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"to make it worth wild" - University of Central Florida Essay


melyxoxo 1 / 4  
Sep 18, 2009   #1
Essay Prompt: How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

Family is what shapes us, influences, and makes us who we are. "Family is the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter" once said Brad Henry. That is how my family represents me, they are my compass and inspiration for the better. My family came here from Cuba to escape the Communist Regime looking for a better life. They came though Spain and by doing so they have to give up everything that was dear to them, objects such as my mother's ragged old doll, my aunt's bracelet given to her by her soon to be deceased father and last my grandmother's wedding ring. They gave up so much to come here, and that has shown me to be grateful for what I have been given, and for the many opportunities I have available to me. I should never let chances in my life go by without taking the risk to at least try. I should take advantage of everything that comes my way because if I don't all their struggles and hardship would be for nothing. I was given a special chance to make a difference and I'm going to make it worth wild.
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 18, 2009   #2
Painfully unspecific. You really need more examples and less meaningless statements.

Family is what shapes us, influences, and makes us who we are.

Poor introduction also.
You can do better. You need to include the key factors that every admission essay must have.
OP melyxoxo 1 / 4  
Sep 18, 2009   #3
What are the key factors that every admission essay must have?
macca 3 / 15  
Sep 18, 2009   #4
They gave up so much to come here, and that has shown me to be grateful for what I have been given.

I think this one is too wordy.

You do not talk in specific how they affect you, other than the above statement, which is pretty cliche.
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 18, 2009   #5
In depth examples that illustrate the effect that your family has had on you.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 18, 2009   #6
worth wild.

^I was expecting some word play on 'worth wild.' However, there is nothing in your essay that suggests anything particularly wild. Therefore, perhaps you should just stick to 'worthwhile'.

You do not discuss in any relevant depth as to how your family's actions, or how your family alone, has influenced you and made you the person you are today.
OP melyxoxo 1 / 4  
Sep 18, 2009   #7
So in short I need to add more family reason of how they made me
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 18, 2009   #8
I was expecting some word play on 'worth wild.' However, there is nothing in your essay that suggests anything particularly wild. Therefore, perhaps you should just stick to 'worthwhile'.

Ah, too bad you got to that one before me, Liebe. I was really looking forward to punning on the phrase while making that correction.

And yes, melyxoxo, you need to say more -- beyond the usual wanting to do well to make their sacrifices worthwhile -- about how your particular cultural and family history shaped you.


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