Undergraduate / "Prom" - Creativity Essay [4]

Hey all, I need some feedback on this MIT essay... I'm not quite sure if this is 'creative' enough (especially for people in other countries). please be as harsh as you can!

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Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (*) (200-250 words)

"We can't have a prom night," I said to the Prom committee members. "The Headmaster said that we should have a prom day instead, in the school area, with all parents in attendance, and all graduating students should wear uniforms."

"It's not a prom!" They whined, the graduating students whined, but the Headmaster remained steadfast.

As we tried to brainstorm on a theme to suit our conditions, I suddenly had an idea to make an award-themed prom, with some performances jammed between awards. We could put black fabric along the school hall's windows to make it dark. Only students who performed or read nominations should wear fancy clothes. This way, the uniform requirement wouldn't make the event less 'cool'. We also didn't need large space, something we didn't have, for dance or games.

Other committee members liked this idea. So we started to choose categories and nominees, then distributed ballots to every graduating student. After being counted by teachers, vote results were written in closed parchments. We also bought personalized, statue-like trophies and commissioned an art institute graduate to film videos on the nominees.

The D-Day turned out to be a blast; complains that we heard up to the previous night were gone. My friends patted me in the back and complimented me, but my biggest compliment came from the Headmaster herself, who said that this was the best graduation ever in her thirty years of career.

After all, It is not about the chance we have, but how we make use of that chance.

Undergraduate / Common Application - Election Speech [4]

I wonder whether the content is a right message to convey... Is this too childish? Comments are appreciated :) Thank you!

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

During my junior year in [Insert Name] Junior High School, I was nominated to be the Chairman of the school's Student Council. It was not a surprise, as for the last twelve months, I held the highest position possible for a freshman, second secretary. I had received a lot of support from fellow students, including my seniors in Student Council. Many of them said that I should not worry, because, in their words, there was no chance for me to lose. My friends' beliefs encouraged me to try my best in this election.

In the final public speaking campaign, I was scheduled to be the last person to talk. I sat on the stage side as I listened to other nominees' speeches while practicing mine silently. The first, second and third nominee did not distract my own contemplation. The fourth candidate's speech, like three speeches before hers, was followed by a polite applause. However, a dozen upperclassmen suddenly started to cheer the fourth nominee's name enthusiastically, even singing loudly to support her. Then they convinced their classmates to join their cheering. I was dazed. Four of those upperclassmen were the same people who declared their vote for me days earlier - people who said that I would surely win. People whom I respected, people who I thought supported me.

Why? I asked myself silently. Why do they turn their back on me? As I walked to the podium, I fought hard the sadness and the will to ask those upperclassmen what I had done wrong. In a second, I questioned my own worth. I took a deep breath and glanced around the room, trying to look at my audience's eyes. I saw those upperclassmen turned to avoid my glance. As I looked at the other side, however, I met others' smiling face that encouraged me. My mind wandered to what I had done in the Council before. I worked together well with my peers. I made my reports on time and helped my compatriots in doing theirs. I led meetings and my upperclassmen listened and respected me. I pulled off a badminton competition with a week of planning and every event that I led received a positive evaluation from both teachers and students. I am capable. In seconds, I regained control and confidence of myself.

"My name is [Insert Name]," I spoke. "I believe I am the best candidate to lead [Insert Name] Junior High School in the next twelve months."

My tight grip on the lectern loosened up as I continued my speech. After the first minute, I had become myself, doing something that I love: public speaking. I enjoyed applauses between my speech and people's eyes that encouraged me. When I finished my speech, I could not be more satisfied about my performance.

Thirty minutes later, I was elected the Chairman of [Insert Name] Junior High School's Student Council.

I felt content - the disappointed feeling I had minutes earlier did not bug me anymore. The short time between the seniors' cheering and my speech somehow pushed my self-esteem to drown my doubtful side. Confidence should not come from the outside, but from the inside, and I had earned that inner confidence. I realized that this incident prepared me to be a leader. A leader seldom could make a decision that satisfied everyone; for every decision, there would be pros and cons. Other people's negative comments did not draw me back; they became merely suggestions I considered when I made my own decision in an objective way. At the end of the day, I became a tougher person in trusting my own judgment. I am thankful that this 'little incident' happened.

Undergraduate / Essay on Programming - Carnegie Mellon Supplement [5]

Explain why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major, department or program. This essay should include reasons why you have chosen the major, any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. (one-page, single-spaced)

After the Day 2 of the International Olympiad in Informatics (IOI) 2009 in Bulgaria, a breaded-haired man twice my height approached me. I could feel my heart throbbing fast as I recognized who he was instantly: Dr. [insert a great name in Compsci].

"You have done a great job," he said. "You must have made your country real proud."

I had admired this man for years and he recognized me. This is surreal!

I did not get that much appreciation and support when I started programming five years earlier. A National Team alumnus suggested that I should find another subject, because, in his words, "there is no place for you girls here." My friends were still struggling in using Microsoft Word and no computer teacher in my school understood programming well. Likewise, algorithms books are scarce in my country. Local books cover only up to sorting algorithms, and imported algorithm books are hard to find.

However, inadequacy proves to be a blessing in my case. I was led to perceive informatics as an enjoyable exploration led by my own curiosity, and not as an 'academic subject'. Soon, I progressed from coding multiplications of two ten-digit numbers to designing the most efficient distribution route using Maximum Flow modeling. During this process, I further realized algorithms' wide array of applications in the real life and became fascinated by Computer Science's almost limitless possibilities in the future.

Hence, pursuing a Computer Science bachelor degree is a natural decision for me. I want to be in a world-renowned university with the best quality courses and a first-rate faculty. I look forward to exploring modern Computer Science concentrations, particularly Human Computer Interaction and Language Technologies, thus finding a suitable concentration for me. These criteria led me to Carnegie Mellon University.

When I peeked into CMU's website for admission information, I was surprised to see 'Especially for Women' link on the page. Wow, this university seriously appreciates us! I thought. I am particularly impressed that CMU, through Women@SCS, has done real job in encouraging women in Computer Science. I realize that when I step into the School of Computer Science, I have Big Sisters to whom I can talk and ask. Through Women@SCS, I look forward to participating in the regularly held dinners with companies and also leadership and interview training, thus preparing myself for my future career.

On the other hand, I believe that I can also contribute to CMU, for example by participating on the ACM International Collegiate Programming Contest on behalf of the school. Additionally, since encouraging my younger female compatriots is my deep concern, I am planning to volunteer actively in Women@SCS and Society of Women Engineers. Being a South-East Asian, I can also enrich Carnegie Mellon University's diversity.

All things considered, I believe that Carnegie Mellon is the ideal university for me.

Any comments? :) i wonder whether this is boring...