Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by yan500 [Suspended]
Name: Yankey Isaac
Joined: Nov 7, 2015
Last Post: Nov 19, 2015
Threads: 4
Posts: 10  
From: Ghana
School: ADMASS

Displayed posts: 14
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yan500   
Nov 16, 2015
Undergraduate / Challenges facing my country and how achieving a bachelors degre will empower me to tackle the issue [6]

Hi, I want a check on this essay to see if there is any awkward statement, point plus if it answers the prompt.

Prompt: Outline what you believe are particular challenges (e.g., in the economy, education, healthcare, or social and public policy) faced by your country or more locally, such as your city or village. Please explain how achieving a Bachelor's degree education will empower you to address challenges in your community? (300-word maximum)

Ghana, a country with 24 million population, second World's largest cocoa producing country and profoundly blessed with abundant other mineral resources, however majority of the citizens live in poverty due to high rate of corruption.

Corruption is a major issue in the world and the problem is critical in most developing countries, precisely, Ghana. It is no qualm that the country is facing rampant 24-hour power catastrophe additionally impeding Ghana's economic development and other sectors, since corrupt government officials and politicians intentionally apportion more coffers towards precise sectors to make room for graft.

Additionally, corruption is affecting the susceptible excessively, because of their subjection to change the current situation and failure to pay bribes, creating dissimilarities that violate their constitutional rights. This challenge also contributes largely to the high rate of unemployment in Ghana as resources that are to be used to create employment opportunities are misused by corrupt public officials for their self-interested use.

With a degree in Communication Studies, I will be empowered to expose bureaucrats' misdemeanors to light and make sure that they are impeached, thereby increasing the standards of public accountability and serving as a deterrent to future officials. I will also educate the public about the dangers of corruption to economic development through the internet, print and broadcasting media, plus encouraging them to appear and testify when they witness to corrupt practices by individuals and public officials.

I will hope to raise public awareness through the spreading of information on the need to set a policy that will chasten corrupt public officials and citizens, thus pressurizing the government and policy makers to take such action.

In brief, studying at ****** University and participation in the ****** Scholarship will gain me investigative journalism skills, give support and help me achieve my dreams.
yan500   
Nov 16, 2015
Undergraduate / Challenges facing my country and how achieving a bachelors degre will empower me to tackle the issue [6]

Thanks Vangiespen for the review. I appreciate your helping hand.
However, I have done some changes as you suggested and below is a copy. The lines in red have been removed from the essay and the one in blue has been added.

With a degree in Communication Studies, I will be empowered to expose bureaucrats' misdemeanors to light and make sure that they are impeached (the misdeeds of corrupt politicians in the hope of getting the clean and nationalistic politicians to take action against them , thereby increasing the standards of public accountability and serving as a deterrent to future officials. I will also educate the public about the dangers of corruption to economic development through the internet, print and broadcasting media , plus encouraging them to appear and testify when they witness to corrupt practices by individuals and public officials.
yan500   
Nov 19, 2015
Scholarship / "Being a Computer Prefect" - Leadership Roles essay [3]

Hi, please I want a review on my essay for any mistakes as well as grammatical errors.
Prompt: Describe a time when you overcame one or more significant obstacles/challenges so that you were able to improve the lives of others in your community. How did you react to the challenge(s) and what did you learn from the experience? (100-word maximum)

Being a Computer Prefect, I was always called to teach the freshman students Information Communication Technology since the teachers were inadequate to tutor the juniors. By this, I always have to skip classes whenever the juniors have a period for the subject.

This affected my studies negatively as I had limited time to study until I started self-study where I scarcely sleep for four hours. With hard work and persistence, I passed my exams, was prompted to the next class and have really made a great impact in the life of the students as they have excel in the subject.
yan500   
Nov 19, 2015
Scholarship / "Being a Computer Prefect" - Leadership Roles essay [3]

Vangiespa, I don't know what to say to you. Truly, you are awesome. Please keep on with the good work and may the Lord continue to bless you. Thanks very much for the suggestion. I really helps a lot.
yan500   
Nov 19, 2015
Graduate / Occupational Therapy - this is the profession I have been searching/seeking for. [6]

Mayosauce, your essay is in good shape but there is a change you need to make.

This sentence should be
After watching the occupational therapists work collaboratively with their patients, I have been able to witness first hand the small and large impacts.

With this change, I am sure your essay correctly answers the prompt
yan500   
Nov 19, 2015
Scholarship / Describe a figure or movement which has provided inspiration within your own life. [6]

Hi, I need a review on this essay plus I want to know if it correctly answers the prompt.
Prompt: Describe a figure or movement which has provided inspiration within your own life.(300-400 words maximum)

Divorce, a ruin of the family unit that a child badly need in life. Being a single parent is never an easy task. But one figure who served as my guiding light and source of inspiration is my mother. I was just thirteen years old when my father divorced my mother. Being a victim of such situation, my father abandoned me as a son due to anger.

Most members of the community saw it to be impossible for a divorced woman like my mother to cater for a child looking at her financial state but she proved them all wrong. She never abandon me neither did she lost hope but rather found the inner strength to search for menial jobs. she woke up at dawn around 4 am and walk alone to the next town to get pawpaw then head back to slice and sell them on the road in order to make ends meet for the family.. She will return home only after she had nothing left for her to sell. When she returns back, she takes a nap before cleaning up. In the evening around 6 pm, she then sets off again to the street and this time not to sell sliced pawpaw but rather sachet water. She wanted her child to continue in school, provide shelter for me and food to eat so she never kept anything for herself.

My mother's life and her uphill struggle made me understood that she was doing everything for me and the least I can do is to make her proud of me as her child by becoming a better person in future. Her self-sacrificial life has inspired me to be hardworking and persistent, and also taught me to keep on hoping when all seems lost. She is my mother and continues to be my source of inspiration.
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