Writing Feedback / Obesity and fitness: cause and solution - Ielts task 2 [3]

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

How to change our unhealthy lifestyle?

Currently, obesity is the most challenging problem among authorities and obese people. In some area, the rate of overweight is increasing while the health rate is decreasing. I firmly believe that obesity is a problem with a lot of solution frankly and these people could be cured without anxiety. In this essay, some other possible solution will be elaborated.

Knowing about the mainspring of creating the problem, is the first step to solve. Immobility is the main reason that is known. In some megacities, for example, in New York, because of competition, people should work a lot and most of these people have sitting work; so computer life and stress make people tired when they return home they do not have enough energy and time to exercise instinctively. So the more time pass, they become fatter and fatter. Moreover living in these cities has impacted on the eating diet; as far as, time limitation has forced the city dwellers to eat fast food which has dire consequences on their health. This sedentary lifestyle is another cause of obesity. In some families, children are getting involved with this lifestyle then become fat and unhealthy because their parents may not spend enough time for cooking healthy food; so inevitably, eating junk food has influenced children's life. Eventually, these reasons make people unhealthy and overweight.

There is a panacea for this issue; doing exercise which is the most effective solution. In some crowded city which people for longer hours, they have no time in doing exercise. Hence, there are some inventions solve their problem; like the bicycle desks which can be rolled beneath the workstation. So it helps workers doing works, losing weight and improving their health, and above all extending lifespan. Moreover, improving the eating habit has profoundly impacted on people life. Eating less full calories food, doing more physical exercise, and above all seize all opportunities to preserve the healthy by myriad and individual ways, are other more common and safe solutions to control obesity in adults and children.

In conclusion, today's lifestyle in big cities with stress have been harmed people, but doing exercise can solve the problem subsequently and relatively.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 : technology provides opportunities as much as damages [4]

Cambridge 8 test2
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Please check out my essay and give me some advice. I am really thankful for all of you who help me improve my IELTS writing skills.

Thank you so much.

I am wondering
1. whether using tense is correct?
because I use past tense for 2000 charts.
3. if the essay structure should be revised?

I use negative and positive impact paraphrase would you please help me? if I use a word repetitively please tell me the paraphrase
thank you. in some sentences, i didn't know which sentence is better than another one so I wrote another sentence in the parentheses please tell me which one is better.

technology and human relationship

Technology has profoundly impacted on our life. For years, the relationship between people has been the target of technology and it has changed the ways of communication among them. The debate about technology is both timely and crucial.

The structure of relationship has changed profoundly because of sophisticated technology. (Technology changing has had significant impact on relationship/ Technology has changed a lot of our lives and has revolutionized communications). In the past people communicated with each other face to face or with predominant facilities. Although these days people can see each other lower than the past, they communicate by myriad tools. The territory of relationship, day in day out, increase dramatically in that the communication has become massive. For instance, we can communicate with some strangers especially, with successful people and take benefit from their experience. The impacts of technology are countless.

The debate about positive or negative impacts of tech on the humans' relationships will be never finished. The most significant of its impact is that people can communicate with each other very easily than the past (than they used to be); so, the friendship between people become more and more. The information spreads as better than the past. That this part, in turn, has positive and negative impacts. For example, seldom does a day go by without hearing and watching the private information of people which is spread in virtual pages on the web that in some cases makes people untrustworthy to the web; thus some social injuries may take place because of technology the cyber crimes are the negative consequences of technological communication.

On the other hand, technology provides opportunities for families to keep in touch with their members who geographically separated. But, the rate of depression has grown because of the less verbal meeting then someone may become depressed for this reason.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that technology provides opportunities as much as damages. It improves our relationship ways while ruining something in our communication.

Writing Feedback / The pie charts compare the percentage of a certain school's expenditure annually in UK [2]

please send me feedback and give me score

changes in annual spending in a uk school

The pie charts compare the percentage of a certain school's expenditure annually in UK in different three years with the 10 years interval starting from 1981. As is observed from the pie charts , the greatest disbursement were spend for teachers salaries, by contrast schools spent lowest amount for insurance totally.

According to the charts, 40% of the school's budgets were spent went on for teacher's salaries, this figure rose steadily in 1991 exactly the half of budget( the total expense) accounted for this staff. While in next 10 years , this percentage, decreased to 45%.after a 10 year it dropped by 5%.the proportion of expenditure other workers salaries decrease dramatically steadily over a 20 year period from 28% in 1981 to 15 % in 2001.the expenditure of Expenditure on resources book , furniture and equipment fluctuated during the period in 1981 spending money on these parts were similar, although in in 1991 resources books' cost were more than furniture equipmet,while this figure decrased significantly in 2001. By contrast this figure for furniture increased frome 15% to 23 % in 2001 with a 10 % decrease in1991.