Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Writing Task 2 - Purpose of prison [3]

Some people think that the only purpose of prison is to punish criminals. Others, however, argue that it has other purposes as well. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Essay:
Prison, as a treatment of criminals, has been serving the purpose of punishing criminals for centuries. Some people believe that it is the only purpose of prison, while others argue that the purposes of prison should not be limited to punishment. Personally, I am in favour of the latter opinion.

Originally, people developed prison system to punish criminals. As an old saying goes: What goes around comes around. The consequence of committing a crime is the loss of freedom and long-term imprisonment, so that prisoner can reflect on their actions. In some cases, prisoners are sentenced to serve the prison to death, meaning they will never have the chance to go back to normal life, which is a life time punishment. However, as the development of prison system, nowadays it becomes serving more than one purpose and undertakes multi-roles in the society.

Firstly, reforming criminals becomes an important duty of prisons. In order to reduce the re-offending rate and help those prisoners to go back to society, some prisons offer training programs to equip the prisoners with employment skills. Furthermore, as part of the prisoners have mental issues or being addicted to drugs or alcohol, some counselling programs are provided to rehabilitate them. Therefore, prison is also in a role of helping and reforming offenders, rather than serving solely as a punishment tool.

Secondly, prison provides security to the society. As being locked in the prison, criminals are not allowed to pose threats to others anymore, ensuring the stability and safety of the society. Otherwise, parents would be so worried when their children running around in a park and people would be so scared of taking cash out of ATM.

In conclude, prison not only serves as a punishment tool, but also taking important roles in reforming offenders and providing security to the society.

Please give some feedback to the essay above in terms of the structure, coherence, cohesion and task response. If it is possible, please let me know the rough mark I could get in IELTS (Band 6, 7 or 8?). Thank you very much!

Writing Feedback / IELTS (Academic)Task 2- Responsibility to pay for the cost of road development [16]

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on the road systems. Some people think that the government should be responsible for the costs. Others, however, argue that car users should pay for the costs. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Essay:
As the number of cars on the roads increasing these days, a debated issues is undertaken about whether government or car users should pay for the cost of developing road system. Personally, I believe that government should take the main role in building road system, however, car users, as the direct beneficiary, need to share more of the cost.

On one hand, government has an undeniable responsibility in developing roads, since car users are not the only group gaining benefits from efficient road system. On a macro level, the social economic will be boosted, as efficient traffic system dwindling the gap between urban and rural areas, meaning more job positions will be provided and more investment opportunities will be created. On a micro level, other groups, such as car manufacturers, people without cars but using public transportation and tourists, also benefit from extensive and fast traffic. Therefore, as the project involves the interests of different groups, it should be financially supported and accomplished by government.

On the other hand, some people argue that since the government raise funding primarily from taxpayer's income, it seems so unfair to certain individuals to share the cost, especially to those people who always travel on foot rather than using road-vehicles. Accordingly, it makes sense that car users pay more of the cost through higher road registration fee or extra road develop tax on petrol.

In conclusion, it should be government's responsibility to financially support and develop efficient road system. But from the perspective of fairness, car users should contribute more money than other groups.

Writing Feedback / IELTS (Academic)Task 2- Is advertisement just a form of entertainment? [2]

If a product is good and can meet people's needs, people will buy it. Advertising in the media is no more than a form of entertainment. To what extend you agree or disagree this opinion?

Essay:
As more and more companies invest enormous amount of money in advertisement, people start to argue about whether such investment will influence customers' decision making or it is just a type of entertainment. Personally, I believe customers make decisions partly based on their needs and quality of the products, however, they are also influenced by the advertisement of the products.

To begin with, advertisement can inform customers those products not well known by general public. If a new product just come out on market, with good design and quality, but low brand awareness, seldom people would choose to buy it even it fits their needs, as customers are not sure about the functions it provides or customers are not certain about the quality without comments from previous users. In this case, advertisement, as a promoting tool, can provide a better understanding about the usage, design and functions of the product, attracting more attentions from customers and eventually improving the brand awareness.

Furthermore, advertisement is a better way to persuade customers to buy the product. As we know, customers, as visual creatures, are more easily persuaded by beautiful images and impressive music, rather than long and dull instruction at the back of the product. By that it means visualizing the product by providing advertisement, to some extend, should be able to influence customers' decisions.

Admittedly, advertisement provide a lot of entertainment to their audience. Sometime even though people decide not to buy the product after watching the advertisement, they still enjoy the process watching the advertisement, especially those with attractive story lines or colourful designs. For example, to those people waiting for trains in the stations, watching advertisement on TV screen helps them kill the time and offers them a lot pleasure.

In conclusion, advertisement is obviously not only a form of entertainment, but also a selling tool used by companies to promote new products and influence customers' decision making.

Can anyone give some feedback in terms of the criteria about task response and coherence? Thank you!!