Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Ninja
Joined: Oct 25, 2009
Last Post: Nov 6, 2009
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
From: China

Displayed posts: 11
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Ninja   
Nov 6, 2009
Undergraduate / 'IMGD program / Testing games' - Short Answer on Common App + WPI [3]

Hi everyone I would like to thank you in advance for taking a look at my essay! THESE SHORT ANSWERS NEED UR HELP!
1, the word limit for the WPI short answer is 650 letters. I feel that I still have redundancy here but I don't know what to do with it.

===WPI SHORT ANSWER===
PROMPT: HOW DID YOU BECOME INTERESTED IN WPI?
ANSWER:

My heart raced the minute I saw the IMGD program. In my research of the exat major in top universities' curriculum, WPI is the only one to list it as a specialized subject. Exploring the website, I know that I can satisfy my apetite to enhance my creativity in this field that I am fanantically passionate about and learn from experts and, hence, to succeed. "Awesome!" As I browsed through the programs and students' blogs, I couldn't help feeling so lucky that I found an ideal place to enrich my undergraduate experience. Talking to a student, Matt, I was influenced by his love for this school. Now I'm ready, too, to spread the WPI passion.

THE ABOVE IS ALMOST 650 CHAR.

===COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER==
PROMPT:PLEASE ELABORATE ON ONE OF YOUR ACTIVITIES (JOB,HOBBY,ETC)
WORD LIMIT:150 WORDS
ANSWER:

I would describe my job of testing newly developed games "extremely valuable". Fantasy has always been an inspiring source for my mind, and as a matter of fact, a game is an extraordinary combination of story-telling and puzzle-solving. I love games because my thoughts often pass through a wide range of space, and it never fails to give me a sense of accomplishment when resolve a myth. To make things better, every game is a time machine, transporting the player from one era to another. A minute ago I was a high school student, the next minute I become a Queen, who rules angels and dragons in her troops, challenges the empire and rides out for battles to save the world. Finally, vivid background and character setting prepare the experience to be highly authentic, making every game a surprising journey full of adventures.

============================================================ ======
I really appreciate your help! Please take a look at these short answers and fix them as you feel apropriate!! I'll fix yours back! Thank you!

Ninja
Ninja   
Nov 5, 2009
Undergraduate / "a helping hand" college essay [10]

This essay really moved me. I am as hard on myself, too. However, may I revise a few sentence for you :
A viral meningitis encephalitis
If this is the disease/illness' name, I suggest you to capitalize V,M and E
B I couldn't bare to see what he could become: a vegetable
I'm assuming that you don't really mean a transformation, human to vegetable. Find the proper word on the internet to describe such patient.

Things were getting progressively worse
Use gradually to replace progressively or to eliminate "progressively"
i realized the one who benefits from service the most is myself so your statement in paragraph1 stands.

Finally I hope your brother gets better; good luck to your admission :D
Ninja   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / "True love" - UC undergrad admission personal statement [3]

True love: the one quality that many are incapable of experiencing in today's modern world

It's great to see your theme kicks off the essay. But it is not a sentence. Please insert "is" to replace the ":" :D

Abt second sentence:
People have been indoctrinated by the illusions that television shows, the media and music display
Personally I think this will create an illusion that you are referring to general media. May be add a few adjectives like "biased" "exaggerated" there.

Since love is loyal, it purchases one who is loyal,
I don't really understand this sentence....

Well, overall I would say that you definitely brought something special to the table and I can feel that it's very authentic. Your experience is unique. You still need to fix a couple more times so it's easy to understand though. :D Good luck on your admission to UC!
Ninja   
Nov 2, 2009
Letters / SPECIAL: A documentation explaining my homeschooled background. [7]

Thank you Sean! I have written my list into an essay. Now... I'm having a little problem editting #1 because I couldn't find the "edit" button. I'm going to post my new essay right here and I'll organzie the thread when I figure out how to edit #1 :D

For this essay any suggestion is welcomed lol
===========================
Why Distant School
To whom it may concern:
I am writing this essay to explain why I am attending Forest Trail Academy, a distant school for my senior year. Dalian Maple Leaf International School was my high school until the academic year of 2009-2010. My decision was based on acedemic interest, financial situation and state response.

First of all, I would stress that I have absorbed as much as I could in Dalian Maple Leaf International School. As a student, I have always treated my teachers and peers with respect and have never been charged because of a violation of disciplinary. However, I didn't find school's curriculum satisfactory. My family live on a key college's campus, and I felt that I could take full advantage of it and do more challenging work on the campus. For example, one of my interests is International Relations. Compared to a typical class composed of reading outdated history textbook over and over again, a live speech from an ambassador is more appealing to me. In fact, because the college campus has a special program called the ambassador forum,I get to attend symposiums of many accomplished ambassadors and engage myself asking question directly to them and acquire the most updated knowledge. Besides activities relating to international relations, I also participate as a lab assistant in a graduate class, studying biology (mircro-organism), my favorite science subject. In addition, I used to play as a member in girl's soccer club in my previous high school, now I'm recruited in the college's badminton team. Lastly, because I'm enrolled in a distant school, I am also taking eight honor courses so I can definitely say that I didn't give up anything.

Secondly, financial situation was also a factor for me to enroll in Forest Trail Academy instead of continuing in Dalian Maple Leaf International School. A cumulative amount of fees per year in DMLIS is 50,000RMB,approximately 7,000USD which is a huge burden for my family. Knowing that I can learn more and also affordably in ShandongUniversity and Forest Trail Academy, my family has decided to save half of that tuition fee to pay for my college education.

Lastly, state response was also a reason of my choice of distant schooling. At the end of acedmic year 2008-2009, the head of DMLIS has decided to split it up the school to girls and boys campuses separately. It was rather a rush decision for me given the fact that the school didn't ask for parents' opinion, and it's something that has first been done in the school's history. Moreover, a fire in September in the girl campus and a few construction poison incidents in the new campus aroused my safety concern. Considering these facts, I have decided not to return to the divided school.

To conclude, I understand that I have an unusual educational background. It's true that in my life, I have attended public regular school, Foreign Language School, Private International school and Distant School. In contrast of thinking it might be a downside for me, I would like to think that my background is meaningful because my experience can be valuable to offer.
Ninja   
Nov 2, 2009
Undergraduate / "It's a Sign" + " Artistic Interpretation" [4]

Kevin: Thank you for looking at my essay! (And liking my name lol)
First,I'm sorry about my comments. I understand your concern; you are right, I should make an effort giving more suggestions to people. I'm glad that you pointed that out, I might be less confident about my English and my comments were probably limited to a few notions to the themes. I will do my best giving authentic critique in the future, and thank you again for reminding me this :D

Secondly,I still want to thank you! You gave great advice! However, may I explain my "it" in these two essays? :)
In "This Is A Sign", the "it" seems to be vague and now I understand that it should be fixed. My main idea is through a humble experience, I have learned how to understand and help those in need. I should've probably made my statement clear in the first paragraph, but I would like to keep it subtle, after all, the discovery of the physically challenged people was a surprise. So under this circumstance, what do you suggest me to change about the structure?

Well, for the second piece, you are right. The "it" is persistence. I interpreted perssistence of an artist as both commitment and patience. In the second paragraph I elaborated about "commitment" and in the third paragraph I elaborated about "patience". The word appeared in both the first and second paragraphs. In the last paragraph it comes as "persistently". :D

Kevin, I would to thank you again for looking at my essay and giving me great suggestions on posting in this forum. Hope to hear from you again。

^_^
Ninja   
Oct 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "It's a Sign" + " Artistic Interpretation" [4]

Thank you for reading this everyone. One of the following essays will be my main essay on Common App, and the other will be a supplement. FIRST of all I welcome your opinion:which should be the main? SECOND I would love any help on this essay. I finished my first fix and I will post a new version as soon as any apropriate recommendation is made. Thank you again. If you want to talk to me about the essay via email, my address is debraluby@gmail.com.

Throw as much of your opinions as possible lol

====================================================
It is a Sign

Today Ms Wang summoned me to her office. After three weeks of cleaning the toilet and changing water at the Welfare Center in the residential at the Wenbi Peak, I was assigned a new job taking care of a group of elderly. " They are pretty hard to communicate with, so please do your best."

"I got it."
Communication was not a problem,I thought, believed that there is a common language in the world, music. If there is one thing that I have learned from my family reunions on Chinese holidays, that is old people love classical music. Therefore I prepared three tracks of ancient Chinese music with Guzheng, my beloved instrument. The next day I carried my Guzheng to the Welfare Center and even bought a ticket for it for its enormous size on the bus. Looked down on the watch, I realized that I have arrived earlier than Ms Wang. Her assistant told me that the group was having breakfast in the dining hall. I went there and bowed, pleased to see that people smiled when they saw me. However, it surprised me when I announced that I was going to play some music for them, no one responded. Then I sat down behind my Guzheng, and started to play my granny's favorite, Yu Zhou Chang Wan, a piece of music that is named after the work of a ancient Chinese poet, Wang Bo, known for its ease and smoothness.

The dining hall was serene and silent after my performance. Honestly, it was difficult to tell wether the quietness meant the crowd was stunned or indifferent. Looked up, I found that people showed their respect. They put down their chopsticks and napkins, and smiled politely at me, but there was no feedback. The second piece was Mountain Torrent, composed of joyfulness and flowing rhym. " What do you think of this one?" I asked my audience but still didn't hear from them. Eventually, as I was confused I stood up, I was welcomed by an outbreak of applause.

When I reported this phenomenon to Ms Wang, she showed trepidation. "How could you do that? They are deaf and mute!"
It was too astonishing and embarrasing. At that very moment I understood the absence of comments and the abrupt acclaim to the end. I realized that my audience clapped because they saw me stood up and assumed the performance was over. The idea of me insulting them with sound, twice, bothered me so much that I felt my face and ears burning and humiliation penetrating through my skin in every direction. The excruciation still comes back when I recall this experience today. Back to that Winter, I asked Ms Wang to find another volunteer to substitute me for a week. When I returned home, I turned on the television and look for a channel that has never been displayed more than two minutes in my house, the television channel which has a box at the right hand corner on the screen, displaying a lady talking with her hands.

"What is she doing?"
When I first discovered this television channel, I asked my mother.
"She is speaking with her hand. It's called Sign Language."
"Cool! Is it like Quenya, the elvish language in the Lord Of The Rings?"
"Let's just say it's for the elves who cannot speak or hear."
When I finally found that channel, I locked myself to it for a longtime, learning Sign Language by observing the motion of hands and images displayed on the screen. At first I studied simple words like weathers, and in the following days I stayed to watch news in Sign Language. As I progressed, I found that Sign Language is a hard subject, and it takes courage to face such disabilities like being deaf and mute. Like many people, I didn't pay any attention to this channel that is designed specially for physically challenged people, and now I wish that there are more facilities for this group. Not just people who have to sense the world via Sign Language, but any person with disabilities. In the mean time I realized that there are people who suffer from worse misfortune and need to be taken care of. It was my firm determination to help out those need a hand since that experience.And for that particular day, as least I could do was return to the Welfare Center and make up to what I have done.

Although I can barely tell stories and answer questions with simple sentence and "yes" and "no",we had a great time this time.

=================================================
I think the most important thing about an artist is persistence. Artworks last because the passion evoked by artist echoes eternally. In the past few years, it has come to my realization that my persistence can be interpreted as both commitment and patience.

Alanis Morissette, a Canadian-American singer believes: I try to keep a low profile in general. Not with my art, but just as a person. This famous saying has a huge impact on me. Before I get to know about this commited singer, I kept low profile for both myself and my arts. Rarely publish artworks on artistic magazines or attend grand art shows, I found it difficult to communicate about conceptions with my appreciators. It was the summer of 2008 when I decided that I should be more commited about my arts. Luckily, living on a dynamic campus of a famous University gave me useful informations about artistic opportunities. Talking to an art student at the University, I found that the national Korean Language texbook to be published by the Beijing Press in 2009needs illustration. The editor of this textbook work on campus; he told me that "the work will keep any art student hectic for a month."

"I have faith in my arts." I replied, also realizing that if I want to illustrate for the textbook, I have to compete with more than 270 art students who crave to work on the same project to build a bright undergraduate resume. Returned from the editor's office, I sat in front of my desk for a long time, sorting out my outstanding drawings from different respective areas: Acrylic,Sketch andTraditional Chinese Painting. I was harsh enough to pick just seven pieces. Anxiety was like coffeine which kept me sleepless, so I woke up and started a new piece of digital art. Although I wasn't too surprised when my collection blew the editor away, my palm sweated when he told me that I've got the job and the project required thirty seven pages of illustrations. A bigger challenge, but I loved it. My job of illustration kept me occupied and strained for most of the summer. What's more memorable about the job is that it helped me become a more commited artist by reminding me that I have to keep a consistant style and contour in one package. By the time September approached, I knew that when the textbook is issued it will not be just a book on my nightstand.

However, my boldness and commitment about arts are not always paid off, and that's how I learned that persistence also represents patience. It all started as a little whim. Too much movies of La Môme and Pollock made me radical when persuing my goal, and I was going out of my ways to let people notice my artistic interpretations. I started to build a mobile buildboard with my paintings on it, and installed four wheels so I can drag it along the street.The slogan on the board called out for participation in a neoteric art society. I even packed my suitcase and cash and left home for three days for this recruitment. In those days I walked a number of lonely parades, which drew plenty of attention from passersby but attracted no new membership. At the end of my third day, starved and unshowered, I abandoned my buildboard in a bush at the beach and forced myself to sat down and reflect. Then I had to conclude that my art was innocent, but my manner was fallacious. What's more, I would never expect that it was the fine for my discard of a giant buildboard that sent me home. Nevertheless, I did harvest from this experience. I gained appreciation for my parents, who still accepted me after I demonstrated full impetuous behaviours. The whole experience also enlightened me that I am not supposed to rush art . I should be patient and earn my recognition as a result of devoted effort.

Succeeded and failed, I have learned in the most humble way that I should cultivate my commitment and patience in order to be an artist that persistently produce amazing works. And I truly believe myself become a great artist someday.

==========================================================

Thank you again!
Looking forward to hearing from you!

--Luby Meng --
Ninja   
Oct 26, 2009
Letters / SPECIAL: A documentation explaining my homeschooled background. [7]

It's a distant private school. I'm going to a distant school only in my senior year, and it's still homeschooling. So choosing the DISTANT private school over my previous private school explains why did I choose homeschool. In college admission it requires a "document" so I don't know if an essay composed of paragraphs is apropriate. If you are sure that paragraphs are better than ABC points I will certainly change them. Thank you
Ninja   
Oct 25, 2009
Letters / SPECIAL: A documentation explaining my homeschooled background. [7]

Hey guys Thank you for reading this! Because of many reasons I've decided to homeschool for my senior year. I apply for a college in United States and a self explaining document for my background is necessary. English, however, is not my first language, thus I hope you can help me look at this. For example I welcome suggestions on the format, sentence structures. And I don't know if this overall is apropriate for the admission office, I've tried to be objective.Thank you very much! I really appreciate it.

Why Distant School
* This examination is here to explain why I choose Forest Trail Academy, a distant private school located in Florida over a private school in a remote area of China.

I believe that I have made the right choice and I'm happy being what I am now. I have given full consideration and anticipation before I left Dlian Maple Leaf International School.

A. I evaluated the value of both institutions.
Objectively, Dalian Maple Leaf International School is one of the most prestigious highschool in mainland China. It is one of the first international school collaborating with a North American Country in China.

However, this school now has a population of 800 per grade, which makes it more like a public school.

Forest Trail Academy is also an awarded and accredited distant private school. However,I did not knew about it untill 2009.

My parents are both teachers of one of the best University, Shandong University- Weihai Campus. We live on the campus.
I have been attending University symposiums before high school.
B. I knew that I am qualified for college level work if only I can master the work of high school.
In my two years of study in DMLIS, I have achieved the entrance of Zhouenlai Class, AKA the only honor class in the entire school.

I have also achieve the entrance of the International Class which was a chance of attending an accelerated class for students whose native language is English. My entrance was an exception because English was not my first language.

*Less than 10 people have ever achieved of being admitted into both classes.

C.
A year of tuition fee in DMLIS costs approximately 46,000 RMB where Forest Trail Academy costs less than 17,000 RMB.
I understand that my parents have sacrificed a lot both financially and emotionally sending me to an expensive distant boarding school. I also understand that to save some money now can help reduce the huge pressure of my family and gain a better entrance opportunity to any college with a need-based financial aid plan.

Looking forward to participating in a more rigorous class which is cheaper and doing college level work for free, I finally decided to leave the international school.

D.Safety Concerns
Health concern was a problem for many students of my previous institution, Dalian Maple Leaf International School, a boarding school in a remote area of rural China.

In 2009, DMLIS has officially divided itself into two campuses (boys' and girls'), which was something the school has never done before. To me it means that there is no experience generated guarantee in the follwing year's education. Because it has a history of not telling the junior grade students' parents that the junior grade is not co-ed anymore until the school day begins last year, I figured that the decision of the official split is not a good one either.

*The following comes as an aftermath but also a proof of my correct anticipation.
These facts has been reported to "315" , a Chinese official Consumer Protection Compliant institution by a student's family:1, On the second day of the school year 2009-2010, the girl's campus had a big fire due to the poor construction. 2, In the newly built girl's campus there is still construcion emission remaining. Several students were poisoned but were told by the school not to release this information. A student who knew this asked a lawyer to post this information on "315" website via legal procedure.

Above considerations explain why I chose distant school.

Luby Meng
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳