Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by hanasufiarahma
Name: Hana Sufiarahma
Joined: Dec 28, 2016
Last Post: Dec 30, 2016
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  

From: Indonesia
School: Jenderal Achmad Yani University

Displayed posts: 7
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
hanasufiarahma   
Dec 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Comparison of the society growth and urban areas [2]

The line graph illustrates society growth from 1800 to 2100, and the bar charts measure the population of urban in developed and developing areas. Overall, the highest world society on global and developing regions in 2040. However, the developed regions more or less stable.

In 1800, the number of society stood at 1000 millions of people and increased gradually until 1960. Moreover, it had inclined dramatically to 8000 millions of people in 2040. Then, the graph experienced decreased in the following six decades from approximately 8000 to 6500.

On the other hand, figure of the developing regions populations started at more or less 2300 millions of people and steadily inclined until 2040 with an increase less than 500 millions of people per years.

Despite, Developing areas and Global population have the same peak in 2040, their are different of the number of started point and at the end of the period. Furthermore, the developed countries had the same number at approximetely 1200 between 2015 and 2040.




hanasufiarahma   
Dec 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / People who live in the world and the areas [3]

@ayrahumairah
Hallo Ms. Ayra
Good Evenings......
I will try to correct your writing. I am not really good in a writing actually, so I hope we can discuss.

In the introdoction you write :
The graphs show the data about the people who live in the world and also the people who live in the areas.,
In this introduction, I think you not clearly describe information about graph, whereas it is important before you continue to overview. Maybe, you can change to : The graphs show the data about the people who live in theglobal world and also the people who live in the areas.

In the body your write :
Nevertheless, the citizen who live ...

I think, you dont need to use the enter button. You can delete the enter.

In the body at the second line you write:
In 1800, the number of the world population ...

Please You write adverb after verb and You must be careful about spelling. Spelling is important, because if You not write one alphabets maybe You can lose the meaning.

You can change :
In 1800, the number of the global world population stood at 1000 millionspeople, and grown gradually arround 3000 millions of the people in 1960,

Above, I changes some world to be effectively and clearly sentences, such as :
the number of the world population were 1000 million people became, the number of the global world population stood at 1000
gradually grown approximately 3000 million of the people in 1960 became grown gradually arround 3000 millions of the people in 1960,
hanasufiarahma   
Dec 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Mothers in Australia over forty years old. Essay Writing task 1 [5]

The table report the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia from 1981 to 2006. All in all, it can clearly be seen that the women did not had baby and the women had one child also the women had two children were an increase in all of period. However, the women who delivere baby at three and four or more children had decrease in all of period.

In 1981, the women who had two children saw the highest proportion at just above 25% every year, whereas female who had one child and the women who did not have a child showed a gradual increase at less than 16% in all years. Furthemore, it was clearly seen that in the end of period, in 2006, female who borned 2 children reached a peak at 38,3%, while both of women who had one child and women who did not had a child witnessed a good performance in the end of period at 13,2% and 15,9% respectively.

In 1981, the women who ever born three, four and more children had a decreased trend. In starting point, The women had a three and four or more children had a relatively same proportion for above 27%. Nevertheless, the women had a three childrean in every periode from 1981 to 2006 gradualy increase from 27,4% 27,0%, 24,6%, to 21,5%, while the women had a more three children significantly decrease from 27,6%, 18,9%, 13,1% to 11,o%.




hanasufiarahma   
Dec 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1, Table of Proportion of children in Australia [3]

Hallo Mahayyun Mappare, Good Evening. I will try to give you some suggest.
Here there are :

Overall, it can be seen that ...

it is better that :
Overall, it can clearly seen that the woman who delivere children at one child and two children, also the women who did not had a child experienced an increasing trend, while the other categories showed opposite trend.

The two children category was dominated in 1981 and it was followed by the one and the none child chategories.the women who did not had child and the women had a child became the second and the third highest proportion respectively.

Hope you much success.
Regard.
hanasufiarahma   
Dec 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / The figure of children born to 40-44 years old women in Australia for four different years [3]

Hi Dedy, Good Evening. I will try to give some suggestions. Here there are :

....was which has...-->it should be:who had

... its increasing from (...) to 13.2% in 2006 respectively.-->If you want to using "respectively", your sentence should be:From 1981 to 2006, none and two children categories also followed this trend at 8,5%, 15,19%, 7,6%, 13,2% respectively.

Women who has three children was 27.4% ...-->it is better if you write : Women who had three children started at 27.4% in 1981. However in the next 15 years, it was decrease at 21,5%.

Hope it can help you. Break a leg!!
hanasufiarahma   
Dec 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 The Pie Charts represent the precentages of changes in the annual dependents [3]

The Pie charts represents the precentages of changes in the annual dependent such as Higher Education, Transportation, Environmental Services, K-12, Health and Human Resources and Others by local government in several lands between 1980, 1990, and 2000. All in all, higher education was the highest precentage from start point until the last period. However, others in the following years significantly decline.

In 1980 until 1990, higher education was the highest precentage from 35% to 45% and at 2000 decreased became 40%. Transportation in 1980 was 16% and decreased became 6% in 1990, but in the end period was increase became 22%.

Every periods, environmental services always increased respectively from 4%, 5%, to 9%. K-12 Education had a decrease trends in every years, from 25%, 20%, to 18%. Health and Human Resource had a some trends with higher education that increased in the middle years from 14% to 20% and decreased at the end period became 10%. In 1980, others was 6% and the following years decreased from 4% to 1%.