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Posts by Penelopee
Name: Giang
Joined: Jun 29, 2021
Last Post: Jul 2, 2021
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
Likes: 2
From: Viet Nam
School: Hanoi University

Displayed posts: 8
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Penelopee   
Jul 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Some people think studying from the past offers no benefits to today's life, while others disagree [2]

the values of teaching history



History appears to be one of the immense values showing the spirit and life of each nation throughout the course of history. Nonetheless, the purposes of studying this subject is still controversial, sparking off a debate about whether history becomes useless in contemporary society or there is information which people should know by history. This essay will discuss these viewpoints and voice my opinion.

It is undeniable that there is the higher demand in emphasizing specific aspects rather than history in the modern life. Compared to some respects such as technology, science or economy which can decide on countries' development, history is stories in the past that are theoretical and have limited use for advanced society. Additionally, some anecdotes in history seems to be not plausible and accurate enough. This has left many controversies among scholars.

Nevertheless, there is a hold perception that history offers overwhelming advantages for people in today's world. First of all, people can perceive their origin and how their countries were changed and developed during distinct stages by learning history and reading historical materials. For instance, Vietnamese generally appreciate and feel proud bravery, achievements and unity of their ancestors throughout history. Simultaneously, when learning history and realize fault of the past, the same failing will be avoided, ensuring the development and safety of many countries in domestic and international issues.

To sum up, no matter how useless history can be in modern world, it still contains information which is useful for most people. From my perspective, history should be passed into subsequent generations in the light of it's immense values.

Do you think I can get 5.5 with this essay? Thanks for your help!
Penelopee   
Jul 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study [5]

Hi I have a feedback for your essay. Hope you feel helpful :)
You should not discuss what people think about this topic. It is just a fact. The main discussion in your essay should be your personal opinion on this topic.

In the third passage, you should use more collocations, academic words and flexible expressions such as " The More...the more", "By this way,...", "It is undeniable that..." so that your essay will be longer and deeeper.

In the last line, you should paraphrase the main idea of your essay without changing the meaning.
Penelopee   
Jul 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Smoking is on the increase among young people. Discuss the problem. [3]

In the first passage, you should avoid repeating words used in previous lines. You should use more synonyms and express flexibly.
In my opinion, the second and third passages are good. I think you must have read many information and evidence. However, you should use words which are more academic.

In the last passage, you should replace "Futhermore" with " Therefore" or "Hence" in order to create a link between ideas. The solutions you offered should be more general. not more detail because this passage is the summary of your essay.
Penelopee   
Jul 1, 2021
Writing Feedback / High income is far more significant than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? [2]

Big salary or job satisfaction and why



Career, which plays a vital role in living condition, is generally a common concern of most individuals. There is a hold perception that compared to finding a pleasure in the job, high income is far more significant. Personally, I totally disagree with this point of view.

In my opinion, essential though well-paid jobs can be, getting a sense of dissatisfaction in working possibly make people stressed and feel challenging to keep performing routine duties without interest. This can leave the low performance in workplaces. Making no contribution to company, and this will spoil the chance of getting ahead in career and increasing a source of income.

By contrast, a feeling of contentment in career possibly offer overwhelming advantages to people. First and foremost, when feeling eager for their job, people will have a strong motivation for managing the heavy workload during limited time. They can be successful problem-solvers who can be adaptable to enormous pressure and overcome the difficulties. Additionally, individuals are satisfied with their work and willing to work with greater productivity, giving rise to performance of the company. By this way, they appear to win promotion opportunities and have stable income. Apart from working advantages, people's emotion can be much more optimistic and positive rather than feeling depressed or competitive as they can assume their daily duty as their satisfaction.

To sum up, I firmly convince that this viewpoint is completely wrong. Having satisfaction in career is far more necessary than gaining high source of income.
Penelopee   
Jul 1, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The changes in ownership of electrical appliances [3]

The passage summarising the whole content of your essay should be shorter, about 2 lines can be good. Before writing the summary, there should be a line introducing the name of the graph.

In the third passage, you should divide 3 aspects into 3 passages clearly with lliking words like " Turning to", "As regards" or " Regarding". You showed clearly the stage of each aspect with obvious figures. However, in the last line of the third passage, you made mistakes related to grammar. "Witnessed" should be changed into "witnessing" since it is active voice and "a minimally decline" should be changed into " a minimal decline" or " a fractional drop/ fall".

That is my feedback. Hope you feel useful. Have a good day :)
Penelopee   
Jul 1, 2021
Writing Feedback / [IELTS 1] The graphs show the differences between enrolments of overseas students and local students [3]

In the first line, you should paraphrase the key words and express the information more flexibly. You can replace the word "show" by using others like "clarify", "reveal" . Moreover, you should clearly show graphs are the "Line Graphs". There is a lack of time/period and area/location in your first line.

In the second passage, you should use the word like "To sum up" or "In conclusion" rather than "First of all" to summarize the while content of your essay.

In the third passage, You should divide "Local students" and "Overseas students" into 2 seperate passages. In addition, you should not repeat the expression which you used in previous line. Instead, you shoud use the flexible transition such as "Turning to", "As regards" or " With preference to" in order to create the cohesion in your essay. When mentioning any period or single year, you should give the clear figures to prove the information.

In the task 1 Ielts Writing, you only need to write the summary once.
That is my feedback. Hope you feel useful. Have a good day :)
Penelopee   
Jun 30, 2021
Writing Feedback / Some say that pupils should be required to join in voluntary work in order to raise living standards [3]

"unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school program"



In high schools, there are numerous activities, which generally play a vital role in enhancing students' quality and broadening their experience. There is a hold perception that pupils should be required to join in voluntary work in order to raise living standards. Personally, I am greatly in favor of this point of view.

In my opinion, important though studying will be, children will have no practical experience without doing charity work. Moreover, their social skills, including communication or teamwork, tend to be limited in the light of they are less likely to do something useful for society.

Compared to those who have less opportunities to do unpaid community service, pupils making contribution to society free of charge generally gain more benefits. First and foremost, when joining in voluntary work such as doing charity or helping those in need, students possibly realize how lucky they are, teaching them learn how to appreciate their living conditions. Nowadays, many large companies appear to recruit applicants having both work experience and activities to help community. In order to boost students' employment prospects in the future, they should be required to involve in unpaid community service. More importantly, students' willingness to provide community with support free of charge, and this will shape civilized society and bring about social unity. This possibly leaves the better lives and opportunities for the disadvantaged. For instance, many children coming from remote areas was offered education and medical services thanks to voluntary work in Vietnam.

To sum up, I firmly convince that mandatory activities in high schools should include unpaid community service for students.
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