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Posts by michaeljackson2 [Suspended]
Name: Suzy Bui
Joined: Nov 21, 2020
Last Post: Nov 27, 2020
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: Viet Nam
School: Hanoi University

Displayed posts: 6
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michaeljackson2   
Nov 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / Task 2 IELTS - People living longer after retirement - people's health [6]

First: remember to add the article "the": the birth rate, the death rate, the city population, the urban population,....

Second: you should make the first idea of the the problem clearer. For example: Overpopulation exerts devatasting effects on the city such as causing diseases, lacking of living land....
michaeljackson2   
Nov 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are some solutions [3]

overconsumption of sugar products



Even though the consumption of too many sugar-based drinks causes many problems such as obesity and diabetes, people indulge in those sweet products more and more. There are several reasons for this and some solutions.

Three main reasons entice people to consume a lot of sugary drinks. First, research studies show that most children and people over 50 years old love sweet foods and drinks. In fact, 9 out of 10 children said that they usually drink coke or sugary milk every day. Second, colorful advertising featuring celebrities drives sales of sugar products thereby playing a crucial role in luring consumers to try those drinks. On average people spend nearly 3-4 hours per day watching TV and surfing the internet which exposes them to a large number of advertisements and makes them not only desire a sweet taste but also believe it is healthy. Third, in some people that become afflicted by sugar addiction, doctors believe they can't help but consume sugary foods and drinks whenever they see them.

Clearly this is a sad state of affairs. Luckily, society has a few ways to fight back. The government definitely can raise the taxes of sugar products and companies that produce them thereby forcing those companies to increase their prices. Those increases will cause consumers to purchase less of those products. Schools should also become more involved through direct instruction in classrooms, advertising campaigns, and physical fitness programs. By raising awareness of the problems of sugar consumption at a young age, society combats the problem earlier reducing the likelihood it will grow as large later.

In conclusion, although several societal forces conspire to tempt people to consume sugar products, steps can be taken to ameliorate the problem.
michaeljackson2   
Nov 24, 2020
Writing Feedback / [WT2] Grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren or live independently? [4]

First: you shouldnt use the pronouns like: I, we, you in the essay.
Second: in the first main paragraph,you gave three reasons to support the first opinion but in the second one, it just has only one. you should balance the ideas of both sides.

Third: the conclusion should also include at least two sentences. And you should give your opinion clearer.
And: at work or at school....------> at work or school....
Anyway, your vocabulary is good.
michaeljackson2   
Nov 21, 2020
Writing Feedback / Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another [3]

relationships via internet are common these days



As from the Internet was invented, lots of people started using social networks such as Facebook, Twitter... every day for the sake of working or entertainment. Quite a few teenagers are interested in those apps and gradually being emotionally affected by them from the internet to reality. Hence, many young people prefer socialising online to meeting face to face one another person due to the fact that it is easy to use a social app by a laptop or a phone while we just need to sit at home and relax. However, socialising online exerts devastating effects on young people in some ways. My essay will lighten up this issue.

Firstly, using those electronic devices often to chat not only causes many eyes problems such as shortsightedness but also jeopardizes the thinking abilities of people, especially young people. Researches have shown that 4 out of 10 teenagers who use phones more than 3 hours per day have a lower IQ than others. Secondly, because of the fantastic internet world without realistic actions, people can easily create a perfect image of their own to show of it on purpose, which results in the frustration of both once they met in real life. For example, a girl that wants to be more attractive can use a different profile picture for a social app just to get the attention of other boys. Sadly, when they get to meet each other, there will be a surprise or even disappointment for both which can harm the real-life relationship. Moreover, taking the advantages of the internet, some swindlers may fool the naive teenagers while chatting online to get money, private information or some terrible things such as naked or pornographic photos.

Fortunately, some measures can fight back to encourage teenagers to spend more time to meet people in person. Schools and youth centres should celebrate more and more outdoor activities for students such as camping, matching couple games, extracurricular activities... which enhances the real-life relationships of teenagers. Education plays a crucial roll in the awareness of young people if teachers can explain to them the negative effects of meeting online and also encourage teenagers to participate in realistic activities.

In conclusion, using socialising online too much has some disadvantages which not only harm the real-life relationship but also the health of people. However, we still have a way to fight back.
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