Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ratoberry
Name: Aicha
Joined: Dec 28, 2015
Last Post: Dec 8, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America
School: Verona

Displayed posts: 11
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ratoberry   
Dec 28, 2015
Undergraduate / My relationship with UW Madison started when joined College for Kids in 5th grade; College Admission [5]

Some parts are really iffy and the wording is off, it's not my final essay but I just need advice to know if I'm going in the right direction

PROMPT:
Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantage of as a student. If applicable, provide details of any circumstance that could have had an impact on your academic performance and/or extracurricular involvement.

My relationship with UW Madison started when joining College for Kids in 5th grade. From then on I've attended numerous other UW sponsored programs, each one of them making me compelled to become a future Badger. One of these programs, WCATY, led me to experience life as a UW student. I got the opportunity to stay at one of the dorms for three weeks experiencing campus life and take classes at the UW with the best education the UW could offer. There I began to dream of hopefully being an attendee of the University. Along with this, my brother graduated from UW. My college dream finally solidified when he took me along on Badger games and to some of his classes, which drove my interest even further.

Along with my long relationship with the UW Madison, it is becoming a master at creating a niche for every student. In highschool, I've had own leadership positions involving these issues, and I'd like to continue my work through student organizations provided by the UW such as Nepali Student Association and South Asian Sisters. This set up does not confine students by forcing them to work with only those individuals who follow their own specific expertise. Instead, it is the smooth interaction between facilities that allows each department, from the arts to programming, to create a learning facility that reflects the real world. Coming from a place where there is tolerance between different race, religion and political views, UW Madison provides the setting I desire to be educated in. Having the intellectual passion to absorb every ounce of knowledge presented through the AP classes I have taken, I know that I can contribute to the UW as it continues to cultivate an intellectual climate that encourages scholarly curiosity and will be the perfect fit for me academically.

University of Wisconsin-Madison excels at convincing students to achieve great success as they transition into their new surroundings. With numerous programs ranked as one of the best in the nation, Wisconsin never fails to help bring motivation and success to many of its students and alumni.
ratoberry   
Dec 28, 2015
Undergraduate / Helping hand in translating - Common App essay. Does this all work together? [9]

It would be more helpful to edit if you gave the prompt of the essay.
In the first paragraph you talk about Kartar Singh being one of your inspirations and then cut to talking about your first arrival to the US. it just seems like an abrupt shift of topic. Maybe try to transition that bit more smoothly.

The second paragraph seemed to be all over the place and seemed to lack focus jumping from one thing to the next and didn't seem to contribute much to the essay until the third paragraph. But the again I don't know what the essay is supposed to be, so could you post your prompt so i can better edit it?
ratoberry   
Dec 28, 2015
Undergraduate / Helping hand in translating - Common App essay. Does this all work together? [9]

okay, so the prompt is really vague lol
maybe try to go in deeper of how it was hard to adjust to life in the US from India rather than just saying how astonished you were about your new surroundings because that doesn't really add your list of experiences you gone through that makes you what you are today. maybe you can relate it to how you knew what it was like to come to entirely new surroundings so that's why you helped that new girl that just came to the US. you can bring that full circle to kartar singh, because of him you got this opportunity in america and are helping others like he did.

you might not want to go with this perspective but idk just a thought.
ratoberry   
Dec 28, 2015
Undergraduate / USC Supplement- I am a little concerned that the website might not be appropriate [3]

it's concise are right to the point. since the prompt is specific and required to be short and informative, i think you've done your job well. i don't think i would have added anything more or less. one tip would be try not to start your sentence with 9gag blah blah.

you do this quite a few times and gets too repetitive, so just reword some of your sentences.
ratoberry   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Helping hand in translating - Common App essay. Does this all work together? [9]

just something i caught "... And they knew life a lot better than a 12 year old diva...." you should restart this sentence without using "and" as your starting point because that seems like an informal way of writing an essay.

yes you can definitely incorporate your struggle with losing family members and overcoming that through the help of your teachers. with that and your difficult move to the US, you wanted to help others as well, leading to helping the new girl.

the prompt says "What do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores" so maybe kind of point out why you wrote this and why it's important for the admissions office to know this tidbit about you. why does this enhance your overall application to being admitted to their university.

"I was seeking for an opportunity to thank my teachers"
this part seems like you only did the girl a favor just because you wanted to repay your teacher, which seems a little disingenuous and emotionally detached from the whole essay. make it because of your past similar experience with the new girl and the fact that your teachers helped you when in need, motivated you to do the kind favor.
ratoberry   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Common App (Background): "I finally woke up after hitting the snooze button..." [5]

oh damn, sorry to miss the obvious first line for some reason lol.
what's the word limit? because as a bilingual myself, i know that keeping up with my mother tongue is very important to how identify myself to others. because think of it, most of the time when one can't speak the language, you have a huge disconnect between you and the culture. Maybe you can talk more of if you didn't have this school in your life, you would lose that "japanese" side of you, hopefully you get what i mean??? you also say that this developed you as a person. maybe describe what important attributes you've acquired from this to make you the person today.

overall the imagery is really nice and vibrant to the imagination.
ratoberry   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Share a perspective you bring or experiences you've had, Duke Short Answer [8]

"treating them like we would treat orour own family. "

"...before there is a degree of kinship between us."
The degree of kinship doesn't make sense to me, maybe reword it.

"Because I have grown up calling all Nigerians auntie and uncleWith this upbringing, I have developed the mentality that every person I meet is part of my extended family. "

I cut that out because you already state the reason why you have a certain type of mentality already in the first sentence so you don't need to restate the whole thing one again.

i agree to what said vangiespen above. it would be more interesting if you showed an instance when you welcomed a stranger
ratoberry   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / If there was a ticket in your hand, where would you go?--Brandeis short answer :D [4]

i'm confused by your story, from "With this ticket, I will travel to and examine....in order for them to travel and gain a broader view of issues at hand. " from your verb tenses i'm confused about whether you are thinking this during that moment or saying this after the moment is passed. could you tell me what you were trying to say and maybe the prompt as well so i can try to understand what you're trying to say.
ratoberry   
Dec 7, 2016
Research Papers / Negative connotation of feminism and reasonings of why women today do not identify with the movement [3]

my original title for this was just "The F Word" but that seemed too lame and am currently thinking about altering the title, any suggestions will be helpful

my main worry is whether the essay makes sense to the reader and whether or not each paragraph has a "so what?" statement in each paragraph to signify its importance of being in the essay.

this essay is supposed to be written as a personal interest essay


Growing up, misconceptions of feminism lead me to reject the idea quickly. Identifying myself as a feminist made me uncomfortable since it evoked the image of a troop of an angry man-hating, unattractive women. When signing up for classes for senior year, I wanted to pick classes of interest to me, but sadly those classes were filled up, leaving me with no choice to enroll in a Gender Studies class. Unexpectedly, I never met with a mass of enraged women spewing hate towards males; rather it was calm and filled with intelligent conversations.Media often broadcasts radical feminists as the poster child for the movement, an image I had coming into class. This view began to deconstruct when I learned there is no right way of being a feminist. One can be calm and rational or angry and upset, which is a logical way to feel about the patriarchal society. Unfortunately, due to the women's rights movement being skewed, misrepresentation of the media leads to feminism being misconstrued and unaccepted by young women. To combat the negative image, suggestions have been made to change the name of the movement, but this suggestion has come under fire for focusing on the word than the actual issue and has led to the discussion of reeducating the definition of feminism.

Interpretation of women's rights and the movement has always been skewed, with the movement increasing and decreasing in prominence. In America, feminism started in the late 19th century, with the intention to stand against gender inequality and advance the suffrage movement. Success came in 1920, the 19th amendment, granting women to vote. Though a great victory, no notable laws for women passed for the next 40 years leading women to conform solely to the role of a housewife. The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan introduced the second wave, leading to Congress passing the Equal Pay Act, the FDA approving birth control pills, and Roe v. Wade giving ladies right to govern their bodies. Numerous additional laws passed, yet parallel to the first wave, the second wave slowly faded introducing a new wave ("The Women's Rights Movement, 1848-1920 | US House of Representatives: History, Art & Archives).

The third wave, perhaps the most misrepresented portion of the feminist movement, started in the 1990's and continued today and often critiqued for lack of a united goal. With the whole world connected to the internet, everyone can have a say of what feminism means to them. In the perspective of the third wave, feminism is unique to every feminist; this statement derives its individualistic characteristics and ability to have the freedom of expressing what feminism means to them. Each person may need it for different reasons, and that's what makes it so accessible and beneficial. Unfortunately, those with the most radical opinions are usually the ones that gain the most attention leading to misrepresentation.

Women are hesitant to identify themselves as feminists due to the negative implications the media imposes on the women's movement. The stigma around the word feminism derives from the central western thought of oppositional dualism. For example, groups of people who aren't part of the "good" automatically get put into the "bad" (nonwhite male, middle-class Christians) category, which feminists inevitably fall into since they're fighting against a patriarchal society (Beck). This concept bleeds into journalism, where journalists are taught to write stories of right versus wrong. On the topic of women's rights, this leads to the narrative of a false dualism of the belief that feminism is "bad" trying to destroy a peaceful society since "men and women are already equal in North American society and therefore feminists are just complaining needlessly" (Anderson).

Media has a long history of twisting stories to fit the narrative of a stereotype and focusing on the radical faction of feminism. For example, coverage is mostly ignored except for incidents like the Miss America Pageant protest in 1960's organized by the New York Radical Women, complaining how pageants oppress women to certain beauty standards. Although being one of the few events capturing the media's attention, the media focused on the few women symbolically burning their bras leading to becoming a catchphrase for the movement. It demonized the activists as "... deviant sexually, a bunch of man-haters out to destroy 'family values'" (Beck). With this view women associated with conducting this act are law-breaking radicals, helping efforts of opponents to feminism and their longing to negate the movement. The event ignored the purpose of the movement in trying to bring light to the issues of jobs, pay, and childcare, topics which are less enticing for the media to report.

With the role, the media has taken to represent feminism, young women don't label themselves feminist because they don't identify with the skewed image of feminists. Feminism finds itself in a complex state since everyone has a different way of interpreting the movement. With the rise of the internet, everyone can declare what feminism is and isn't. It's important to note that the central aspect of third wave feminism is that it is unique to every feminist. Each person may need it for different reasons, and that's what makes it so accessible and beneficial. The problem seems to be that those with the most radical opinions are usually the ones that gain the most attention. Radical groups of women spark more controversy and therefore more discussion and are more widely heard, leading to a complete misunderstanding of feminism. With the misrepresentation provided, women aren't appealed to the idea. Many don't want to become a feminist because they do not want to be part of a group that includes those who are radical feminists "because being labeled a feminist would misrepresent who I really am"("I Reject the Feminist Label"). This misrepresentation has led to talks about renaming the movement.

Many people deny being a feminist just because of the negative publicity it receives; a suggested solution is to change the name to make the movement appealing for women to identify. A recent poll conducted states that 20 percent of Americans consider themselves feminists, though 82 percent expressed they believed in equality for men and women when asked (Swanson). The reason is encapsulated in this response from on blog online written by the author who doesn't identify herself as a feminist "even though [she] agree with some things the feminist movement stands for because ... applying the label to [herself] would give people the wrong impression of what [she] support." ("I Reject the Feminist Label").

The perceived thought of the movement has lead people to pigeonholed feminism as a radical idea. The disconnect between the thought of feminism and gender equality displays the failed advertising of feminists and accomplishment of the attacks and distortion of misogynists. With the tainted image of feminist, this leads to the discussion of changing the name of the movement to be called humanism or equalists. This idea is even advocated by Susan Sarandon who says that "the term feminist is a label that is too stigmatized to be taken seriously so it shouldn't be used anymore", showing that the definition of feminism is so deeply disconnected that even prominent celebs have taken notice, whose ideas influence the current generation of women ("Changing the Way Feminism Is Defined"). Since the younger population aren't keen on adopting the word, it seems it's futile to repackage the word and instead seems imperative to rename the movement.

Although repackaging the movement comes with good intentions, it would focus the movement on the word of the movement instead of the issues. Those who demand to be called equalists than feminists are ignoring the fact that women aren't equal. Equalists don't fight for something that isn't there yet, but rather fight to keep the existing conditions of equality they believe is already established. Though believing everyone should have the same rights doesn't mean they do because "Even though men and women are considered to be politically equal, there is a long way to go until both genders are socially and economically equal" ("Editorial:

Feminism-when Did the Meaning of This Word Change?"). Feminism tackles the reality of the world, where one gender is being discriminated against more so than the other. The world we live in has an environment of discrimination towards women, bringing the need to solely focus on females having suffered from oppression in our society (Bustle). The focus should be on teaching people more about the core meaning of feminism and stop being afraid of being one ("Changing the Way Feminism Is Defined").

Our current generation of women need to be reeducated on what is a feminist. Current view of feminism is that feminists are emotionally unresponsive, rejecting, cold, domineering powerful mother figure many see feminist as a man hating feminist, aggressive. These stereotypes don't represent most women today leading to a disconnect. For feminism to continue, it needs to be more personal and connected to the audience rather being disjointed. The main point that needs to represented of the current state of third wave feminism, is that one can interpret what feminism means to them. There is no right or wrong way of "doing" feminism. This concept of reeducating women on feminism can be implemented effectively with workshops, like one called "Another Word for Gender". The workshops are pegged as "an intro to feminist organizing and action," and yet they in no way support the negative connotation associated with the word. Instead, these workshops support the official definition of feminism by promoting equality for all genders.
ratoberry   
Dec 8, 2016
Undergraduate / Intra-university transfer statement detailing why you want to join School of Information Studies [5]

In terms of the content of the paper, i think it's good. You've stated why you would be the best candidate for admissions based on the stories of you childhood and passion for computers. The conclusion is nice because you've nicely summarized your above paragraphs and reiterated loosely what characteristics you have would excel your chances in admissions.

Below I corrected some grammar and a few unnecessary words. To further cut down your paper with concern on being it one page, you should cut out phrases that reiterate what you've already said/ avoid wordiness.

Please help with mine => Negative connotation of feminism and reasonings of why women today do not identify with the movement
It's under the Research Paper thread

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... progress throughout my own ventures, in the broader ...

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