theory; they need to be adjusted to suit with the context at the time. And what I know to adjust was just what I learned when I was trying to make friend.

In conclusion, both from-books knowledge and experiential knowledge have their own benefits. However, I put more appreciation toward from-books knowledge. This source is not only voluminous but also having many fundamental things which are the core to build our own experiential knowledge on.