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Posts by sus_007 [Suspended]
Name: Sushant
Joined: Aug 20, 2016
Last Post: Dec 15, 2016
Threads: 5
Posts: 20  
From: Nepal
School: Araniko

Displayed posts: 25
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sus_007   
Aug 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent Essay : "The impact of television has been more positive towards society" [6]

The inventions gifted by the glory of science and technology in the human civilization has only brought fruitful consequences to us. Moreover, the electronic means of communication, like the T.V.-acronym for television, has accelerated the pace of revolution promoting delightful lifestyle and instant communication. This revolution has led to the formation of dichotomy of the population into two distinct groups with dissimilar enthusiasm regarding television viewing experience. In my opinion, the television has only contributed in a positive manner towards human society for several authentic reasons.


First, human life would be gloomy without the modern electronic resources like television. If the houses of the people all over the globe were to be surveyed, then they all would have a single piece of equipment in common hanging on the walls or resting on the tables, delivering daily doses of joyous programs, that is undoubtedly, a television.

Second, television has become a prominent source of knowledge and information, which keeps people "au courant". From the nursery rhymes to the Beethoven's symphonies, television is a storehouse for all those entertaining commodities, however, it has also been efficient in teaching people significant skills for survival and providing knowledge for enlightenment via it's wide ranges of programs and shows under the authority of Cable television network, entitled for the distribution of multimedia items all around the globe. Furthermore, the broadcasting of the breaking news concerning several critical global affairs and happenings proves to be very resourceful for the working class population.

Third, the integration of the television with the Internet technology has resulted even more fascinating tech-medley. People can shop any purchasable goods by browsing across the web-portals, and they can achieve those ordered commodities within a blink of an eye on their front door.


In a nutshell, although enjoying specific sophisticated facilities of television demands the installation of particular model or brand of equipment, the television has become the third eye for the human beings, abridging each and every nook and corners of the world to the people's living room. Therefore, it can be concluded that modern inventions like television, responsible for enriching human's hierarchy in the pyramid of intelligent beings, has very minute harmful consequences in community, in fact, the glee and enlightenment it shares is insurmountable and overwhelmingly covers up few infinitely worthless setbacks.
sus_007   
Aug 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Obesity has been proven to trigger many illnesses in children [3]

Between 1995 and 2011 Better write in letters, Between early nineties of the twentieth century...
The increasing number of childhood obesity, The ascending population of obese children

Overall, the passage is all right, try using wider glossary, and i felt it quite non-cohesive, only write relevant statements.
sus_007   
Dec 8, 2016
Undergraduate / Describe a religious, cultural, or family tradition you can share with the Colgate community. [11]

With parents from distinct ethnic backgrounds in conservative Nepalese society, I've not only witnessed the disproportionate societal treatment but also disparate cultural rituals and traditions.

The annual celebration of 'Chhath', a Hindu fiesta lauding the Sun for bestowing the bounties of life on earth, always triggered a profound enthusiasm in my family with rigorous observation of holy bathing accompanied with day-long abstinence from any dietary. On that auspicious day, as I organize the transportation of commodities-which include mother's hand-made delicacies like 'Thekuwa', 'Kheer'- to the nearest river, my dad warms up for the sacred prostration march with my uncles. The entire family collaborates to establish the venue for the worships on the sloppy riverbank while the little ones, oblivious of their surroundings, enjoy lighting firecrackers. As the mighty Sun rises up from the horizon, devotees head mid-way towards the river, singing mantras about the goddess 'Chhathi'. We take a dip in the holy water to substantiate our devotion for the longevity and success of our beloveds. The ritual ends with the consumption of water and the distribution of the blessed offerings to the helpless.

Apart from being one of the eco-friendliest Hindu carnivals, Chhath is the celebration of 'Unity in Diversity' in our multi-cultural Nepalese society with an emphasis on mutual cooperation among racial heterogeneity. Thus, with possession of such maturity fueled with my ambitious competitiveness and passion for learning, I would thrive in Colgate's well-rounded platform to pursue my academic interests, not to mention the enrichment of students' diversity.



  • Colgate University's Logo
sus_007   
Dec 10, 2016
Undergraduate / Describe a religious, cultural, or family tradition you can share with the Colgate community. [11]

@Holt
Deusi Rey...

Every Nepalese family revels in the annual fiesta of lights, 'Tihar', not only via exhibition of dignity towards fellow humans, but also by honoring the beneficence of animals. The entire family coproduces ambrosial delicacies like 'Selroti' and 'Onrassah' before the inauguration of the first day- 'Kaag Tihar', when Crows are worshipped and offered desserts with the belief of aversion of grief in the family. Every nook and corner of the house ...
sus_007   
Dec 10, 2016
Undergraduate / Describe a religious, cultural, or family tradition you can share with the Colgate community. [11]

@Holt
There is not a simpler festival in my country Nepal than this. Are you expecting me to describe about just a one-day event from among the other events above ? Would that be acceptable if I only describe about the 3rd day of Tihar i.e.Laxmi Pooja when we perform purification and celebration by singing Deusi Songs and dances together with relatives ? I'm sure that could be performed at small scale ?
sus_007   
Dec 10, 2016
Undergraduate / In your opinion, what are the five characteristics of a successful person? Supplementary essay. [8]

I don't evaluate accomplishments of humongous wealth or a sound health as milestones of a successful life. For me a successful person is a genius in his/her forte.

A daredevil who steps out of the comfort zone to commit with utmost passion for the triumph.
During the aftermath of Mega-Earthquake of April 25, 2015, I endeavored to provide the slightest possible assistance to the quake-casualties while I could hide somewhere safe with my family.

An all-rounder who excels in every accessible platform.
Someone who is not afraid to get his/her hands dirty by surpassing the expectations of the society. All these years, I've pushed myself over the limits and performed devotedly on both of my scholarly and auxiliary assignments.

An altruistic cosmopolite concerned about every individual's welfare.
From community service to awareness campaigns, I'm responsible for the prosperous living of numerous Nepalese men and women.
An insatiably hungry spirit.
The curiosity towards enlightening oneself with the limitless worldly information never extinguish within me as I always think outside the box and approach every issue with farsightedness.

The buoyancy to rehabilitate the momentum of life and persist in pursuing one's ambition.
When the political turmoil knocked the socks off the educational institutions, I collaborated with some of my enthusiastic colleagues for securing peaceful continuity of schools.

I do not claim myself a successful individual by describing the interrelationship with the topic, but I do believe that with the platform Lehigh promises to offer, I'll surely leave behind an epic legacy.
sus_007   
Dec 10, 2016
Undergraduate / Describe a religious, cultural, or family tradition you can share with the Colgate community. [11]

@Holt How about now, sir ?
Deusi Rey...

Every Nepalese family revels in the annual fiesta of lights, 'Tihar', not only via exhibition of dignity towards fellow humans, but also by honoring the beneficence of animals. During this auspicious festival, we prepare ambrosial delicacies like 'Selroti' and 'Onrassah'- typical Nepali cuisines. Every nook and corner of the house is sanitized and jazzed up with colorful lanterns while the patios are garnished with'Rangoli'- a picturesque artwork signifying a sacred entrée. With the belief of aversion of grief in the family, ravens are worshipped and offered desserts.

The dog- which is not only a Hindu mythological creature but also has looked after our residence and family- is worshipped and treated with a feast. The Hindu goddess of prosperity, 'Laxmi' is idolized with exquisite garlands and offerings. At the cruelly beautiful dusk, I hit the strings with my friends and family primped up with traditional attires of 'Daura Suruwal', 'Dhaka Topi', and geared up with musical instruments to play 'Deusi-Bhailo'- a musical collaboration performed at the venues of relatives with an exchange of blessings, refreshments and tips. The symphony of 'Deusi' entices people of every age-group to rejoice the moment by singing and dancing along with the band regardless of their race, color or any sort of personal entities.

Sisters pay homage to the affectionate bond with their brothers by putting seven-colored 'Tilaka'- Vermilion paste-on their foreheads along with the sharing of presents, not to mention the brothers getting garlanded, worshipped and fed with special cuisines by sisters.
sus_007   
Dec 13, 2016
Undergraduate / What do you and XYZ university have in common?(250-350 words) [4]

XYZ University: sports, concerts, fraternity parties are the obvious impetuses to the school's chummy ambience.

Follow the Big Picture & Dare to take risks



Besides XYZ's extracurricular idiosyncrasies, an eye-catching citation on the website- 'Inclusion is the tie that binds XYZ'- urged me to ponder upon the entire principles very earnestly. Those doctrines resonated with the societal ethics of my nation-brimming with diversity- and furthered my proximity with XYZ's modest entourage. I visualized buddying up with the fellow Greeks and venturing into philanthropic errands, in common with my rituals at Red Cross Society which fostered my leadership and camaraderie, not to mention the broadening of my life's philosophy.

As Gary Player, a professional golfer, once said "The more I practice, the luckier I get.", I find XYZ's Mountain Hawks(athletes) as much dedicated to boost their athleticism to another level, via rigorous rehearsals and drills, as I. The single-mindedness of the hawks to elevate team-spirit, sportsmanship, and commitment accompanied with athletes' self-gratification and extension of sporting capabilities is what I've been employing throughout my athletic career as the Central Defender of my district's as well as my school's men's soccer team.

XYZ embraces an unorthodox ideology when it comes to making our society a better place. The legacy left behind by the idealists reinforces my ambition. I want to keep that legacy alive, not only for the forthcoming 'engineers' or for the réclame of XYZ's grandiosity in Science & Engineering, but also for the commemoration of fairy godparents-Sir Packer and the Presidents, because I believe in what they believed in: Follow the Big Picture & Dare to take risks. The inauguration of Nepal's industrial acclivity happened at my hometown,Biratnagar, which consociates my existence with the commercial takeoff of my nation. Likewise, XYZ too shares a substantial consanguinity with the genesis of mercantile America. These asynchronous, but noteworthy parallels between I & XYZ animates theHawk, deep inside me, with a vivid projection of the breakthroughs I can create with the backing of XYZ's top-notch engineering facilities. Ergo, XYZ University's reputation for academic excellence, appealing location, global prestige, familial community environment entices me to seek acceptance to the university.
sus_007   
Dec 13, 2016
Letters / Counselor's Letter of Recommendation for MIT [8]

You forgot to include appreciable personal interactions between you and the student with interesting anecdotes about his experiences. Also, your use of diction is quite weak.
sus_007   
Dec 13, 2016
Undergraduate / What do you and XYZ university have in common?(250-350 words) [4]

@ichanpants89 @Holt
Give me some suggestions, what could an International Student have in common with an american college that would fill the requirement of 350 words, w/o an aesthetic approach to the prompt ?

Thanks.
sus_007   
Dec 14, 2016
Undergraduate / "I could have been the member of the same lot..." Personal Essay [6]

@abdon786
Amrish, I'm assuming that this is your essay for one of those prompts from common app? Well, your essay appears to have exceeded the word-limit for Common App essays(i.e.650 words). I suggest you to discard those redundant descriptions of rural ignorance -"Oldman//Malik//Gutkha"and make it more comprehensive.
sus_007   
Dec 14, 2016
Undergraduate / Computers are ever-changing. I want to develop software that can make people's life easier. [7]

first computer was introduced to the world by Charles Babbage.

Himanshu, I doubt the relevance of above statement in your essay regarding your passion for Computers, since first computer wasn't introduced by Charles Babbage . In fact, he just invented a computing mechanism behind then and now COMPUTERS . So, I'd rather omit such controversial ownership of inventions, patents, etc. on application essays.
sus_007   
Dec 15, 2016
Undergraduate / As an international student at ABC, how would you enrich the campus community? (250 words) [2]

ABC University: Besides its appealing location, top-notch research facilities, familial community & praiseworthy extracurricular idiosyncrasies, I was awed by the availability of myriad opportunities - both academic and supplementary- in/out of the classroom for me. The celebration of Nepalese fiestas all in one beautiful day, stretching into the wee hours of the night, could not only substantiate my altruistic ambassadorship to ABC on behalf of my country, but also acquaint others with the sacred Nepalese Hindu way of life. By engaging in eclectic mix of student consortium- particularly South Asian Students Association and ABC Photography Club- I would nourish their heterogeneity via portrayal of my own ethnic cultures & skills as well as advertise multi-national art and traditions for maintenance of 'Unity among Diversity'. An exotic symphony of Nepalese musicals would reverberate along with other stereotypical melodies in ABC Spirit Band during several auspicious ceremonies with my assistance.

Apart from being a patron for diversification of ABC community, I could also serve as a valuable asset for the ABC athletics in multiple sports as I have stood out as a dexterous athlete throughout my sporting journey; what's more, with utmost dedication and labor, I will endeavor to elevate team-spirit, sportsmanship, and commitment amidst my teammates accompanied with their self-gratification and extension of athletic capabilities. Moreover, all of my humanitarian and catholic intentions, that I've been exercising throughout my student life, will continue flawlessly in several activist and political coalitions inside ABC with aggrandization of cross-cultural debates dealing with contemporary global issues.
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