Writing Feedback / GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (the need for global universities.) [4]

Hi,
I have written an essay about "the need for global universities", can you please provide your comments about content and errors in my writing style ..

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The world is becoming flat more rapidly then ever before ,So we need to have educational institutes which will cater to the needs of globalized world. Global universities can play a very important role in creating a better world for all.

A global university of a good reputation will bring together top class minds around the world. these people will learn from curriculum of universities and competition within individuals .this healthy competition will benefit in the progress of knowledge in their respective fields, this may lead to increased research and new discoveries in that stream.

These Global universities can be hubs for knowledge sharing, students from a developing country can learn from these global universities ,knowledge which is not available in their home countries . When these student will return back to their countries they will be creating a lot of values and spreading the knowledge in their country. for example a student from Africa or sub Saharan country can learn advance medical science from a global school and help his/her fellow citizens get rid of the medical problems .on the same line a student of political science will learn a lot about politics from these global university which will be focusing on words politics rather then sectarian and zonal politics.

These global universities will mix people of various culture from around the world and this will increase awareness in students about culture and traditions of different countries. since most of the big companies today are multinationals , these students will be well prepared to work in a globalized world.

moreover due to increased globalization and reduced distances among the world the problems of world are also becoming global .these universities can be modeled to concentrate on solving universal problems like increasing pollution, o depleting ozone layer , global warning. these university can provide a solution which will benefit all the human being and these will be above national prejudices and priorities.

By only sharing knowledge among all we can create a peaceful word, free from suffering and ignorance . These universities will be paragons of education and model of excellent academic education.these will also function as a global knowledge center .In my conclusion there are numerous benefits of global universities and the world should have more of them .

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Writing Feedback / GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (preservation on endangered species) [7]

Hi ,
The TOPIC is :

"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."

Please provide your valuable comments on the following essay.

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The speaker asserts over the period of time many species have become extinct and We should not make extraordinary efforts and spend any major resources for saving these species. In my point of view author is right but there are certain points which needs to be considered before making any conclusion about where and how much human efforts are required for preservation of endangered species.

Our society is already facing many problems today which needs immediate
attention . for example problem of hunger, diseases which is very visible and taking many human lives today has more importance then thinking about other species.these problems should be given priorities in term of resource,

so that we can make world a better place of human species at least.
The problems related to human survival should take more precedence then any other species.

Although there are many species which are dying because of natural
process, human race is also responsible for some of these .Killing of many marine and wild life for their skin or other valuable products from their bodies can not be termed as a natural process. We need to take steps to stop poaching and killing which is products of human greed rather then nature.For example Lions are killed for skin , elephants killed for the precious teeth . These kind of atrocities on animals can be restricted by very minimal efforts and do not require large resources.We can curb these by creating more sanctuaries and making stringent laws against such actions.

Many species are required to maintain the balance of life-cycle.although there are other purposes that some animals and species serves in social and spiritual context.For example national animal of many countries are species , which are symbol of prestige. Many species have religions feelings attached to them by societies.For example cow is considered as holy is many communities in India. so for spiritual and social point of view we need certain steps in saving some of the species.

In conclusion , I agree that we need to set our priorities for utilization of resources and make them more available for human species , but we also tend to care for other species which are becoming target of our greed and not dying because of natural process. We can not afford extraordinary efforts but least we can do whatever is feasible and make other species survive too.

Graduate / SOP for MS Computer science [3]

Hi ,
I have written my SOP for admission at Graduate level course.
This is my first draft so expecting a lot of advice from seniors.
Please comment and provide your feed back ,My GRE score is good but SOP can be deciding factor for my admission .
Thanks in advance.

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----SOP----

I have been fascinated by creative ideas that arise out of deep involvement and single minded pursuit in a particular subject and the consequential discoveries and applications. This has motivated me to involve myself in research and teaching in the future. So, I think a masters degree in Computer Science from XYZ University will provide enough opportunities to add to my intellectual knowledge and will be first step towards my lifelong ambition of creating something innovative and novel.

My undergraduate studies from Motilal Nehru National Institute of Technology Allahbad gave me good foundation in computer science and engineering field. Undergraduate preparation here has given me a very substantial knowledge of the basic areas of Computer Science. I have always strived to develop a clear understanding of the basic concepts and acquire an insight into the Science of Computing. Any amount of learning in Computer Science would be incomplete without hands on experience of Programming. In this regard I have completed various projects, both as part of my courses and out my own interest also.

In third year was I was involved in a research Project for reduction of computation time of large calculations by dividing them into parts and distributing these parts to different client on the network. We used Java RMI platform for sending the jobs to different machines. We were successfully able to develop the project although the results were not as par our expectations.

My final year project was "Load balancing in distributed system" under the guidance our HOD Professor Krishna Kant. The aim was to create middle ware which works as a load balancer in heavily loaded system with the purpose to avoid performance degradation caused by high load imbalance. We used JAVA language and Aglets Mobile agents Platform for creating the middle ware between end-user and system resources for better utilization.We successfully implemented the project and my interest in distributed system and network were aroused from this project and I studied various research paper and books about these subjects.

After completing my graduation I joined SIEMENS India as a research and development engineer in the Network Management Systems team. I was Involved in the development of product called Siemens Network Management System (SNMS).During my stay at SIEMENS I acquired knowledge about various phases of development of a world class product as I was involved in all the phase of product from design specification to coding on module level. I learned insights of professional development on JAVA/J2EE platform.This product gave me a practical experience on computer networks too. I worked on SNMP and CMIP protocol which are used for management of network elements over the network.

When SNMS went to maintenance phase I decided to join ATRENTA as a R&D engineer in the kernel team, which is the core infrastructure team of Atrenta's Spyglass Product. We developed customized Linux kernel for product specific requirement, parser for Verilog/VHDL languages and engine for logic synthesis from these languages. I gained practical knowledge about Operating Systems internals, Data structure, object oriented programming, algorithmic optimization from R&D work at Atrenta.I also worked as mentor for junior's in my team and provided training on "Object Oriented Programming and Development in C++" to freshers joining ATRENTA.

My work over the years increased my appetite for research immensely and I have made my mind to pursue a research career, either as a faculty in a university or a researcher in industry and Graduate Study at your department would be the first step towards this goal.I am interested computer systems, distributed computing, Programming languages and compilers. My undergraduate courses and project as well as my three and half years of Professional experience have given me plenty of exposure to these areas and I feel that I have sufficient motivation and aptitude to work in these fields.

I have excelled in academics at every step in my education. Throughout twelve years of schooling I have always been ranked among the top of my class. I secured 67th rank in Pre Engineering Test among 70,000 students to get admission Motilal Nehru National Institute of Technology, which is among the best engineering institutes in India. My undergraduate record is consistent through all the semesters, though I was more interested in some of the course and their practical applications.

I hope to fulfill my ambition in XYZ University which I consider as one of the best schools for research . I have gone through the brochures of XYZ very carefully and I have realized that the excellent research facilities and high standards of faculty will provide a perfect environment for me to focus all my mental resources and do independent research. With my excellent academic performance and great enthusiasm for doing research, I am confident that I will be able to meet the standards of XYZ.

I would like to end by saying that that I am fully aware that a career in research and academics requires a high level of intelligence, unwavering dedication and a lot of sacrifice. I am confident that I would meet all the above demands, and hence I appeal to the Graduate Admissions Committee to consider me for admission, and financial aid.

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Regards,
Nehal