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Posts by Athiyya17 [Suspended]
Name: Athiyya Nurrahmani
Joined: Apr 18, 2020
Last Post: Apr 26, 2020
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
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From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 8
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Athiyya17   
Apr 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING: Undereducated people [3]

Hi, this seems pretty good to me. You've already broke down the most important points of the chart. Good luck!
Athiyya17   
Apr 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / Why drinking age is under 21 years old in USA [4]

Hi @Jiaxin0229 first of all, i did not find the thread title and your essay relevance. Aren't you supposed to be writing about Why drinking age is under 21 years old in USA?
Athiyya17   
Apr 25, 2020
Scholarship / Why I chose the course - Austalia Award Scholarship - Master of Marketing Communication [2]

Hi, i'm currently applying AAS for the Master of Marketing Communication at Melbourne University & Master of PR and Advertising at UNSW. Kindly help to review my new essay as i was told to make a new one before. I tried to be more structured and focused to the points. I hope to hear more feedback and suggestions from you.

Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?



The main reason is because the courses aligns to my previous study and also my working experiences, both courses have all the subjects that I am very passionate about. First, I would love to learn Marketing Communications because I intend to understand each Marketing and Communications further. This course provides subjects starting from the most common to the advanced. Some subjects such as Foundation of Marketing and Communications and Strategic Content Creation, I believe is fundamental to help sharpen my critical thinking and enrich my knowledge that will be a great basic. I desire to understand Marketing from ground bottom starting from the basic of promotions, campaigns and others to the next level like knowing how effective the marketing performance was by using the exact measurements and these will be explained on the Marketing Metrics subject.

Second, I chose Public Relations and Advertising as this course promise to demonstrate advanced knowledge relating to the persuasive, promotional and participative communication dimensions of public relations and advertising and be able to apply this knowledge in a range of professional settings. Public Relations interest me since I my work is about building relationships with communities. I am curious on how to communicate complex ideas to a range of audience, using written, oral and mediated communication because based on my experience it was never easy to give any information to all audience at once because each one of them will interpret the message differently. This makes the process of building a good relation hampered, and it maybe cause every audience has difference background either educational or cultural. The same thing applies to advertising. I need to understand how to create the best advertisement with a focus on delivering the message perfectly since often people don't get the exact message that we are trying to give. Those are the reasons why I intended to study the course.

One at a time.
Athiyya17   
Apr 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: modern innovations bring a lot of problems than benefits [4]

You have a pretty clear example of how innovations brings more benefits than problem, yet i didn't see you stated it clearly as in "i agree/disagree" which i think is important to write since it is the main question. You may state it in the beginning or the end of paragraph as a closing statement. That's all from me, let's wait for the contributor respond as he may give you more advice. Good luck!
Athiyya17   
Apr 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Line Chart (The USA and China birth rate) [2]

I think it's better for you to breakdown each year from 1920 to 1950 since the chart is shows significant difference that you can explore more. You can generalize the period of time e.g the last 20 years, when the chart starts to seem stable. I suggest you to take out the opinion words such as "recovery". That's all from me, let's see what the contributor has to say. Good luck!
Athiyya17   
Apr 18, 2020
Scholarship / Australia Award Scholarship - Marketing Communications in Melbourne University. [4]

Hi guys,
This is my first time applying scholarship and i am applying Australia Award Scholarship. I need your suggestions and how do you think about my answer below to the questions above. Fyi, my purposed study is Marketing Communications in Melbourne University. Will be waiting for your feedbacks, cheers! :)

How will the proposed study contribute to your career?



My working experience was always related to marketing and communications so I am planning to proceed to work in this field especially at Start-Up Companies. I believe the purposed study contributes to my career by arming myself with disciplinary-specific knowledge and interdisciplinary expertise that will give me the capabilities to thrive in this dynamic profession. My previous study, communication science, is not enough to face challenges in the real Start-up world as it focuses more on the basic theory itself rather than implementing the theory directly to real projects. By taking master in marketing and communications, I am confident that the subjects provided will enhance my critical and creative thinking that is crucial to my career. Especially this purposed study offers internship program which shall equip me for all the possible things that might happen in professional practice. By doing the internship in Australia, I will also get a different perspective I can implement back home after I finish the study.

Some studies will also be very beneficial to me such as Marketing Matrix subject because my experience is mostly in the on-going process of marketing like making promotions, campaign, handling public relations, etc but not the completion like how effective all the process was. In reality, Start-Ups are always focused on the short-term of marketing. Companies tend to burn much money as possible as a start for marketing and assuming people will still be loyal later even they cut the promotions. This assumption is wrong, in fact, people keep coming back to the company because of the promotion and once it stops, people will find another option that gives them more benefits. This misleading mindset is the basic thing that I will change in a start-up company and make impact by focus on performing efficient marketing but at the same time keeping up with other competitors and always have an exact calculation of how effective the marketing was.
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