Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by juliachung
Name: Anh Thu
Joined: Mar 14, 2021
Last Post: Mar 23, 2021
Threads: 3
Posts: 10  

From: Vietnam
School: Western Sydney University

Displayed posts: 13
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
juliachung   
Mar 23, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH POLITICAL ACTIONS TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING [6]

I am sorry that I forgot to put the question in my thread.
The topic is: Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action to control excessive consumerism and pollution. Do you agree?

And I used the word "Admittedly" because I wanted to paraphrase the question since it said climate change is an accepted threat so I thought it would be fine to use that word. I will keep in mind this and will learn to minimize my sentences and improve my writing format to not making the same mistakes again. Thank you for your help sir.
juliachung   
Mar 23, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH POLITICAL ACTIONS TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING [6]

I am so sorry. You told me to stop over explaining sentences so I have tried to not doing it this time. I thought the point of the question was to prove if the government has not have enough actions to control those two problems or not. I did not know that it needs solutions too. I am sorry but I did take your advice seriously about stop expanding sentences. I will do better and more careful next time.
juliachung   
Mar 21, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH POLITICAL ACTIONS TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING [6]

global warming and insufficient involvement from the government



Admittedly, global warming is known as an inevitable problem to the earth yet some argue that there is inadequate force to mitigate the overconsumption and contamination to the environment. I personally agree with this statement as there are numerous factories emitting noxious smoke and people still using too much plastic.

The enormous use of plastic is one of the main causes of climate change but has not suffered from proper prohibitive policy. Plastic goods require about 450 years to decompose but are still being used for daily purposes and are thrown away after a single consumption to purchase new ones. According to a biological center, Americans consume 100 billion plastic bags per year, which require 12 million barrels of oils to manufacture. Despite this, plastic products are still being produced and sold with a large amount for a cheaper price without being levied with a high tax.

Furthermore, pollution caused by toxic exhaust fumes of factories have not received enough strict action from the government. There are many industrial plants such as chemical and nuclear plants that are still exhausting tonnes of smoke into the atmosphere and waste into the ocean. For example, the Formosa factory in Vietnam had received complaints from the local residents about its contamination to the water source and the impact on animal and people's health. However, the government did not enact a satisfactory penalty for the factory and it is allowed to operate after all.

In conclusion, the excessive consumption of plastics and the pollution from factories are two of the main causes of global warming. Nonetheless, there is insufficient involvement from the government to ease these alarming issues.
juliachung   
Mar 20, 2021
Writing Feedback / iELTS essay about the internet which has brought significant changes to our lives in recent years [4]

Hi friend,
I have taught that we should avoid using generalization in the essay. "nobody can deny the fact that" - this part and some other parts might lower your score since you affirm that everybody agrees with this without verified evidence is very dangerous. You should state drawbacks and benefits but then compare both and gives reasons why the internet is beneficial despite the given drawbacks.
juliachung   
Mar 20, 2021
Writing Feedback / The graph below shows UK acid rain emissions, measured in million tonnes from four different sectors [5]

Hi friend,
"which were at around 2.1 and 0.7 million tonnes respectively" I think the word "at" is redundant in here. "were around..." is enough and "respectively" should be separated from the rest by a comma."

Due to my past mistakes in task 1, I was suggested to add more comparisons in the body instead of listing it only and I think it might be useful for you too. Great task by the way!
juliachung   
Mar 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that owning a home is more important than renting one. [3]

Hi friend, firstly, I believe to get a higher band, your introduction should be paraphrased, not copied from the question. Also, there should be an outline in your introduction to have a brief about what your readers are going to read in the body.

Secondly, I think what the question wants to ask is why IN SOME COUNTRIES, owing a home is more important than renting one. Maybe the reason why you don't meet the required word count is because you missed that point. You can give examples about some countries that the citizens prioritize having their own home more than renting it and explain why. Good luck!
juliachung   
Mar 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / Museums and art galleries are not needed today, because of technology [3]

Hi Long231312, I think there has been an unclear idea in your statement. Although you claim to be partially agreement to the advance of technology only, you provide words and ideas that make people confused whether which side you are on.

Some points were explained too short even though they need further supports while a few ideas were redundant from the argument.
I am not an expert, just a friend suggests you to make your ideas clearer to prove which side you agree on. Good luck!
juliachung   
Mar 18, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES WHEN MOVING TO NEW PLACES AND STRATEGIES [2]

TOPIC:

People today move to new cities or new countries more than ever before.


What challenges do they experience? What strategies are there to meet these challenges?

Recently, the immigration of people to other cities or nations has been increasing more than it previously had. By moving out of their familiar zones, it is inevitable to have obstacles such as differences in culture and climate and can suffer loneliness. However, these problems can be mitigated by doing research about the destinations and joining clubs or associations to make friends.

It is known that various places have different cultures which can cause culture shock due to relatively contrary lifestyles. For example, the two continents that have almost opposed cultures are Asia and America. To elaborate, Asian often care about the tradition of the country and also treasure family bonding time whereas the Western is more independent and usually does not have many rituals to abide by. One of the numerous strategies that can be dealt with this disparity is to research about the place's history and background story before going so as to have better preparation and can help adapt to the culture easier.

Besides, there are other challenges such as the lonesomeness as well as a possibly contrasting climate from what they experience in their hometown. Firstly, people might leave their friends and families to be alone in completely new cities or countries which can lead to homesickness and loneliness. However, there are usually clubs or associations to join in order to make friends and create relationships. For instance, for foreign students, there are associations namely IDP which can assist overseas students to be accustomed to the new environment better. Furthermore, the variant weather can affect people's health if they are not adapted to it. Hence, similar to the culture, the climate should be checked prior to the migration in order to avoid unnecessary health issues.

In conclusion, emigrating to another place has occurred more lately. Undoubtedly, there are challenges such as dissimilar culture and environment and feeling lonely. As a result, people should prepare themselves carefully and be more socialized to not be isolated in a different area.

I hope my essay is not too long this time. I wrote this in 40 mins.
juliachung   
Mar 14, 2021
Writing Feedback / Fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages? [4]

Hi @grassil, I think you have misunderstood the main point of the question. It is to prove which side outweighs the other, not to list both sides and give your opinion. However, here is my advice to your essay.

"...THAT FAST FOOD IS BECOMING CHEAPER AND MORE WIDELY AVAILABLE"
I believe this phrase should be paraphrased in order to receive a higher score. You may find synonyms for the word "cheaper" and "available" or you can change the structure of the sentence ;)

Then, for the rest of the essay, you can double check your grammar since there are several mistakes along the work.

Good luck Grassil! Stay safe!
juliachung   
Mar 14, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; The rate of employed British people based on genders in various working fields in 2005 [3]

EMPLOYMENT OF ALL MALE AND FEMALE WORKERS BY OCCUPATION IN THE UK IN 2005



The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph provides the rate of employed British people based on genders in various working fields in 2005. Overall, men took part mostly in technical and required special training careers, whereas women are more favorable in customer service-related professions and working in office.

For high technical skilled jobs, most of the occupations were dominant by males except for associate professional and technical as women were slightly more than men by 2%. In skilled trades, the figure was different among genders, only 2% of working women compared to 20% of that in men. Similarly, for process, plant and machine operatives, the corresponding proportions were around 2% and more than 12%. In comparison, the percentage of women participated in manager and senior officials as well as professional occupations were less significant, at 11%.

In administrative and secretarial areas, on the other hand, had an outbreak in the number of female workers with 22% which was nearly 5 times greater than that of males. Likewise, sales and customer service and personal service experienced the same difference in the number of genders, since the ratio of women to men in the latter is approximately 7 to 1 and for the former, the percentage were 12% in females and about 5 % in males. Laborers and caterers careers are relatively balanced in gender.