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Posts by cuban27
Name: Dariela Valdes
Joined: Nov 7, 2017
Last Post: Nov 16, 2017
Threads: 4
Posts: 9  
Likes: 2
From: Cuba

Displayed posts: 13
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cuban27   
Nov 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / The graph provides an overview of the percentages of people whose age is 65 or more [4]

elderly people in three countries



The graph below shows the proportion of the populatin aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph provides an overview of the percentages of people whose age is 65 years old or more in 100 years since 1940 to 2040 in three different nations namely Japan, USA, and Sweden. It can be clearly seen that the three lines describe an overall increase throughout the period of time analyzed.

According to the data displayed, the proportion of elderly people (over 65 years) in both, the USA and Sweden, showed a slight increase with low starting points under 10 percent until a final value around 25% 100 years later. It is worthy to point out the fact that the Sweden line showed a series of ups and downs despite its overall tendency to increase. Meanwhile, the USA data illustrated two main tendencies; it showed rising sequences and steady ones alternatively with a final sharp rise from 2020 to 2040.

Turning to the information provided from Japan, this country had the lowest starting point in 1940 of 5% and unlike the other two nations tended to diminish the first 20 years of this period. From 1960 forward, the amount of people over 65 years began to rise gradually until 2030. At this point, the predictions show a fast change in the proportion of 65 years people, increasing around 15% almost instantaneously.

To summarize, the data displayed in the graph describe the past situation with elderly people amount in three nations and the future predictions until the year 2040. In every case, the percentage of 65-years people tended to increase its value.

(253 words in 21.45 minutes)
cuban27   
Nov 16, 2017
Graduate / Interest is in the area of artificial intelligence, with machine learning and machine perception SOP [4]

Here are some feedbacks from a student like you who just finished my personal statement a month ago! ;)

I have general interests in ?? buthowever, my prime...

I also realized that it now seems like mission impossible. be careful with humor, it is risky in this kind of essays
I am obsessedengaged with this field

Except in addition to or beside solid training ...

... since here I can get touch with many prestigious centers and institute such as I...
I think you must focus on more details about the university to show them you did your homework regarding them and thus you also will show them that you really want to study with them, you must change that phrase in red with something fancier, you know! and something about what would you add to the university, not only what they would do for you!

I hope you find this helpful and good luck with you application!
cuban27   
Nov 16, 2017
Undergraduate / Describe any of your previous experiences in Film Production [5]

@s890217
I think you should explain a little more about what is the program you are applying to and what are the requirements for the personal statement, for instance, word limit. However, as a general advice, you should avoid the use of all contraction such as don't, I've, it's and so on. it looks informal for a personal statement for university!

you also should split the content into three or four paragraphs. and you must use a more formal vocabulary, I think you use some phrases that would lead you to a fail attempt. You should include in every example of what you did an explanation of what you learned from that, what skill you got from that experience.

Even though it's a difficult work, I still got a kick out of it.
I hope you find this helpful and good luck with your application!
cuban27   
Nov 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay Task 2. English as a global language. Advantages overweight the disadvantages? 250words [5]

The advantages of English spreading as a global language will continue overweight the disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the global communication tool



Nowadays, learning English is one of the most popular practices among Young people. Some people hold the opinion that English should be the language every people must speak. With the fast increase of this language use in the world, seems obvious that its benefits overweight the drawbacks. From my perspective, this idea is not completely accurate owing to the consequences this could have for society.

On the positive side, the implement of English as the global language for fields such as business, university studies, research, and science has improved the communication and exchange of information. Scientists from all over the world are publishing their studies and papers in English and thus their research are reaching most people around the globe. Trade transactions among executives from different lands have been empowered by the Shakespeare language settled as the primary language in this sector.

On the other hand, this positioning of English as the number one peaking language these days has significant consequences for several professions. Foreign language professional for instance French, Spanish, Korean or Chinese teachers will become rare as well as foreign language studies will lose relevance in the future, narrowing the variety of university programs. In addition, diversity among countries will be affected by this one-language trend. Non-English-speaker nations will be forced to switch languages and will lose their identity in language matters.

To conclude, despite the fact that English as a global language is constantly increasing due to the advantages of this tendency, the negative side should not be dismiss. An appropriate balance between both sides could be the proper approach to deal with this phenomenon.
cuban27   
Nov 13, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing part2, congestion and traffic jams are a common and major problem in most cities. [8]

This essay looks quite good from my point of view, as I am not a professional writer, just another IELTS candidate like you. I will advise you something I read on an IELTS book, rather than firstly, secondly...just write first, second, it is the same and the last ones look better for IELTS essays. and just for adding something else, instead of "for example" use "for instance, such as" both look better than "for example" it is way too used already in IELTS essays. Good luck with your test, you look like a good prospect for high band scores!
cuban27   
Nov 13, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2. Resembling of most countries today. Positive or negative development? [5]

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Globalization has changed the world as we once knew it. Every day people around the globe are acquiring alike products such as clothes, books or art items with internet help. One of the consequences of this situation is the resembling of most countries these days. Whether this is a positive or a negative outcome should be analyzed carefully before making any decision.

First, social, cultural, artistic and even economic diversity among countries must be protected now more than ever due to globalization. The possibility of losing countries identity by this phenomenon of people around the world buying the same products it is clearly a negative result of this tendency. Nowadays, a teenager looks the same no matter where he or she lives; in contrast, former generations were more diver in these issues.

In addition, countries are losing not only their identity regarding clothes and looks but also in artistic matters. Today a person is able to buy or sell by internet any piece of art from any country in the world. This trend is affecting singularity in artistic and cultural areas within a country.

Looking at the positive side of this situation, internet and globalization, in general, allow people from elsewhere to acquire any product they need or want easily. People from countries where there was not available sort of items, now are buying them by the internet, for instance, medicine, food or household tools.

To conclude, despite the fact that this tendency has a positive side, it is believed that the negative implications overweight the positive ones. The identity of countries should endure many years in the future.
cuban27   
Nov 13, 2017
Writing Feedback / Nowadays children are consuming too many sugar based drinks. what are the reasons and solutions? [5]

You should pick either parents performance or governments to explain further in your essay, you just dropped two sentences about each role and not explain either of them. that kind of writing will cost you low scores. I am preparing myself for IELTS and that is one of the things an English teacher advised me a week ago, it is better for you to pick only one and expand the explanation about it rather than mention of all them. Hope this helps!
cuban27   
Nov 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay Task 2. Advantages Vs Disadvantages of buying things on the Internet.250words [5]

internet and online shopping



Internet has changed the word and with it every single aspect of our dairy routine. Going for shopping these days has became one of those details that internet modified for good. This trend is being adopted for more and more people every day due to its goodness and comfortability. It seems that it presents more advantages than withdraws.

First of all, the merely fact that being able to acquire things we need from the comfortability of our homes represents an attractive practice for every person. taking time to move ourselves to any store for buying something look like a waste of time with the advantages of technology. Recent studies have being proving that professionals and even university students whose spare time is limited buy the 90% of all they need through internet. They argue that this way they are able to enjoy or simply rest on their free time.

Looking at the disadvantages of this tendency, it shows the same problems with internet use in general. With more and more technology advances that allow people to do anything from their phone, it is inevitably the decline in social interaction among people. In the old days, whenever you visited the grocery store, you were able to connect with new people or you were able to greet acquaintances. With the use of internet, this social practice has being becoming ocassional.

to sum up, it is clear that internet and online shopping provide a wide range of attractives, however, the social consequences of this popular tendency can not be dismiss by any of us. Socialitation should be part of our routine as well as adopting easier and time saver practices, both aspects are equally importants.
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