Writing Feedback / Important skill a person should learn in order to successful in the world today? [3]

This is my second essay i wrote this month, I am not sure it is grammatically and logically accurate and the exam next month is a big tournament for me. Can you help me revising this essay. I need help. Thank you

What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

In my opinion, the world is changing in many complex and various ways and it is very difficult for normal people to keep up with them. However, the skill you can learn to be successful in the current global is survival. There are many approaches for survival like studying, association among people and child-rearing in case you have a baby.

First, you have to get education for a living.

Today, education is very important and you cannot earn a living without it. Therefore, you have to go to school where you can learn a lot of things necessary for your future career. For example, you study marketing to work as marketing personnel in a private company. Moreover, the education teaches you to be active in learning and understand social problems and know ways to resolve them effectively.

Second, you have to make friends with your colleague

Nowadays, it is impossible to stay alone and not go out with your friends. Although you have a job to earn a living, you have to be outgoing so that when you have problems, your friends can help you. For example, you work as a salesman and have to fulfill the objectives set up by a manager; when you get stuck with you work, you can refer to your friends for help.

Third, you have to learn approaches of taking care of children.

When your baby is born, the first thing to do is to consult with doctors about how to bring him up; they can give you a lot of advice which you can apply to your child care. Moreover, you may ask your friends who have a baby for tips to make a normal living while taking care of them so that you fell no worry about it.

In conclusion, the twentieth-first century is a turning point that propels the world towards the future and you have to adapt to it for survival. The methods available for you are to get knowledge for a job, associate with more people for better protection when you are in trouble and advice of child care when you get marriage.

Writing Feedback / Some people enjoy changes, and they look forward to new experiences. Others not. [6]

This is my essay and i am not sure whether it is right or not. Can you help me revise it?

Thank you for your help.

Some people enjoy changes, and they look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to stay the same and they do not change their usual habits. Compare these two approaches to life. Which do you prefer? Explain why

In my opinion, people in some places have to adapt to the changes of the society they live in, but some insists on retaining old customs and traditions. For me, I think about maintaining the old culture as many parents do.

First, people want to keep up with new trends especially from western regions.
It is accepted that a globalization current that spreads across the globe affect traditional thinking of the modern generations. They think that copying new norms can make their life better and refuse to adhere to the old ones. For example, persons always eat Hamburger every day after school and I ask them why you do it. They said they had though hamburger as good food to eat everywhere.

Second, they try to maintain ancient norms and value of their parent generations.
Although the current globalization brings about changes in many ways ranging from professional to personal lives, some people consider their traditional lifestyles important and still hold to them. For instance, In Thailand, whenever the harvest season comes, they all help one another to collect produce and sell it to a market without any wages. The money from the harvest is allocated equally.

Third, I agree with those who strictly keep up with the old belief.
I am uncomfortable with people who give up the traditions of their family because I think they do not respect their own family. Moreover, I feel that old norms are somewhat valued and future generations are proud they inherited old cultures from their ancestry.

To sum up, people have different perspectives of either retaining old norms or creating new ones. Their parents' view toward it is varied; some want to change new things and some do not. I believe complying with old traditions is better because I need to adhere to the will of my grandfather who intends to create and protect norms and value forever.

Writing Feedback / (control / opportunities /compliance) important qualities of a good supervisor (boss) [2]

This is a difficult essay and i need you all to revise it and give me some feedback
I really want it to improve my writing essay.
Thank you

What are some important qualities of a good supervisor (boss)? Use specific details and examples to explain why these qualities are important.

In my view, a good supervisor has a lot of responsibilities which directly refer to the business administration in many companies. By main qualities that are very important are hard-working, generosity and obedience to a company's regulation, the company has a bright future and success of business transaction.

First, my friend, Choo, spends full-time checking and control the working of his subordinates. He has been responsible for supervising and evaluating a lot many personnel in the company. Due to his hard contribution, he can differentiate people who are lazy from those who are diligent. Therefore, the company prospers in a positive way.

Second, He always gives opportunities to his squads who failed to do their duty.
Mr Choo is not much worried about failure of his subordinates although it causes a lot of trouble for the company. He said that everyone has his second chance and when you do wrong, you can make it right. By this policy, all the personnel in a company fully can put heart and soul to their work and result in a lot of success.

Third, he strictly complies with the rule by punishing everyone who is against the company.
Mr Choo is not so kind that he let his squads do whatever they want. When they do not behave well, they must tell exactly reasons for it. If they are right, he will not punish them. However, he is badly severe on those who commit illegally and his heart does not go out to them. For example, Mr Choo immediately sack personnel, in charge of accounting, who intentionally write a wrong figure in the revenue report and do not care for whatever professional backgrounds they have.

To sum up, a company cannot succeed in the business world without internal working evaluation of personnel by a supervisor. If he has these qualities like hard-working, generosity and adherence to firm's rules, the company will grow very profitably. For Mr Choo, he is very responsive and honest and owing to his keen supervising skill contributes good accomplishments of the company.

Writing Feedback / (Elephant) the most important animal in your country? Why is the animal important? [4]

Some question is very difficult to me, but i try my best to produce one clearly and logically.
Can you help me revise this essay? I really need feedback tom improve my writing skill a lot.
Thank you

What is the most important animal in your country? Why is the animal important? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

In my opinion, an elephant is an important animal in my country, Thailand. It has been used in many ways like a vehicle for King, one for trading and an attractive animal performance. There are three reasons why I think an elephant is the most popular in Thailand.

First, in the past, King Phumiphon always rode an elephant not only for battle but for sightseeing. There were wars between Thai and Burma and a lot of high-ranking soldiers and King had to use an elephant as a good carrier both for warfare and tourism. An elephant has many qualities such as strength and bravery. For example, it can go through wetlands or muddy areas without being bogged down in it and travel to forests. Another is that it can boldly fight with enemies during the war, resulting in many victories.

Second, we could carry a lot of goods by elephants.
About two centuries ago, there was no lorry for transportation of things like logs and raw materials for trade exchange in cities. Although we could use other animals for this task, no one is as convenient as an elephant because it was able to bring a lot of things from a village to a city through rough and bumpy route effectively. Even though, Cattle were one which can transport goods, but it was not convenient for long distances

Third, everybody is very excited and interested to attend the elephant football game.
In Thailand, every year, a lot of people from around the globe come to watch this sport and many teams join the competition for The King's Title. There are several appealing aspects of this tournament; for instance, people who participate have to be careful with their movement because if not, they will fall to the ground and get injuries. Moreover, they have to use a skill of controlling a ball from Hockey to score a goal.

In summary, an elephant has a great number of benefits not only for military but also for business. Couple of centuries ago, there was not any vehicle for troops in the war than an elephant and it was very difficult for dealers to transport goods from one place to another without although cattle are useful too. Finally, a lot of children can enjoy the sport game during a holiday.

Writing Feedback / People in our modern age stay longer than in the past generation [3]

Sorry, this essay is very difficult for me and i can write only two paragraphs.
Can you help me write one more paragraph and revise all the essay.
I want feedback to improve my essay when i see this type of question.
Thank you

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of the phenomenon. Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay

I think that a lot people in our modern age stay longer than in the past generation. The development of sanitation and treatment plays an important role in extending the life span as well as better food production process. Technology is an important factor that prolongs people's life.

First, Advancement of the medical research can create new ways to maintain a good health.
Today, it is true that medical industry grows well and a lot of drugs are produced as a cure for the older. For example, natural vitamins are extracted into a capsule-like medicine and when the older take it, they feel more vigorous and active and do not have to sit on a chair.

Second, quality-control appliances are used to assess the food-making process.
In the past, we did not know about whether materials used are good or not and a lot of people are in bad health condition. Nowadays, many factories which get involved in the food manufacture employ a new technology to make sure that the older does not to eat food which contains unhealthy substances.

In conclusion, people in our generation are not worried about how long they live. When it comes to life, we make sure it does not cause us irritated. The technologies have extended life longer and change the way we think of death.