Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 Test 5 Cam 14 : Sharing information freely is the good ways ??? [3]

I want to see all of your comments below my essay . My target is band 6.0. Thank you so much.....

the free source of information?

Some people believe that is is good to shre as much information as possible in scientific research and academic world . Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely

People have a different views about information sharing that brings its own advantages and disadvantages at present. Sharing information and ideas in investigations of science , commerce or in the list of academic subjects is the best way to learn and put it into practice. However , others think in opposite ways that it is uncontrolled to sharing important information . For this causes , this essay focuses on thes diverse attitude toward exchanging information and a reasoned conclusion with my personal opinion.

From my perspective , there are various measures why people believe that it is essential to share information if we want to develop forward in the fields of education , science , trade and so on . Scientists should share their latest discoveries with other researchers around the world. Furthermore , their own invention will be recognized as a new achievement research. In addition , if ideas or new knowledge are imparted and shared to students by teachers , they can broaden their understanding and shorten distance learning over the internet. For example , in business , sharing experience in commercal activities for profit is necessary elements in economic expansion and by the contrary , it can not grow without sharing ideas.

Conversely , I understand why people do not accept the idea of sharing information for several reasons. One of them is the reveal of top-secret information and data belonging to government security about economy and polictic . This leading to driven to the verge if terrorism and increasing criminal figures . Moreover, hackers online can attack consumer by steal individual information from public personal account on social media like Facebook if we display them obviously

To sum up , I believe those who have argument for the free source of information in some special fields maybe except but there should limit in which we share information publicly like personal pictures , videos , certain business ideas or documents and so on . Therefore , I partly support both views.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 Test 5 Cam 14 : Doing Regular Physical Activity between Men and Women in Australia [3]

I want to see all of your comments below the my essay . Thank for your response !!!! My target is band 6.0

the proportion of Australian males and females, doing exercises regularly

The Topic : The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The given bar chart gives information about the proportion of males and females , doing exercise regularly according to six different age groups ( 15-24 ,25-34, 35-44 , 45-55 , 55-64 , 64-over ) in Australia in 2010.

It is crystal clear that the percentage of both men and women who did regular physical activities are vary consistently throughout age groups.
On the one hand , 15-24 year olds of men rate were the highest percentage of people usually taking part in physical activities and accounted for roughly 53% . The figures then declined slightly to 42,2% and hit a low of 39,5% for 35-44 year-old-man in the chart . Noticeably, there was an upward trend for those aged 45-54 , 55-64 and older ascent continually from 43,1% to 45% and 47,7% respectively.

On the other hand , the number of women who did workout regularly aged 15to 24 increased slightly from 47,7% to 49% at the aged of 25-33 years old and then this figure also rose approximately 52,5% in the 35-44 age group . Furthermore , the data of those aged 45 to 54 reached the highest point of 53,3% in over year. However , the number of 55 to 64 year old women decreased slowly to 53% and were a corresponding drop in 47,1 at the 65 and over age group.

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