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Posts by naseernasrati
Name: nasser nasrati
Joined: Oct 18, 2017
Last Post: Nov 2, 2018
Threads: 14
Posts: 33  
Likes: 10
From: Afghanistan

Displayed posts: 47 / page 2 of 2
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naseernasrati   
Dec 28, 2017
Letters / Recommendation letter for Chevening program (engineering and urban) [3]

need your feedback

leadership abilities and vision for chevening



Islamic Republic of Afghanistan
Ministry of ...
( ) Directorate

Letter of Recommendation
To the British Embassy

It is my great pleasure to recommend Mr.(full name) in support of his application for pursuing master's degree in urban related fields through the Chevening program. I have known Mr. (name) for two years since he started working as a civil engineer in (name of province) community. I had regular contacts with him before he started working in (organization ) under my management in Sep, 2017 till now.

(name ) is among the punctual and outstanding employees in the office. I was impressed by his precision level and hard-work in at least one of assigned responsibilities, where I requested Mr. (name) to do the topographic survey of (name) city with a team. I was impressed by his comprehension and precision as he did an outstanding job which led in successful completion of the survey.

In addition, (name) proved his knowledge of engineering and urban related issues above satisfactory in monitoring and supervision of on-going construction projects in (name) city. He is well organized and keeps track of necessary issues to monitor and supervise the projects in the best way possible. Mr. (name) also demonstrated good communication skills within the office and worked well in a group environment with the other employees.

I strongly recommend Mr. (name) for Chevening program; his demonstrated leadership abilities and vision have made a positive impact in my office.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need more information
Sincerely yours
NAme
Head of (name of organization) Directorate
name of province, Afghanistan
Phone:
Email:
naseernasrati   
Dec 29, 2017
Writing Feedback / I partly agree that children should always follow their parents' counsels [5]

Hi
first part of your essay is good but i feel a little uncomfortable with your last paragraph
as it is so short
if you write all paragraphs equally according to the length its more interesting for a reviewer
so you can rewrite your conclusion with more sentences.
naseernasrati   
Jan 13, 2018
Writing Feedback / My own ways to improve the life in my hometown [5]

Hi
first of all here are some errors
in the first paragraph ( i have fond this place ....)
this sentence is not clear according to language use and tense
in the second paragraph ( that is)
i am confused with using this ( that is) what do you mean by stating this in the middle of the sentence
again the same problem in the fourth paragraph second line ( as well, which further) confusing

overall
your conclusion is not good because it is just one sentence whithin one paragraph
you should write more sentences in one paragraph.
naseernasrati   
Nov 2, 2018
Scholarship / I have been always trying to play role of a leader and learn leadership skills. [3]

Chevening Leadership Essay


need review especially grammatical and structural

From childhood, in school, in university and after graduation, I have been trying to play role of a leader and learn leadership skills. When I was in (XXX) School, I was elected as leader of school's social team. My duties were to initiate a team of students to organize social events weekly. Previously, there were no such events, while there were needs for the events to increase social and cultural activities among students. During my job I formulated a team of ten active students and motivated them to set up the events weekly. I have engaged more students, led them and held a memorable music event for over 200 students. The event resulted in attraction of hundreds of students in social activities. Among many students, I was selected and learnt leadership and management skills workshop for six months in (YYY organization) in 2011.

In 2012, my first year in university, my classmate would always select me as leader of group works in the class. In the first semester, while I was busy with lessons and in-campus social activities, my friends from different universities requested me to create a council. I initiated a team of 15 active and committed students and organized many debating meetings with them. At the result of efforts and collaborations I have gathered a team of motivated people to pass the official steps of creation of the council and engaged more partners. I have finally organized and hold an election of over 1000 voters to elect leader of the council. Many students requested me to participate in the election but unfortunately I refused because I was to graduate. The council is now one of effective and popular youths' councils in west zone of (country name) which has arranged many volunteer promotion programs for the students in (names of cities).

After I did my bachelor's degree, I lead over 50 (program name) projects and 15 government and private sector construction projects in different locations. During my duties I have traveled to different places and districts to deal with more than 6000 beneficiaries/families. Through many contacts with people I used organization, inspiration, consultation, collaboration and coordination skills with stakeholders and successfully completed all projects.

Currently, I am leading a group of volunteers to provide educational services for thousands of students in (name of university) University, schools and institutions. Previously, no one had any idea about TOEFL test and scholarships. By attending two hours conferences each week I could inspire many students to learn English language and apply for the scholarships especially Chevening scholarship. By leading the group of volunteers I help and direct many youths to get higher education and serve for the development of (name of country).

To conclude, I found Chevening as the best opportunity to develop my leadership skills, learn new things, meet hundreds of leaders from 160 countries and become a professional future leader to serve for the people of (name of country).
naseernasrati   
Nov 2, 2018
Scholarship / Create a new concept for payment - Networking Chevening [4]

Hi
overall I dont want to say anything about content of your essay considering chevening question answer because another one has already mentioned important issues but

I want to comment on grammatical and structural points of your essay.
if I were you I would like to reread the entire essay and check it for grammatical and structural points because in some points sentences are not structurally good.

and also, another important point while reading your essay for is language use, in some points you used wrong words while you should use another words such as, last sentence of first paragraph (continue) and first sentence of last paragraph ( I am chosen).

good luck.
naseernasrati   
Nov 2, 2018
Scholarship / CHEVENING ESSAY - Networking to deliver ideas, innovation, do the action, and bring solution [7]

Hi
I think this is your first try and need to work more on some points.
in Networking essay try to answer the question coherently, give two or three examples which shows your networking abilities.
in this essay focus on how you used your networking abilities and influenced others in what way/
you have good points in your mind but the only point is that you should reread your essay at least for five times and rephrase some sentences and add some points in your sentences.

overall, keep in your mind that how you used your networking ability, made what network and brought what change in the community using your network.

and your network how helped you to succeed in some points.
the last paragraph must be about how Chevening will help you make your network stronger and how you will use Chevening network to help your country after your graduation.

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