Undergraduate / Music releases my stress ; Extracurricular Activities [6]

I need help with my writing. This is a short answer on the Common App for admission to a university I want to go to. Help with grammar, structure, tone, style...everything! Don't be afraid to comment, I need the honesty.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (Recommended length: 250 words)*

I close my eyes and let my mind drift away. The beat of the drums matches the beat of my heart, and the mellifluous voices enchant me with their words. It doesn't take long for my breathing to slow down and for my entire body to relax as I try to decipher the meaning of the lyrics in a good song. Music releases my stress and even gives me a different perspective on how other people think of a certain situations-- a difficult love affair, an argument with a friend, or dealing with a tough environment. Even if the song doesn't relate with something that has happened to me, it gives me an idea of what it is like to feel what others feel, because the lyrics are something that have gone through someone's mind and the music adds emphasis on those thoughts and feelings. When I open my eyes because the song is over, I can think clearly on how to face the obstacles in my own life.

Undergraduate / Using Intelligence in a professional manner; College App/ Stanford Intellectual Vitality [2]

Please help me with this essay. Any comments on grammar and structure. Anything? Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, honesty is important in this case. I feel like it is terribly written and might be confusing to some readers...hopefully not.Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (250 word limit.)*

An experience that has made me think of myself as an intellectual like no other, is the experience I have been given through work. Having a job at a restaurant may not sound like an intellectual job at all, but I consider it very intellectual.

An intellectual person to me is someone who uses their intelligence in a very professional manner. Whether it is for the inquiry or reasoning of a concept, I feel like I do that every time I inquire over a customer.

I often get to wondering, why some customers get flustered more than others over a hamburger that they ordered a certain way, and they receive it made the wrong way. Some customers will eat the food anyway, and others will make a big commotion over it. I want to understand why they react so differently. I want to understand that psychology between people and the love of perfection in their food.

Furthermore, in the inquiry of how my customers think I have learned the value of customer service. It becomes part of a profession to treat others well, and how to deal with the challenges they bring. It is like an in depth sociology, because I see the difference between the behavior of a horde of customers and the behavior of just two customers.

It may not be intellectually satisfying to learn how to deal with people's problems to most, but to me it is important because it has developed my character intellectually.

Thank you in advance.

Undergraduate / How better this world could be in the near future; What matters the most [2]

I had such a tough time with this essay. I know that education truly is important to me, but I am afraid that this might be something that is too overused. I mean, education...really? Some kids don't even like going to school. Anyway, any feedback, grammatical corrections...anything at all. If you feel like I should write about something else for this essay, please tell me. I want to be different from all the other applicants.

What matters to you, and why? (250 word limit.)*

There is a long list of subjects, ideas, activities, and people that matter to me. The one thing that means the most though, is education. No matter what anyone says about it, I know that education has the power to change the world we live in today; it has for ages. Through education, I have seen unfortunate people be able to completely change their circumstances and rid themselves of their poverty. I have heard of people that have created wonderful machines and devices that have facilitated the lives of millions. With the power that comes with knowledge, many women have been able to set themselves free from the cult of domesticity.

To think of the all the possibilities that are available to me is what makes me dream big. If taught properly, I could build my own computer, create my own software, design my own future home. I could help feed and clothe the needy, and even help provide more opportunities with good schools to children in third-world countries.

I feel like the only reason we have even progressed as a society is because of what we have been able to achieve when we scavenge for the most mysterious of our thoughts, sort them through, and speak our minds to the world. Of course, there is a whole lot more that we have to work on, because the world isn't perfect. Just the thought of how much better this world could be in the near future is what matters most.

Undergraduate / 'quiet and shy individual' Common App! Letter to future roommate and a few short answers [5]

So these are some of the questions I had to answer. I want help with anything I can fix, and by anything I mean anything and everything! There is also a short essay at the bottom included. I would like help on that one too.

Please respond to the following seven inquiries so we can get to know you better. Do not feel compelled to use complete sentences.

Name your favorite books, authors, films, and/or musical artists.
My favorite book isThe Devil in the White City, and my favorite movie is the Sixth Sense. I like anything with mystery or a twist to its ending, and that is what both my favorite movie and book have in common. The kind of music that I like to listen is rock, alternative, and music from the1980's.

What newspapers, magazines, and/or websites do you enjoy?
I really don't like magazines, because what is mostly found on a magazine is gossip. I seldom read newspapers, but if I do its to read about current news around the area that I live in; I read the Citizen's Tribune. I sometimes go to Facebook on my spare time to communicate with relatives that I haven't seen in a long time

What is the most significant challenge that society faces today? (50 word limit.)
Worldwide poverty is a challenge that has remained through the ages. There has always been a gap between the really wealthy, and the really poor. If that gap could be closed, there would be more equal opportunities for everyone.

How did you spend your last two summers? (50 word limit.)
I enjoyed my last two summers by reading good books, and learning new skills like weaving and graphic designing. Although my family and I didn't travel anywhere, we did enjoy spending time together by watching movies, going to the library, and camping on our backyard

What were your favorite events (e.g., performances, exhibits, sporting events, etc.) this past year? (50 word limit.)
An event that was of particular interest to me was the car show that I went to see not so long ago. It was a nice sunny day that made the brilliance of the colors of the cars shine even more. The models of the classic cars were so unique that it made me think of how important it is for younger generations to appreciate the lifestyles of the past.

What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed? (50 word limit.)
Although it may seem insignificant, it is of great importance to me to thank those who sacrificed themselves for the freedom of others. A historical event I would have liked to have witnessed is the arrival of the first twenty-nine Navajo code talkers to Camp Pendleton in May 1942. They created the elaborate Navajo code that helped win World War II

What five words best describe you?
Friendly, persevere, self-councious, reserved, tolerant

ESSAY PART!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (250 word limit.)

Dear Roommate,

There is nothing much to say about myself since I can be a very quiet and shy individual. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that I am going to be boring and not fun to talk to. On rare occasions I talk a lot when I find a subject of interest to discuss with another person.If you don't like talkative people then it would be a good idea to never mention anything dealing with Norse and Greek mythology, psychology, biology, music, or vintage collectibles. In mentioning any of my interests, you might unleash the Mrs. Hyde of my persona.

When I am in a serene mood I have a few activities that I enjoy doing on my spare time, and it would be mean a lot to me to someday share my joys with a friend that understands my passions. I like to draw and paint, read books, watch movies, and make bracelets. If you don't enjoy any of those activities, it is understandable.

In having the opportunity to get a great education in a prestigious university, I would like to share my learning insights with you since we are very likely to come across ground-breaking and brain-straining assignments. I am usually a person that likes to work on her own pace and with no one's help, but I would like to try something different for once. When I am experiencing something new, I don't like to experience it alone.

Sincerely Yours,

Monica G.

Undergraduate / ''Holmes adored Chicago,'' ; Favorite book; University of Chicago [3]

Any comments on it? Grammatical errors? Something I should add or delete? Anything you comment on is appreciated. Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. Honesty counts.

Share with us a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, blogs, magazines, or newspapers. Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.

''Holmes adored Chicago,'' I read eagerly as I turned the page, ''adored in particular how the smoke and din could envelop a woman and leave no hint that she had ever existed, save perhaps a blade-thin track of perfume amid the stench of dung, anthracite and putrefaction.'' This was Chicago, in the late 19th century, a time when women could step into the world and travel, find adventure, or employment. Chicago, of course, offered all three possibilities. It was also the perfect place for murderers to release their macabre passions and desires and never get apprehended for it, until it was too late. For its incredible historical detail and novelistic effect, The Devil in the White City is my favorite book.

Most of the book revolves around the World's Fair of 1893 and the story of an architect, William H. Burnham, who desperately tries to complete the building of the entire fair in a short amount of time. What I love most about the book is not only the incredible historical facts and details the book gives but also how the author managed to give the book a novelistic effect with the story of a murderer who used the fair as a tool to lure women into his house of horrors. After reading the book for the first time I was left shocked at how far human nature can into the evil side and I became fascinated with history and psychology, because at that point I wanted to learn how it is that criminals become criminals. What exactly do they feel and think as they are committing a crime? Do they feel any remorse afterwards for what they have done? Was there anything specific in their childhood that triggered them to become insane or unstable?

I love the intrigue, mystery, and suspense of the book and it will take many other reads to get me to like another book as much as I love this one.

Undergraduate / Engineering project / Happiness word - University of Virginia short essays [3]

So I need help with these two short essays. They are not too long, but I do need help. Any comments on it? Grammatical errors? Anything I should add or delete? Any help is greatly appreciated. Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. The second essay, I must say, is a little weird.

If you were given funding for a small engineering project, what would you do?* (Limit 250 words)

There is no object in this world that hasn't been touched by the hands of an engineer and that is what fascinates me about their innovations; everything they do is for improvement.

If I were to have the funding for a small engineering project I would think in small and very simple measures. I notice the smallest details about a person, for example, the color of their eyes, the way they walk, or how nervous they get. I know some people's hands sweat when they get nervous, and they especially get nervous when they are with people and they have to shake hands with them. It would be of great benefit and satisfaction for a person whose hands sweat because of nervousness to longer have to worry about it. I could create gloves that not only resembled the human skin, but also soaked up the sweat off their hands while wearing them, and evaporated the sweat through small pores in the gloves. In having gloves like these, nervous people would eventually get used to the feeling of not being nervous and not need them anymore. Still, the idea of gloves that resemble real human skin would still be of benefit to those who have suffered burns on their hands, or perhaps other parts of their bodies that they would like to hide. Because it is the smallest details that count, it is the smallest details we should most pay attention to.

What is your favorite word and why? (Limit 250 words)

When I hear my favorite word, I imagine a little elf dancing by a tree in a meadow. The life of this little elf is a difficult one, but because of his mindset he always manages to look at the best of side of every one of his misfortunes. Before he knows it, his life becomes better, because every event in his life from then on turns out happy and beneficial in a certain way. In my mind the name of this happy little elf is Happiness, therefore, "happiness" is my favorite word.

I love the sound of the word itself, or rather the mischievous elf laugh I hear in my mind that always encourages me to just turn up the volume of the music as high as possible before I pull my hair out over school. Because of my own imagination, I have created a fake imaginary elf role model who is someone I very much want to be like one day. Because of this word I have managed to admit that although I haven't accomplished as much as others, I know that no matter what happens one day I will look in the mirror and see deep into my own eyes, and think of how life is not as bad as it seems to be. Life is beautiful regardless of how much I have cried, shouted, and fought against the poverty that holds me down. One day I will find the true meaning of the word.

Undergraduate / 'Allowing myself to learn' - University of Chicago Essay! Why UC? [5]

This is probably the most lame, and trite essay ever. So I need help. Any comments? Anything I can change or delete? Any comment would be great help.

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.*

During my college searching, I have discovered some of the qualities in life I truly value. The University of Chicago seems like a place in which I can learn as much as I allow myself to learn. I can't shove aside the fact that it looks like the ideal place for the sprouting of innovational ideas watered by the liquids of excitement and determination.

The mysterious yet elegant city of Chicago has always gotten my attention, and having lived there the first 8 years of my life, the city has encrypted in me a love for gothic architecture. The architects who designed the city, and the school, inspire me to be an architect of my own creations. Maybe I won't design buildings, but I feel like I could design and manipulate the way my inventions or discoveries help the world one day.

UChicago has built the ideal atmosphere in which a student can truly learn. Although it is a large university, it has a 6 to 1 student/ faculty ratio, therefore it provides an opportunity for a curious student like me, to exchange ideas with other students and have an actual connection with my professors. I could learn about other cultures from the international students that visit the school. I believe that culture is something that has a great impact on education because it allows students to learn about different perspectives, ideas, and values. Having graduated from a school, I want to feel like I not only learned something, but also made friends that I will hopefully stay in contact with the rest of my life.