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Posts by juntrinh
Name: Trinh Thi Thu Hien
Joined: Jul 22, 2017
Last Post: Jul 26, 2017
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
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Displayed posts: 7
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juntrinh   
Jul 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Same products around the world [3]

Topic: Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

uniformity of goods in the world



It is no doubt true that countries are becoming similar to each other due to the global spread of the same products, which are now available for purchase almost anywhere. In my view, I consider it to be a positive development.

Similar products the world over have some drawbacks for various reasons. Many items are considered as special things in a country, and the globalization of products can lead to the loss of uniqueness in each nation. To give one example, tokbokki is a well-known traditional Korean dish. However, today, rice cake, which is a main raw material in this meal is ubiquitous in Korean marts from every corner of the world. One possible consequence of this trend would be that tourists become disillusioned with travelling to Korea just the same as the place where they are living.

Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that the spread of multinational products can be seen as progress. To begin with, consumers would feel more comfortable and convenient as they can easily purchase something in foreign countries. Furthermore, this development contributes significantly to a thriving economy in the countries. People turn to buying the new brand from overseas nations, perhaps thinking it more glamorous than the one they are used to. As a result, local companies are likely to maximize their profits as they import foreign products.

On the whole, while there are largely detrimental effects resulting from the uniformity of objects in the world, it seems to me that these developments are desirable, and all people are entitled to have access to the same products.

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Thank you very much for your help!
juntrinh   
Jul 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Effect of International Fast Food [4]

@AnnieLZY

Moreover and To sum up are not good. Perhaps you should change them. Moreover is quite informal, it'd better to use "Furthermore, In addition or Addtionally". To sum up = In conclusion
juntrinh   
Jul 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / I wrote this essay about travelling, I have never done before [7]

@elizabethbehappy
You need to improve your English grammar.
..hectic life and also it is interesting to learn about other cultures, therefore traveling has --> it is also....
The length of two paragraphs is not similar. I advice you to try to write 5 sentences per 1 paragraph
juntrinh   
Jul 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Tourism and extent opinion [5]

@nguyen_nguyen: In fact, 7.0 IELTS writing is difficult now as you can do a difficult task. British Council marks strictly the IELTS writing, and you know you only have 60 minutes. If a task 1 essay is hard, you are definitely unable to get a high overall score. 6.5 may be an easier target!

Your writing style is quite illogical. Quite frankly, I also prefer a free style (may be like you), but unfortunately examiners will be hard to follow it. You know they read your essay very fast, so no...I advice you to choose a traditional style. Sometime a simple thing is the best
juntrinh   
Jul 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Change is good for people's life or not? [3]

Topic: Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

changes not necessarily helps



People have different views about the question of whether they should change or not. While many people persist in doing one thing in their whole life, personally I argue that change is an unavoidable thing in our life.

On the one hand, many people tend to repeat the same things as they believe they have achieved some security. However, change is not always a personal option. Even when people believe they are resisting change themselves, they cannot stop the world around them from changing. For instance, technology and scientific breakthroughs are changing the world on a daily basis. Another example would be that some people do not want to change their jobs because they are familiar with their current work and their colleagues. If they work in another workplace, they need to adapt a new environment, and they cannot concentrate on their work. Sooner or later, however, they would find that the familiar jobs no longer exist, or that the safety behaviours are no longer appropriate.

On the other hand, I believe that change brings positive consequences for people. To give one example, repeating one job may be too tedious, and change can help people to have motivation for working. However, change is not always for the better. A lot of innovations, for example, are made with the aim of making money. In that case new things should not be promoted. As a result, people need to keep pace with changes.

On the whole, I believe that people should not remain to do the same things, although all change does not necessarily have good outcomes.
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Thank you for your help!
juntrinh   
Jul 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / WT1: The graph below shows the four leading types of farming produce in Mitchford city 1970-2000 [5]

Hi jadeatoz,

I have some recommendations to you

"cotton was by far the most important produce". It's better if you change "produce" to "product"
Regarding relative clauses, you should use "that" instead of "which". You aren't wrong, but it sounds more native.
...production of sugar, wheat and cotton were equal and tended to decrease since then --> wheat and cotton were equal, and they tended to... You should separate them into two clauses because they are not parallel.
juntrinh   
Jul 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Economic developments result in losing traditional values [4]

Topic: Many countries are trying to improve the standard of living through economic development. However, some people think that traditional values are lost as a result of this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

traditional ways of life have been lost



Economic growth is likely to contribute to a thriving business in a country. While some people argue that economic developments lead to the loss of traditional cultures, personally I completely disagree with this point of view.

It might be reasonable that authorities are trying their best to foster their country's economy in order that their basic needs have been improved. To begin with, they allow foreign companies to build industries in their country to provide more employment opportunities for native people. Furthermore, overseas companies are also able to cooperate with local businessman. As a result, many products in their country can be exported to foreign nations, helping their country's status on a global stage in terms of trading power. Lastly, their citizens can receive excellent pay packages from corporations due to the increase of companies' profits, which can help them improve their living standard.

However, I believe that traditional values seem to be unaffected by boosting the country's economy. On the contrary, this is likely to maintain and develop traditional factors. To give just one example, today Vietnam has many traditional handicraft villages to meet their own needs but several households that create handicraft works have changed their jobs due to low revenues. Fortunately, their skillful products have been known by foreign enterprises and therefore have sold in many different countries around the world. Local people have turned back their careers and have continued to create sophisticated handicrafts.

On the whole, it seems to me that traditional ways of life have been lost as a result of economic developments. By contrast, it can be considered as an important factor to preserve the traditions and customs of their own cultures.

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This is the first time I have posted my essay on this website. I have taken part in IELTS tests many times but I haven't reached 6.5 score. I was totally upset and I hope everyone can help me correct my essay to improve my writing skills. Really thank you so much