Undergraduate / Parasailing accident- commonapp essay [3]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

The sun was shining, a cool wind was blowing and I was lying on the beach, sipping a drink. Around me people were playing beach-volley, swimming and just messing around. The scenery was heavenly. I was having the time of my life with my friends. At that moment all I wished for this moment to go on endlessly.

So I was very annoyed when a man came in front of me blocking my sight. He asked my friends and me if we wanted to go parasailing. I told him I was not interested and fell back in my procrastinating habits.

"Are you scared he asked," he asked.
Needless to say that my friends started ooh-ing, aah-ing and teasing me. The stranger had touched a sore spot; my pride. He had already broken the charm of the moment, so I figured out that I could as well try parasailing for the first time of my life.

I followed Jim, the stranger, to his speedboat. He fitted me with a harness a rider support attached to a parachute and the boat. He then explained the safety procedures and told me that my maneuvering abilities would not be called upon during the ride.

He ignited his engines. The beast roared under the deck. But as soon as we gained speed I started my ascension and the noise of the engines died out among the sound of the crashing waves. Soon all I could hear was the wind whipping around my head. 100 meters below me the beach line with its shops, restaurants and ice-cream vans had become a flurry of color and indistinct forms. However from my height I could clearly make out seagulls and kingfishers circling around banks of fish. I suppose that is what is called a bird's eye view.

But what I enjoyed the most was not the panoramic view; it was the rush of blood to the head that the acceleration of the boat provided. It is the same feeling as when one is accelerating in a car. However up in the air I did not have to worry about passer-bys and speed limits. I was on the right side of law and totally safe or at least that was what I thought...

While I was in ecstasy on my perch I heard a sharp slashing sound. A line holding my harness to the parachute had snapped...followed by a few others. One side of the parachute immediately collapsed and I started falling. Slowly at first, then more rapidly, as the parachute collapsed completely. I watched on helplessly as I hurtled towards the big blue.

Falling on water from my height was akin to falling from a four storey building on cement. The splash must have been as spectacular as it was painful but I cannot remember it. I suppose I must have blacked out the moment I made contact with the water, as I woke up in a hospital bed with my last memory being a blue patch. Fortunately I only suffered from a mild concussion and a broken arm. Once my parents came to the hospital the pain was only a very distant memory drowned in a sea of reproach and lectures.

Despite the little snag with the equipment, I remember this day as the most exciting in my whole life. I enjoyed every minute of the ride. The next time I go parasailing I shall go twice as high even if that means I will have twice as much broken limbs. But it does not matter as I simply love this sport.

Can I get a review please. Be as harsh as possible.

Undergraduate / UPENN supplement- biography and most important communities [3]

Hi.Could anyone review my supplement for UPENN and tell me if the second essay is too outlandish?Thank you very much.

3. Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.

Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

Jack of all trades is a master of none". This idiom is mostly used in an unflattering way. However I think that a life centered on only one discipline is boring and ultimately void of any sense. That's why I interest as much as possible to all the different fields I can possibly encounter. That said, I do have preferences for certain fields and complementarily for certain organizations.

The first organization I would register for in UPENN is the American Medical Student Association, AMSA. AMSA would provide the formation I need if ever I want to enter medical school. But besides my interest in medicine I love to do social work while at the same time deepening my knowledge in scientific fields. As an AMSA member I will have that opportunity with the shadowing possibilities, community work and research work. Moreover I would like to share my points of views and experience in medical fields with people sharing interests with me.

As far as I can remember political talks have always been the prime subject in my house. I have therefore grown to understand how much politics can influence the everyday lives of common people. Although I am not interested in being a politician, I cannot help myself from trying to be aware of all the happenings on the political scene. I must admit quite grudgingly, because I find politics a distasteful science, that I am riled but also invariantly attracted to the political dance of the world's leaders, their scheming minds and their deceptive nature. I love to analyze the situations arising from diplomatic disagreements and how each player on the global scene plays to try and turn each situation to his country's advantage, while making the most of it for his political career. Therefore it is unsurprising that I would get involved in UPENN's International Affairs Association. It would be the right place for me to continue to explore the complexity of international politics while keeping while keeping a safe distance from it. I think that my extensive knowledge of Mauritian politics would help me to integrate this society and at the same time bring diversity in thought on the matter of international politics.

When I will officially take leave of high school life in February of 2010 there is one particular activity that I am going to miss. That is representing my school at the national level in quizzes. Those moments were always very special for me because I was doing something that I loved; meeting friends from other schools, talking on general knowledge topics while at the same time taking some very good time in school uniform. But more importantly, perhaps, was that those quizzes was an opportunity for me to contribute to building a name for my high school and it that sense give back a little of what I had taken from it during seven years. If ever I had the possibility I would like to pursue that activity in university and enroll in UPENN's Academic Demolition Team. It would be a great opportunity to contribute to making UPENN's name even more famous and as a person who finds few things as gratifying as working for one's community, it would be a great activity.

I think that all the academic communities and social communities that compromise the University of Pennsylvania are equally important to create a dynamic and diverse, not only in terms of race but also in terms of aptitudes and interests, society Benjamin Franklin clearly understood that, and that's why he not only the Union Fire Company, but also the hospital to treat the courageous fireman and the library to educate them. I would love to contribute to as much societies as him, however in my present capacity I can only contribute to so many societies. I will content myself with that until the day I can do more, luckily after having made a four year spell at your university.

OPTIONAL (Truly)

4. You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit page 217.
DATE: July 20 2029
The creation of life is always a joyous event; one of the few miracles undisputed by both scientists and religious. We had all been waiting for this moment for a long time, particularly me, as I was the obstetrician responsible for the delivery. So I felt both relieved and apprehensive when I was convoked by a first officer.

I came out of my living quarters. The sight of iron oxide covering literally all surfaces was always surprising. As I walked towards the operating block I could not help stray thoughts from entering my mind; millions would be following this event on earth. I wondered if Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin would be amongst those. Exactly 60 years after they set foot on the moon mankind was going to make its second giant leap in the exploration of space... the first human birth outside earth. Humanity was on the verge of writing its most important chapter to date.

Quite fittingly it would be the work of a newborn: a human in the purest form possible, an almost perfect being in all aspects and one who deserved the respect of each and everyone. She was going to usher humanity into a new era; one in which it would be able to aspire a bit more realistically to the title of 'type one civilization'.

The implications of such an event went well beyond the usual historical and scientific milestones. Since the child would be born outside earth, she had no pre-designated nationality. The program was financed by the international committee, and therefore she had a right to any passport including a Martian one. Could she possibly be the first of a lineage of humans which would bring all countries under a single banner? I could only hope so. What were her parents going to name her; Ripley or Leia?

A mild wind started to blow, threatening to set off a dust storm. So I quickened my pace as much as those bulky suites allowed me to. I approached the operation block, one of the few buildings deemed important enough to be built. It had the shape of the dome and was covered with white ceramic, reddened by the Martian soil, and lined with lead to absorb radiation.

Time for me to put those stray thoughts away and remember the lessons from my UPENN days

Undergraduate / Commonapp: Jack Sparrow vs Personal Experience [4]

I just can't make my mind up about which one to choose.Could anybody please review my essays and tell me which one of the two is better?

I know it makes a lot to read and i'd really appreciate any kind of help on that. Thank you very much.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

One of the greatest fears of all parents is that their child goes missing. The anxiety caused, but more importantly the fear felt, by losing a loved one marks one's life. In the case of the child this is an even more traumatizing experience as his parents mean the entire world to him.

I was nine years old when such an incident occurred to me in a Singaporean commercial center. I was watching Winnie the Pooh on a giant screen and I was so engrossed in the film that I did not notice my parents had moved on to a different section of the shop. It was the late December period and the shop was packed with people looking for gifts. Some, like my parents, were even so taken up by that task that they forget their child behind. In any case the film, being played without sound, quickly bore me. Needless to say that when I turned away from the screen all I found was a sea of strangers which had no time for a lone stranded kid.

In a split second my pulse rate shot up, fear and stress gripped my body such that I almost passed out. I tried to maintain my calm and think rationally, but to no avail. I'd never been left on my own in an unknown environment, let alone in a country I'd been in for only two days. All sorts of scenarios passed through my head; I was living on the streets begging for food, I was sent to an orphanage by the Singaporean authorities and other improbable stories. I started searching around frantically. I thought I saw my parents three levels below...but it was only my eyes playing tricks. I saw a security officer and I wanted to ask him for help but I was too afraid of his reaction. Instead I walked in the opposite direction trying to fight back a feeling of complete helplessness. It was then that my mother saw me. I was immediately surrounded by my parents who started cajoling me.

That day I got both a shock and a revelation. I had always thought of myself as someone who was strong, who would be able to get himself out of any situation. . What a disillusion! I had been separated from my parents for only ten minutes yet I had been at a complete loss of what to do. Of course, I was still only a kid, but it has always been in my nature to ask more of myself than what was normally expected. Therefore, from that day onwards, I pledged to myself that I would strive hard to become a person who would be able to depend on no one but himself. That's why I see in adversity an opportunity to better myself. That's also why I am more determined than ever to attend university, because since that day I have been waiting for the opportunity to prove to myself that I can be an independent and responsible person.

Life is a long journey. Although I will have people, like my parents on whom I can count and who care for me, by my side during that journey, part of it I shall accomplish alone. I will forever remember that day at the commercial center as the first time I had to move on my very own and failed to do so. Yet each time I found myself having to overcome a difficulty on my own, I make it my duty to prove that the one failure at the commercial center is the exception which proves the rule.

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

"What the Black Pearl really is...is freedom." Freedom...by all means a hard thing for me to come by, particularly those past two years. When I got into grade eleven, I was extremely happy by the prospect of at last being faced with a great academic challenge. I relished the thought of juggling with homeworks, extracurricular activities and increased responsibilities in my everyday life. Needless to say I got an increased workload, but that could practically sum up the essence of those last two years in school. It seemed that my peers were less and less interested by social life at school. The clubs we had formed as junior students would all have died out if it were not for incoming freshmen and the teachers still treated us with the kind of condescension that made me feel like we had been retrograded into a lower grade. Outside class hours it seemed that a general lethargy had gripped the whole of the senior students. It was a real nightmare and before my first semester was over I was already impatiently waiting to be freed from this boring life.

It was therefore a chance I happened to watch Pirates of the Caribbean one day. My favorite character is Captain Jack Sparrow. Although one might believe he is a lying eccentric pariah, he has certain deeply buried qualities which are visible in his small actions. Like me, Jack Sparrow is in search of new thrills, adventures and freedom from the routine of daily life. But unlike me, Jack does not wait for an adventure to befall him. He goes looking for it and more often than not he runs into trouble. As I have myself noted on certain occasions, foolhardiness can sometimes pay off. When I played Texas hold'em poker I was usually a very conservative player. It all changed with Jack. I no more hesitate to go all-in with nothing in hand, a bluff which has paid off one out of two occasions.

He leads an incredibly vivid life. As he puts it himself, his ship, the Black Pearl, is not just a mere ship. It represents freedom from social conventions, freedom from law or simply freedom to follow one's wishes Little by little, I developed an appeal for danger. I am more than ever willing to take risk. In fact my love for extreme sports like scuba-diving and the more dangerous paragliding, which were not even worth considering while I lived with my parents, are all born from my desire to pursue a more passionate life.

What makes it so easy for me to identify to that character is his very human nature. He is neither a hero nor a villain; he is both at the same time. He is can be cupid, selfish and untrue but on the other hand he can also be courageous, loyal and uncannily kind-hearted for a pirate. One moment he is stealing a royal navy ship, the next he is saving a stranger from drowning, putting his own freedom at stake. His flaws only strengthen my conviction that I can, despite all of my weaknesses, accomplish great things.

I've always had the impression that I'd set my sights too high; I wanted to attend a highly competitive high school, be top of the class, and do the most difficult jobs such as physician. I must admit that although I did attend a top high school and was always streamed in the best class, I could not help my will from wavering from time to time. But thanks to Jack Sparrow's example I finally understood that I had to be courageous, take a chance when I got it, and then hope for the best.

Undergraduate / Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence-usc essay [4]

PROMPTThomas Edison failed many times before successfully inventing the modern electric light bulb. He said, "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence

"His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy" I could not help but smirk at those lyrics of 'lose yourself-Eminem' at that instant. Yet I was in a dire strait...it was a Sunday afternoon and I was taking the exams to obtain my brown-belt in ju-jitsu. The exams had started at eight in the morning and it had since then been six hours of intense physical activity with only a ten minute break each hour. However the sensei had saved the best for last. Up next was the exercise that had been my undoing the previous two times I had taken the exams.

I advanced to the centre of the tatami. I was surrounded by five black-belts all ready for a big fight. It was me against five black-belts who were each going to attack in turn. The sensei waited for everybody to get in guard stance and then gave his green light for the fight to begin. My first opponent came in with a quick double punch. I blocked the first one but the second punch connected with my chin and sent me sprawling. Five seconds inside the fight and I had already been floored. The sensei grabbed me by the hair, pulled me up and said: "I'll give you one last chance. Either you last five minutes or you fail."

The moment I went to ground a feeling of helplessness had seized me. The three months of extra training following my second failed attempt had been rendered totally obsolete in the blink of an eye. The difference in strength, rapidity and technical ability between my opponents and me was still too great. I just could not see how I was going to last those five minutes...but I had been given one last chance and I had to make the most of it.

I shook off my fatigue, rid myself of my negative thoughts and reclaimed my place at the center of the tatami. A first punch; I countered it, a second punch; I blocked it. The third move came from an opponent on my right side. It was a powerful and well placed mid-kick which I only managed to dodge sideways but that signalled the end of the warming up. The sensei gave the sign to raise the tempo and as from that moment the punches and the kicks started to literally rain on me. Only this time I changed tactics. Instead of defending myself like on my previous fights, I went to the encounter of my opponents, all instincts of self-preservation abandoned. My sudden spurt in aggressivity surprised them. They were more cautious when attacking and as a result I got more time in between the attacks and more space to manoeuvre. That said they were still black-belts and for every punch I gave I received five.

Time passed...one minute...two minutes... I clenched my teeth and pushed aside my pain...three minutes... I was running on reserves...four minutes...I was sickened. I had lost all lucidity. The only thing I knew was that I had to remain on my feet...four minutes thirty seconds...almost there...and finally I heard the sensei say" STOP". I was burned out. The exams were finally over and this time I knew I had succeeded. I would have screamed at the top of my lungs had it been permitted.

Those five minutes have been the longest of all my life. What I retain from it is that at some point in life we are all faced with adversity. If at that point we lack courage, strength of will or desire we can easily fail. In my case I could have let my head drop when I went to ground the first time. Although it would have been the easiest thing to do, I would have done a great disservice to myself considering all the efforts I had put in my training. I'm sure Rocky would have agreed to that statement. Just like him I've had my fair share of setbacks. I'll have even more in the future but just as him I look forward to challenges because they are an opportunity to prove to myself my self-worth.

What do you think of the essay?Does it answer the prompt correctly? Thanks

Undergraduate / Common application essay(Indicate a person who has had a significant influence . [2]

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence

I attend one of the top rated high schools in the land; I want to attend an internationally recognised university, obtain a degree in medicine and lead a nice and cozy life. That was me and my dreams a few years ago. Those dreams I had were not evolved from a desire to help others as much as a desire to please others, to live by the norms of society. Norms which consider that someone has succeeded if he has a good, secure, job. But it changed once I started spending more time with my great uncle and he started exerting what my calls his "negative" influence on me.

At age seventeen he left home soil to learn nursing in the UK bringing seven pounds as sole baggage. From there on he went on to become a nurse for Red Cross and the stories he's brought back home, such as when he barely escaped soldiers who ambushed his convoy in central Africa or went to see the Serengeti annual migration, aroused my taste for adventure and risk taking. Instead of trying at all cost to live a quiet life I have painstakingly employed every ounce of energy I had to get more involved in my community and school, because the norms of my society no longer suits me, and that I prefer the other side of life which I was shown; that is to say a risky but more exciting lifestyle. As for the challenges that I am faced with in high school, I finally appreciate them and even look forward for more because that's what makes my life worth living in the end.

My grand uncle who is a retired red-cross nurse likes to talk international events and politics while I am beating him up at dominoes. Unlike other Mauritian people I know his analysis is not tainted by the prejudices which are commonly held in a Mauritian society fractured between races and caste. Being confronted with his new points of views broadened my own vision of the world. I tried a more objective approach, abandoning my Mauritian standards which I used to assess every situation to which I was confronted. This has allowed me to accept that people from a different environment have different norms, to which they respond, and because I still do not comprehend these norms any better I've stopped making presumptuous assumptions about societies and people I have no knowledge of.

In a world where news is being disseminated as much by CNN as twitter journalistic objectivity is becoming rarer. Abandoning my preconceived ideas greatly increased my own independence of thought and my opinions are no more modeled by the media or common held-beliefs. Today they often clash with those of my great uncle but since I have learnt to think for myself I make my own interpretation of situations trusting more in my own abilities than those of other people.

Thanks to my great uncle I have understood what I really wanted in life and how to seize the opportunities to have it. I have more self confidence and I am ready to experience the challenge of tertiary education.

Is it too short?
Any suggestion is most welcome.thanks

Undergraduate / 'visit to Victoria hospital' - ucas medical personal statement [2]

As a kid I had asthma and because of my condition I had to pay regular visits to my paediatrician. It awed me how much better I felt after having consulted a man who was otherwise a complete stranger to me. From that very early age I felt admiration for medical practitioners and whished to resemble them so that one day when people turned to me for help I would be able to provide it just as my paediatrician had provided it for me.

During my visit to Victoria hospital I have had the opportunity to discuss with some doctors of their work and gain an insight in their daily life. While I was there I witnessed how NMR and MRI machines can help cure cancer. This piqued my interest in medicine because up till then I had not fully grasped how intricate and complex the medical field could be. It awes me to see how technology such as computed tomography can be allied to the deft hands of a physician to remove a tumour in a sensible region as the brain. Since then I've started to pay more attention to breakthroughs in medical field particularly in high-tech medicine such as stratified medicine and stem cell treatments. These techniques are still in an embryonic stage and I look forward to a career which will allow me to follow and contribute to their development for a better delivery of medical treatment.

Before making my move in a chess game I always consider all options available and strive hard to choose the best one. It is with this kind of dedication that I intend to practice my profession for having made a brief spell in clinic after I suffered from acute respiratory diseases due to adverse effect to primperan I know that a mistake whether intentional or not can have chilling effects when it comes to a medical profession.

I have suffered a number of setbacks during my preparation of my 4A levels. There were times when I could not cope with the workload or the speed with which some chapters were discussed. However I've never let my head down and each time I had the sensation that I was lagging behind the rest of the class I redoubled my efforts to bring myself back on level terms with my friends. My perseverance has allowed me to spend all my seven years in secondary school in the best class and I am certain that I can repeat this performance at university level.

For the last couple of years I have been babysitting the twins of my neighbours. This made me confident in shouldering more responsibilities besides developing an emphatic understanding of children. While I do have a lot of affection for them I never hesitate to scold them when they misbehave, which is usually the case, and I think it shows a lot of emotional maturity from my part. As voluntary work I helped Rotary club to raise funds and collect food for destitute families in the district of Flacq, during the weeks preceding Christmas. It was a rewarding thought to know that I had contributed to make their Christmas a worthwhile celebration.

Being a brown belt holder in Ju-jitsu I have learnt to be disciplined, to respect people despite differences which we resolved in the ring and to collaborate with my sparring partners to set up gala fights. Moreover I had to do a lot of teamwork to see through several science competitions in which I participated during my school years: all of which have helped me to develop my communication skills and leadership qualities. While at school I have also participated in various club activities; athletics club, chess club, green society club just to name a few which I particularly have at heart.

My aspiration to a medical career is motivated not only by a strong desire to help others but also by a conviction that it will fulfil my prospects in life and no matter how hard the road ahead of me will be the rewards reaped far exceed the self-sacrifice required.

Bring on the criticism...any advice is also welcome. XD

Undergraduate / common appl short answer on martial arts [6]

I was pretty scared the first day I attended my first martial arts class. The teachers were stern and grim-looking...But that was eight years ago. After several years of hard practice I have developed fighting abilities and been awarded a brown belt which makes me more confident in walking badly lit streets at night. However I still very much dread going to my martial arts class.

Given that I have been unable to add bravery to my list of qualities I have learnt to live with my fears. During those eight years I have been faced to opponents much stronger than me and have been beaten to pulp more times than I dare mention. During those fights I have learnt to keep my fear in check and to always stay on my feet. Today I can analyse a situation and make a rational decision even under the most stressful conditions.

thanks in advance for any advice on how to improve :-)