Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: using disciplinary in school to solve problems. Teachers or parents responsibility ? [2]

In these recent years, the levels of students getting bullied increased unbelievable dramatically in compared to the previous generation. More and more modern school decide to use disciplinary to solve the problem with student's attitude. There is an ethical argument in blaming children bad behavior is teachers' responsibility or their parents' role.

Using punishments on students has always been a strict question for both education system and parents. Teachers only want the best for their students, in both knowledge and attitude. The repeated in bad behave actions is what make they get punished. However, some teachers overdo the discipline and make the students injured physically and mentally, which lead them to depression and anxiety. According to the survey on students, after being disciplined only 40% will change in a benefit way, the others will behave worse and worse, which is one of the reasons of increasing in bullying.

The teachers and parents both play an important role to help the students. Normally, students spend approximately 8 hours studying at school, because of that, teachers are the closest person to them. It cannot be denied that students can easily be affected by their tutors and teachers. If they are able to learn in a nice environment, the way they behave will different from who come from a school full of delinquents. Moreover, their parents are also an important factor for them. Instead of blaming each other for the bad behave of the students, they should help students realized what is wrong in their behavior and why they should change their attitude. This will help the pupils walk on the right path again. The relationship between students, teachers and parents have been used in a various film about education system nowadays. But the conclusion of the films is to help the students have a perfect environment for them to developed fulfill their ability.

In conclusion, I think that it is irresistible to use discipline in school, but they should use it effectively. Warning students not injuring them. Furthermore, both teachers responsibility and family's role have an important mission to help students not misleading their goal and help them figure out what is right, what is wrong.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Modern technology in work place. Disadvantages to relying too much on technology? [5]

Please help me with the essay and give me an average point. Thank you so much.
Topic
Modern technology is now very common in work places.
How do you think this change the way we work?
Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology
Essay
The revolution in industrial has led to the development of technology for the need of governments and people. More companies require a specific level in computer using from the employee. Our workplaces today is completely different from the 80s office. There are advantages and disadvantages of relying too much on technology.

It cannot be denied that modern technology has an important position in workplaces, more than 60% of your work based on computer program. For examples: Microsoft Word, Excel, Powerpoint presentation,etc. Previously in the 80s, our grandparents had to do the paperwork instantly, so that it was time-consuming and easy to make a mistake while processing their work. Fortunately, modern technology has reduced the possibility of causing errors by using the program designed specific purpose , yet people nowadays do have more chances to work effectively and safely.

On the other hand, relying too much on technology do cause us more harm that it looks. Businessman usually upload their information and work to their mail or "cloud", because it helped them keep in touch with the information every moment. However, this action is like playing with fire. The more people stick to their devices, the more easily they got hacked. Their information could be sold on black market, or worse. Moreover, addicted to technology can make children become anti-social, having problem with their eyes at a very young age. The widespread of social media , the result of developing technology too fast, is also a major factor affect adolescents in a negative way.

In conclusion, the current technology has helped us a lot in work daily life. It changes the way we work significantly compared to the past, but it will not bring any benefit if relied on them too much. People should balance their daily life and technology using time. In my opinion, it is not safe to post personal information to social media or "cloud", as the companies do assure that their cloud is safe but people should protect themselves.

Writing Feedback / IELTS2: advantages and disadvantages of distance learning; time and transportation / useless classes [3]

Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantage of this development this overweight the disadvantages?

Essay
The development of Internet and technology have provided many opportunities for student around the world to attend a class where it is not compulsory to attend in person. These program are most introduced by universities and educations globally, many courses are available due to the need of students. I strongly think that the benefit of this program can pass the disadvantages of it.

First of all, it cannot be denied that not every students have time and transportation to go to class, the online courses have solved this problem perfectly. This course give the ability for pupils to learn everywhere, anytime and economize the fees. The requirement of these are very simple, it prevent unnecessary stages for users. For example, I need a fast course in learning Biology but my school was not provide it or it was so far that I cannot attend class regularly, which will affect the result of my study, so I enquire for an online class by a well-known institution. The fees was reasonable and the quality was acceptable, on top of that, it was in charged by a famous profession in that school.Moreover, distance learning gives student opportunity to access the lesson in case they cannot attend to class. In addition, these online learning is more and more popular to students as well as their parents.

On the other hand, the normal class has also have many benefits too. Normal classes are class with real teacher, who will take of us until the end of the semester. There is an ethical argument about replacing teachers with robotic technology. However, this is the worst idea ever. Teacher are human, maybe they are not perfect at all individuals, but they have emotion, they care for their students, while the robot are cold-blooded, emotionless, all they do is following a program written from the beginning. This is no different from online classes, if teachers are not keep in touch with their students in person, they cannot help the students to improve their skills. Furthermore, quality of the course is also a hard question to answer, the increasing of students' need have led to to uncontrollably wide-spreading of unofficial institution. Online course is like gamble, if you are lucky, you can attend a well-qualified class with enthusiasm teacher, but if you are not, it will be a waste of time and money.

In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of the online distance learning is unavoidable. However, I strongly believe that the advantages of this program can overweight the disadvantages. From my point of view, the acknowledge of these program can help students and elders prevent the useless classes, and when a class is opened, it should be assure to achieve the qualification for the students.

ps: please help me correct this essay. recently, my band score is 5.5, I need a 6.5 bands score. So please check this essay, thank you all