Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study


needtoimprove 1 / 2  
Jun 29, 2021   #1

IELTS TASK 2 - remote work or study



It is true that many people prefer to think that work and study from home is a negative develoment. While nobody can deny the negative affect it brings to us, however, I complete agree that work and study from home is a positive development.

There are two main reasons why many people think it is a negative development. One reason is that we can lose focus from our work. For example, if you are a student and you are writing the essay for your study, the notifications from the social media will distract you from writing your essay. Furthermore, you can immerse yourself in the virtual life and it will have many serious consequences like you will not spend your time for your family or you will isolate yourself from everyone around you.

Apart from the practical negative points expressed above, I believe that work and study from home is a positive development. Firstly, in the period of the outbreak of Covid-19, work and study from home is very important. If you do not accept the government regulations of social-distancing, it will be dangerous for you and the people around. Secondly, work and study from home can make us feel more comfortable when we work or study. For example, employee can take a rest as soon as they finish their work and do not feel annoying when they need to do the extra work for their boss.

In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that work and study from home is a positive development
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,560 4442  
Jun 30, 2021   #2
Do not make any claims about the truth of a particular stance in the essay. The presentation does not require such a reference. Neither is it a discussion requirement. All that does is change the actual discussion topic and opinion presentation method. The essay now does not meet the discussion requirements as required. All of these led to a failing TA score for the essay. Kindly avoid over- exaggerating the response as well. A simple statement of :

This may be considered a positive development

would have sufficed as the single opinion presentation. As there was no extent response indicator in the original presentation, adding such a sentiment to your response will not be helping your score as it does not factor into the scoring consideration.

The negative discussion in this essay is another non-scoring presentation. The scores will only be provided for the paragraph that offers a supporting statement to the given discussion. Since only one supporting reason is provided, this presentation will receive a score based on an incomplete reasoning presentation.
OP needtoimprove 1 / 2  
Jun 30, 2021   #3
@Holt Thanks so much for your feedback <3 ! But can I get 5.5 for this :< ?
Penelopee 3 / 5 2  
Jul 2, 2021   #4
Hi I have a feedback for your essay. Hope you feel helpful :)
You should not discuss what people think about this topic. It is just a fact. The main discussion in your essay should be your personal opinion on this topic.

In the third passage, you should use more collocations, academic words and flexible expressions such as " The More...the more", "By this way,...", "It is undeniable that..." so that your essay will be longer and deeeper.

In the last line, you should paraphrase the main idea of your essay without changing the meaning.
OP needtoimprove 1 / 2  
Jul 3, 2021   #5
@Penelopee Thanks so much for your feedback <3


Home / Writing Feedback / Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study