Undergraduate / 'Determined cheerleading' - BU three words to contribute to university community [3]

I just finished my essay, and I am trying to figure out where I went wrong. It is not very convincing, and I am lost at what to do about it. Any tips/suggestions/ideas?

Prompt:
In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the Boston University community.

After my first tour of Italy, I realized I wanted a diverse and intellectual education with a curriculum centering on Italian Studies. I set a goal to return to Italy to validate this as a potential academic pursuit. I have a strong will to succeed and persevere, so I began my new mission by extending my work hours at a supermarket and refraining from using this money frivolously. Although it was a difficult balancing act with school and extracurricular activities, I knew my determination would pay off. And it did, my second trip was a very rewarding experience. I can apply this same perseverance to further challenge myself by intensifying my Italian Studies and even studying abroad through Boston University's Padova language and Liberal Arts Program.

My large high school, with a wide variety of students and faculty with different ethnicities, has given me many opportunities to identify with unfamiliar cultures. I have an unbiased mindset that every person "has a voice." With my open-mindedness I can embrace the similarities and bridge the differences between cultures. Currently I am working on hosting a cultural festival of sorts to connect all of the culture-based clubs like Asian Club and French Honor Society. Containing students from over one hundred countries and fifty different cultural organizations, Boston University's diverse campus community will allow me to build even more bridges.

I am a warm and amicable person. In a new situation, this interpersonal skill is the keystone in establishing relationships. To successfully be a cheerleader, one must be friendly and vibrant to infuse life into the game. I have applied this throughout many other aspects of my life by effectively networking across multiple and diverse groups of people throughout my academic and social life. Because Boston University has a large student body, my interpersonal skills will enable me to fully take advantage of its many offerings.

With these qualities - determination, open-mindedness, and amicability - I can enhance the Boston University community while in Boston, and beyond.

Undergraduate / unfamiliar teenagers - BROWN SUPP. Best Advice [5]

please someone help. I know it is very cliche, but i do not know how to fix that and make it less average and more powerful.

I made some edits since my first post.. but it's still pretty bland...

I am surrounded by fifteen unfamiliar teenagers. One is standing in the corner with her hands covering her eyes and counting "3, 2, 1, ready or not here I come!" Another is hiding underneath the piano in the corner. A rattle comes from the closet and I suppose that someone else is hiding in there. At the long table along the rear wall of the room, a curly haired girl sits alone.

This is my first meeting as a volunteer for the Special Education Parent and Teacher Association, commonly known as SEPTA. It is a program at my town's public library to have parents and children with special needs gather in an inclusive social and educational environment. The SEPTA bimonthly parent information meetings provide childcare for their teens with special needs. The volunteers, like me, are responsible to interact and socialize with these teens.

A rush of nervousness washes over me. How could I relate to these strangers? Awkwardly standing at the entrance, I am at lost at what to do. I watch the cheerless curly haired girl watching the giggling teens playing their game of hide and seek. Suddenly, my mind wanders to a vision of my father at the dinner table explaining the value of a simple "hello." He explains that having the ability to be warm and amicable in an unfamiliar situation is the keystone in establishing relationships. After a brief wrestle with the fear of rejection, I inhale and make my way to the lonely girl, my father's words of wisdom at the brink of my thoughts.

"Hello." She looks up at me and, to my relief, smiles. After a few minutes of simple chatting, I learn that we have much in common. We speak about a variety of subjects from High School to the Yankees during the remaining two hours, which becomes the first of many conversations that I have with her. This simple dialogue led the way to trust, camaraderie and working towards common goals. Plus, my inhibition and apprehensiveness are no longer obstacles when in a new situation.

Through this wonderful volunteer opportunity, I have befriended many other teens with a wide spectrum of disabilities ranging from autism, cerebral palsy, ADHD, Down syndrome, learning disabilities and communicatively impaired. What I value most is the friendships and bonds I have made with peers whom I otherwise would never have met. To talk and listen to them and their dreams, I have found each child to be unique and extraordinary - and it all began from a simple hello.

any suggestions would be much appreciated.
I need to hit submit tonight!! ahh!

Undergraduate / Common app - Italy!! Legend words [8]

This is my draft for my common app essay... promp 1. about an experience's influence on you or something like that.
I know it is pretty rough right now, but I want it to be amazing!
and right now.. it's just ... not.
RIP IT TO SHREADS!!!
please and thanks guys (:

"Legend has it that if you throw one coin into the Trevi Fountain you will one day return to Rome." I listened to these prophetic words as my Italian teacher addressed our tour group. Burrowing through the thick crowd, I made my way to the fountain's edge. There must have been over a thousand coins glistening in the clear, sunlit water. I retrieved a coin from my handy fanny pack, kissed it, and prayed with all my might that the universe was listening to my wish.

I have always felt a strong connection with my Italian heritage, perhaps because it has been such a prominent influence in my home life. I have a large, close knit family that spends a lot of time together and the frequent Sunday dinners always give the pleasant aroma of a delicious, home-cooked Italian meal. I love when my grandma speaks Italian with me and fills the house with beautiful, classical Italian songs on the piano.

When presented with the opportunity to go to Italy - to use all that I had learned in Italian class and to feel my heritage come alive - I was ecstatic! The trip would be a twelve-day tour with visits to major cities like Florence, Venice, Pisa and Rome. So I geared up to become the best tourist Italy had ever welcomed - complete with journal, camera, mini-dictionary and sunscreen.

As I strolled along Rome's ancient, cobblestone roads I felt the sun tingle against my skin. While I walked through the Roman sights, admiring the incredible architecture and the marble-sculptures, I could not help but feel intrigued and inspired. I faced the Roman Coliseum, trying to imagine this aging structure as it was in its days of glory, when a thought entered my mind as if by enlightenment: This very path I was standing on was the same path that Caesars, Soldiers, and Saints once walked. The Roman's paved the way for many significant and everlasting contributions in the fields of math, science, architecture, and literature, and their ancient civilization now lay in ruins before my eyes. Every stone, it seems, unearthed a story, told or untold, about Rome's ancient past of splendor, faith and contribution. Then, call it destiny, fate, or divine intervention, a desire sparked within me. I longed to do something significant with my life; to make a difference in the world I live in just as the Romans had.

I came home a changed and inspired person, as if my Italian heritage, with all its stubborn determination, had been awakened in me from my visit to my ancestors' homeland. I applied myself to my Italian studies with a renewed and enthusiastic interest and now felt I had a more focused goal for my future. Including Italian into my college studies would be essential to become the kind of person I now aspired to be. I decided to extend my working hours at ACME, a local supermarket, to save enough money to return to Italy once again. It was a difficult balancing act with school, extracurricular activities and work, but by the next summer I was on my way!

On the second visit, I felt a different feeling of ownership and fulfillment because not only had I earned this trip all on my own, but I also had a deeper appreciation and understanding of Italy's history, language and culture. So, once again, I found myself looking up at the Trevi fountain with its splendid statue of Neptune flanked by his marble horses. The sun's reflection bounced happily off the waters below. I was back! I turned around, reached into my trusty fanny pack for another coin, and closed my eyes as I tossed yet another coin over my shoulder. I smiled because I knew the Universe and all the spirits of my Italian ancestry were listening.

Undergraduate / Italian Studies - Why Brown short answer! (1000 char) [4]

Hey guys please feel free to tear this apart! I know it is very dull, but it is all true, and is JUST under the 1000 character limit.

"Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?" (1000 characters)

Brown University is the one place that sparks my interests, ignites my aspirations, and fuels my determination. The collaboration between the faculty and students, the accessible research facilities, and the interdisciplinary nature of the curriculum are all important to me. Because of my avid interest in Italian history, language and culture, I am drawn to Brown's concentration in Italian Studies and am impressed by the Brown Program in Bologna. Having travelled to Italy twice, I am eager to enroll in courses with Italian students in the University of Bologna. Also, as the rest of my application shows, I have a lot of experience organizing events for my school, church and community. With passionate students and a notably active Swearer Center, Brown will best enable me to extend my philanthropic commitment. Brown is the ideal place to explore my love of both Italy and entrepreneurial spirit, cross disciplinary paths and ultimately chart the broadest possible intellectual journey.

Undergraduate / 'Live music' - Common app short answer - piano [7]

Hey I'm new here! This is my response for the common app short answer. It is actually under the word limit! it's 142 words and 150 words is the cut off, so I have a little room to expand if needed. I am open to any criticism/comments/suggestions!

Please and thanks (:

When playing the piano, not only does the music come alive, but I can also live, if only for a brief time, vicariously through its melody. I become one with the emotion of the music; my fingers are extensions of the black and white keys and my heart is the pulse of the metronome. I become consumed in the playful staccatos, the soothing legatos, and the heartbreaking climaxes of the music. Music has this marvelous ability to embrace and elevate the joys and sorrows of life, and even soothe them when necessary. When I return to my familiar piano bench, slightly worn and wobbly from years of shifting posture in accordance to the music, I am warmed by a feeling of satisfaction and longing. The music I create now runs through every artery and vein in the intricate harmony of my body.