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Posts by montegrappa
Name: Montgrappa
Joined: Feb 22, 2014
Last Post: Feb 26, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 10  
From: Hong Kong
School: Imperial College London

Displayed posts: 13
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montegrappa   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents. [5]

Debates on whether talent is a precursor to one's success have long been heated. Some content that training alone may make decent sport player or musician, whereas the opponents of this assert that talent is in no doubt an integral part of these careers. From my perspective, the latter preposition is more persuasive due to the fact that most renowned sport people have excellent physiques and that majority of profound musicians are found to be talent since young.

Admittedly, rarely do professional sport players or musician becomes successful without receiving intense training. Beethoven, for instance, went on to find a renowned music teacher to coach his music development. C. Ronaldo, a famous football star, again embodies this idea perfectly considering his persistency in soccer training. Nevertheless, these do not undermines the importance of talent by far.

The fact that the genetic programming of numerous sport players making them to be competitive fortifies the argument that talent is a prerequisite to almost all sport's achievements. The raw talents and physical attributes of C. Ronaldo, as an ample evidence, allow his talent to shine in a different way. On the contrary, disproportion amount of training may discourage a normal child from persistently aspiring for the goal and may make him become a non-shining sport player finally. Apparently, successful sport players are normally talents.

Another equally important point is that talents do also positively correlate with a musician's achievements. Although Beethoven kept practicing his skills, he would never succeed without his sensitivities to music notes and imagination towards music compositions. In contrast, untalented characteristics turn people down. Obviously, many children who are forced to play pianos yet no talent at all become operators of piano instead of musicians. Thus, the argument is again justified.

To sum up, talent opens up child certain avenues for sportsmanship and musicianship, affords child various unprecedented personal growth, and catalyses the success of one's personal development. Children are, therefore, recommended to utilise their talents instead of pushing themselves too much.

This is my first attempt and I am awaiting all your comments, desperately, thanks! :]
montegrappa   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl: "To err is human" - listening to the advice of family and friends [9]

My english is not so good at all but I'm trying my best to give some unprofessional comments :]

so family members and friend's advice can be great support or a guide to resolve the quandaries.
Parallelism is needed:
1. the advice from family members and that from friends
2. family member's and friend's advice

Advice from family members can be considered most wise notion as they come through parents self - experience.On the other hand,our life will be full of trials if we decide to learn through our experiences, living lessons of not repeating the mistakes and continuing the good efforts.

Both hashave their own exquisite merits as suchthus it is difficult for us to comprehend that whether life becomes easyeasier by our experience or with the help of family and folks advice.
montegrappa   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS. The Question is: The replacement of old workers. Do you agree or disagree? [3]

Be in no doubt of that,F resh-graduates are potential to contribute in, undoubtedly, makes a company to become more efficient. It is hard to enunciate this view without other views Secondly, the old workers undoubtedly have abilities and experiences to deal with a stabilization and foundation of companies. (Sorry, don't understand...)

My advice is to make clear your logical progression prior to your writing, cheers! :)
montegrappa   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers? [4]

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.

What factors contribute to job satisfaction?

How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

My attempt:

Opting for a decent job that a person highly satisfies with demands thoughtful considerations. After looking at such critical contributing factors argued by many scholars as compensation packages, job autonomy and recognition from management, my personal sentiments are on par with the idea that management acknowledgment simulates employees' satisfaction. Such an ideal working environment, unfortunately, is almost non-exist in the reality.

Management recognition of employees is in no doubt a catalyst to job satisfaction. Graphic designers, for instance, greatly desire for receiving motivation given by senior management because their works are thought to be valued. Bankers, who work at Goldman Sachs as ample example, do demand not merely much discretionary bonus, but also recognition from management after closing every big deal. These make apparent that psychological support positively correlates with level of job satisfaction of specific worker.

The aforementioned situations are neither common nor plausible in most organisations due to the fact that fierce competitions are commonplace among employees and that frameworks set by graphic designers in the case of the previous paragraph hinder the creativity of novel advertisements designs. Thus, the management either overlooks the individual's accomplishments of workers as workers are in harsh competitions, or ignores the creativity of works as the existence of stereotyping in the mind of management. Overall level of job satisfaction of employees, therefore, exhibits a drop naturally.

To sum up, although competition among operators and expectation of management could end up with vicious cycle, workers are recommended to by all means draw the eyeball of management by gearing up themselves. Indeed, only a minority of workers but never all of them will win out and satisfy with their jobs finally.
montegrappa   
Feb 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents. [5]

dumi
Hi there, sorry this's my fault.

Below is the whole questions prompt, and this is a essay for IELTS writing task II.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not.

However, It is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views.


Thanks for your comments and warm reminders!
montegrappa   
Feb 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents. [5]

Is this essay written for IELTS or TOEFL purpose? Better mention that in the title itself so that others can provide you with more task related comments. Also include the full prompt in your essay for us to understand what it really does require from you.

essayforum. com/graduate-essays-4/realistic-expectation-job-satisfaction-all- workers-56004

Please also comment on my other piece if possible :]
Many thanks!!
montegrappa   
Feb 24, 2014
Essays / me being content in quiet private surroundings as me being an introvert [2]

Hey dear, what kind of UG degree are you apply for?

If you are applying for some degrees such as IT, engineering or designs, I think it is perfectly okay for you as a introvert.
- You may describe something (or some achievements) that you accomplished in quiet surroundings

But when it comes to business school application, outgoing personalities may definitely a precursor to the success.

Hope it helps. :)
montegrappa   
Feb 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS (Writing 2) - Personality development - Born characteristics Vs Experiences [3]

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.

Which do you consider to be the major influence?

My Attempt:

Personality development is definitely an interesting yet complicated topic to explore. Amongst the heated debates on whether inherited characteristics or life experience is the most critical contributing factor to this development, my personal sentiments are on par with the idea that the great importance of life experience outweighs its counterparts.

Genetic programming, admittedly, plays an important role in shaping one's personality. For instance, unlike his family members, a neighbour of mine is born to be rude and he always fails to take other's feeling into account. Thus, nothing but inherit attributes could explain this development. Nevertheless, this can never undermine the solid correlations between this development and life experience.

By contrast, life experience such as receiving education could instill people with high moral standards and therefore alter one's personality. My young cousin, who was caught by his father for his robbery behaviour as an ample example, rectified his misconduct and develops a high degree of honesty as well as integrity after receiving proper values inculcation. This makes apparent that personality can be changed throughout life lessons.

Further, critical events can also shape one's personality. Jacqueline, another friend of mine, was undoubtedly an extrovert girl whereas hardly could she stop from talking to others even for an hour. However, she was turned to be an introvert person and has refused to communicate with virtually everyone after the death of her parents because of the car accident 2 years before. Thus, critical event is in no doubt being able to alter one's personality abruptly.

To sum up, although inherit characteristic do shape one's personality, the influence on one's personality development by life experiences is obviously outweighs that by its counterparts.

(278 Words)

Desperate for all your comments ! :(
montegrappa   
Feb 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers? [4]

Hi dear,

I'm trying to do so but found it quite uncomfortable seems because I have unfortunate got used to the style of GMAT...

Could you please also give me more comment to my new piece of writing?

essayforum. com/writing-feedback-3/writing-personality-development-56036

Many thanks!! :(
montegrappa   
Feb 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS (Writing 2) - Personality development - Born characteristics Vs Experiences [3]

Hi dear,

Thanks for your comment.

Would you have any suggestions on separating this thesis statement for example?

I am unfortunately trained my GMAT and feel comfortable with extremely long and boring sentences...

Another question, what do mean by coherent line?

:( Please help if it is possible
montegrappa   
Feb 25, 2014
Letters / Review my Motivation Letter - Must be by Next Sunday HELP [3]

Hi dear,

Throughout your essay of motivation I can see your career progression and skills learned and use.

My only recommendations for you are:
1. to also specifically include the competitive advantages of the school and particularly the elements that the program provides.
Otherwise, you could simply send this piece of writing to any potential admission team and thus it seems not indicating a high degree of aspiration you are having to this school.

2. to separate your work experience into paragraphs in a chronological sequence
and highlight the achievement (preferably with numerics, figures) if possible.

3. to include not only WHY YOU NEED THIS MBA, but also WHY THE SCHOOL NEED YOU

:) The above are only my humble recommendations
montegrappa   
Feb 26, 2014
Scholarship / is that motivational letter good for PHD scholarship ? [2]

Hi,

I think your background should be quiet attractive to the admission team. However, as the scholarship is always limited, I would like to recommend you to;

1. Highlights what you could contribute to the business school after/ during the PHD study? (
2. Think about: What is/are your competitive advantage(s)? Why should your school grant you the scholarship instead of the others?
3. Consult your supervisor: understand his/her research interests, and to also relate this interest to your personal developments (ideally state the commitment that you could have to the dept)

The above are just what first came to my mind :)
Cheer up!
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