Writing Feedback / IELTS: Why study at formal educations is so important? for diploma and better future. [5]

Hi friends, Could you read my essay and give me some feedback, please !
Thank you before,

Question : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most of people think that to get a good job no need to study at formal educations, but they said that "we can study from the nearest environment and continue to always improve our skills that were already we got before today". Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Answer :

Firstly, This issue makes most of students have negative thinking to do not want to study at formal educations. Now can you see it in our around so many children in under age have done worked as singing beggar, shoes polisher, porter, etc. However, they have been able to work to get money for themselves and their parents, but it is not good for their future. For example, although now are they so happy and proud with themselves, but in future will they feel that everyone does not care with them who do not study at formal educations and get more knowledge, and they also will be seen by everyone just with eye not eyes. If behavior which is like it just let, how a country can be advanced country. Furthermore, do not do anything that can give negative effects for learner as generation of our nation.

Secondly, can you imagine if you have children, and they do not want to take study at formal educations. What will you do? If I were you I will force my children to study at formal educations minimal Senior High School that they are not very difficult to get a job and do not seen with eye but eyes. For example, everyone always needs job to keep their life, but how can they get job if they do not have diploma because now all of companies always ask a diploma if there someone wants to receive by company that is they want. So, it makes clear that study is very useful to search a job.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Why students should have laptop in their learning process? Wikipedia, Google, Bing [5]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Laptop is a thing that is the most necessary for students to help their learning process. Use specific reasons and example to support your answer.

Most of students think that laptop is the first thing that should they have to help their learning process at formal educations or non-formal educations. They should have a laptop even they live in cloistered villages if they take on learning process, but not all of do them have enough financial to buy it. So, how they can be finishing their duty if to finish it needs laptop? Well, if they do not have laptop to be finishing their duty needs laptop they can go to warnet or they can borrow it with their friends.

First of all, laptop can make easy students to get information, theory, knowledge, sharing, etc. It is one of functions as reason why students should have laptop. For instance, if we need to know about anything like what is the simple way to improve and easy to understand what we learn, and no one knows about it. If you have laptop, and yours connect with internet you just need to type what you want to know in search engine of Google, Yahoo, Bing, Wikipedia, Encyclopedia, etc.

Second of all, students can read e-book in laptop. Not only general e-books that are provided by provider, but there are also kinds of e-books of school or campus subject that we can get. Furthermore, students no need to bring many books if they go to school or campus, but they just bring their laptop.

All in all, laptop very will help everyone especially for students to help them in learning process and to load less that they bring when they go to school or campus.