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Posts by pennhopefull
Joined: Oct 29, 2009
Last Post: Dec 29, 2009
Threads: 5
Posts: 18  

Displayed posts: 23
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pennhopefull   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Dangerously High Risk Essay: Yale & Brown [20]

Once again thank you.
I am not debating the fact that it has been read or that it is known. I am not claiming to be a pioneer in this style of essay writing. I am merely suggesting that ALTHOUGH THE STYLES ARE SIMILAR. The substance is different.
pennhopefull   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Dangerously High Risk Essay: Yale & Brown [20]

Thank you once again.

I understand what you folks are trying to say. Yes, I have read the essay by Hugh Gallagher it is what probed me to write a unique yet similar essay. I in no way copied his ideas [[in my revised version, I deleted the comment about private citizens]] I only drew a parallel structure to the style he used. Don't we all use similar styles? Countless collegebound seniors have written about their parent's addiction, childhood dreams and future careers. How is this different? I copied a style which contradicts the prompt yet answers it, hopefully in a bit of a humorous sense.

These were original ideas and original sentences, similarity in a type of writing cannot and should not invalidate a good piece of literature.
pennhopefull   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / What don't you know?- Brown Supplement! [7]

haha, definelty a cool essay...just think that at one spot 'Him' the h is capitilized...shouldn't it be lowercase. Well its god we're talking about so who knows?
pennhopefull   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Dangerously High Risk Essay: Yale & Brown [20]

wow thank you for your input. I don't intend to change it, as I am not so particular about Brown and Yale (not so much but still lol). I will now try to respond to your essays!
pennhopefull   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Dangerously High Risk Essay: Yale & Brown [20]

This is Brown's prompt, however, I decided to send it as a second essay to Yale as well.

Prompt: French novelist Anatole France wrote: "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't." What don't you know?

Under my belt I posses fourteen years of mind boggling education, experience gained from interacting with various cultures and skills acquired over the years from many precarious trips to the ant infested forests of the Amazon. Yet, I have come to realize I do not know many things.

I have performed on Broadway, negotiated with the mafia and have survived high school but I don't know if I will get into Yale University. I believe I will live till 2011, but I don't know if the world will end in 2012. I have been known to study the intricacies of coffee beans from Starbucks, but I don't know why I don't drink coffee. I have built flying cars, lunar modules and self-propelling hover crafts with my bare hands, but I am still confused why I walk to school.

I have disproved Newton, fought with Edison and trumped Einstein (all at once) but I am still confused at my 'B' in Calculus. I do not sleep, but I am cannot explain why my eyelids close for hours at a time at night. I am a certified connoisseur in Paris and a registered cognoscente in Amsterdam, but I am not sure why I can only appreciate the taste of a McDonald's double cheeseburger. I played for the Los Angeles Lakers, New England Patriots and St.Louis Cardinals but I don't know why I am picked last for every sport in gym. I am a private citizen but I get migraines wondering why I get fan mail.

My teachers like me, my friends adore me and my enemies love me but I cannot explain why my house is always egged on Halloween. I am an eloquent raconteur, fluent narrator and a facile speaker yet I do not know any stories. I once climbed Mt. Kilamanjaro, Mt. McKinley and Mt. Everest on the same day but did not know how to prove it. I go to my school for extra help on Sundays but I don't know why the doors are always closed. I have traveled the world many times but I am not sure why I did not pick up any souvenirs.

I recently realized we use Bears and Bulls to characterize our stock markets, but I don't know what happened to the Sox and Cubs. I won the Pulitzer Prize for my plethora of publications but I don't know how to write a college admissions essay. I am a virtuoso violinist, an adept guitarist and a deft dancer but I am not sure why I did not pursue a career in the arts.

I don't know many things but, I do know that my admission ticket to Yale is in your hands.
pennhopefull   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / UPenn - (page 217) grammar? [7]

Haha, nice essay, like the ending especially. But, how does the first paragraph tie into the second? Maybe talk a bit more about Angelica...for example, write something about her going to college, maybe her going to penn etc.
pennhopefull   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Arts & Sciences -- Interests [7]

wow, thank you! you're editing helped in a few spots, i realize that they can be better worded. thanks again!
pennhopefull   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell Arts & Sciences -- Interests [7]

Cornell Interest Essay: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

"Ew! It looks disgusting!" shrieked an appalled classmate. His pale white face and dilated pupils were the epitome of fear. As he staggered backward, his peers followed suit, the line of students around me thinning. Despite my every intention to sprint, the shock of the situation anesthetized my legs. I could not budge. Although I have no proper recollection of the teacher summoning me, I still remember the icy sensation I felt as this fragile object eased into my hands. I was holding the heart of an Ovis aries. Or as it is more commonly known: Sheep. Almost immediately, the trauma I previously felt morphed into exhilaration. Did I really posses the most vital organ of the animal which I used to once count in my sleep?

Always believing science to involve objects of life, I was intrigued to later find out that only through the dead, did we find out more about the living. The prospect that organ, merely ten centimeters long and weighing approximately 179 grams, determines the existence of an organism amazed me and sowed the seeds of my burgeoning interest in science. Although I established an in-depth curiosity for science almost seven years ago, my interest in the intricate subject evolved drastically. I went from understanding the functions of a sheep's heart in 5th grade to attempting to regenerate Neural Stem Progenitor cells in a mouse's brain during my summers.

Science requires genuine interest, innovative thinking and willingness to take risks; for me, the possibility of practicing, researching and understanding science as an undergraduate can be compared to daredevil activities such as skydiving and bungee jumping because of the rush of excitement that shoots through my veins. This is not an excitement triggered by centrifuging chemicals, but an excitement triggered by the realization that these same chemicals may hold the cure for cancer, vaccination for HIV or the treatment for Parkinson's Disease.

The advent of explanations to our society's problems are embedded in scientific research; I believe that by utilizing opportunities such as the Hughes Scholar Program available at Cornell University, I can further delve my interest in science by expanding upon my previous research experiences. By taking advantage of such opportunities available as Biological Sciences major, I hope to further my interest and research in the field of medicine by collaborating on research being carried out at Cornell University. By meshing my interest in neurobiology with that of Professor Barbara Strupp, I believe that I can further my scientific curiosity at Cornell by testing lasting cognitive effects of prenatal cocaine exposure, through the use of a rat model to establish links to underlying neural mechanisms.

In conclusion, I believe that utilizing such opportunities as an undergraduate at Cornell will adequately prepare me for medical school, and for a profession as a cardiologist. While I hope to learn a great deal from my experiences at Cornell University and employ the resources available to further my knowledge of science, I also hope to contribute to its campus and partake in it's strive for excellence at all levels.
pennhopefull   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / 'expensive job training' - Yale supplement-- why us? [6]

^ I agree. It sounds a bit demeaning...and instead of:

"I can pursue not only my passion for music, but also my other, academic interests"

it could be: (sounds better)

"I can not only pursue my passion for music, but also my interest in academics"
pennhopefull   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Pg.217 UPenn Essay (Optional) [5]

Your opinion's + suggestions are welcome! (not to mention needed!!)

Essay:

...and it had arrived. After waiting precisely 46 days, six hours and eighteen minutes, the event that could change my life was in the grasp of my fingertips. The innumerable consequences of this instance fired through the neurons in my brain at inexplicable speeds; however, in the end I knew it came down to a simple "Yes" or "No". As I slowly brought my future closer to me, adrenaline pumped through every vein in my body, numbed the feeling in my hands and gripped my heart with shock. Memories flashed through my three pound brain, finally settling on a recollection of the day I visited the university. The University Of Pennsylvania.

"Hi, I am Vitul. I attend Penn, and will be happy to answer your question." Spoke the junior with genuine care and a dash of pride thrown in. From there, the conversation evolved from a typical college visit to a enthralling and full-fledged college experience. As he recounted his vivid experience of "Hey Day", relived his experience of the toast throwing experience during football games and talked of his excitement to experience "Ivy Day", I couldn't fail to notice the exhilaration radiating from his each word. It was then I realized, I wasn't in pursuit of just an Ivy education, but the "Ivy experience". It was then that I truly wanted to wear the Quaker red and blue. It was then that I knew Penn was where my passion had truly rested.

The placement of an intricately crafted snowflake on my skin brought me back to reality. As I observed the snow capped world around me, occasional wisps of air escaped my mouth only to dissipate in winter's inevitable icy grasp. As Vitul's words of wisdom of not doubting the experience at Penn reverberated in my head, I was frozen in place. As I clung on to the letter from The Office Of Undergraduate Admissions a little too tightly, I could feel the gentle yet rhythmically resounding beat of my heart in apprehension. As I hoped that my optional essay to Penn made an impact in my admissions factor, I slowly tore open the snow white envelope addressed to me with gently quivering hands.

"Dear Mr.*******
pennhopefull   
Nov 9, 2009
Undergraduate / Academic Community at UPenn [4]

thank you for your reply. I applied to UPenn however, this was my essay to them. If i dont get in ED to Penn, i am thinking of using this format however I will obviously change the details. What do you think of this essay? Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

As Benjamin Franklin has said "A man wrapped up in himself, makes a very small bundle". Since the establishment of the University of Pennsylvania in 1740, the university, and its founder, has always advocated the teaching of knowledge beyond the traditional boundaries of education. One of the ways this has been achieved is through the plethora of academic and social communities made available by the University of Pennsylvania.

The idea of high school students coming together from around the globe to save the world in 96 hours or less has always captivated my interest. Of all the academic communities that currently comprise this university, University of Pennsylvania Model United Nations is what I hold the greatest passion for. Having four years of familiarity with Model UN, I cannot wait to experience the thrill of hosting a conference as a Penn undergrad. The rush of excitement achieved through skydiving, bungee jumping or any other daredevil activity, shoots through my veins as I interact with Ethiopia on their view of malnourishment as a maturing problem. I believe that a simulated United Nations experience is as stimulating and essential as a college education. Not only does Model UN build an awareness of worldwide conditions, but it also makes students fill the roles of ambassadors and makes them strive to solve global predicaments. As a veteran delegate, I not only bring the experience and leadership earned from having participated in many national and international conferences, but also innovative ideas to incorporate into future conferences held by the University of Pennsylvania. In addition, I believe that if not everyone, at least the Penn community can incorporate the ideals of Model UN in their daily lives by striving to implement a mission of service to abet the impoverished in Philadelphia. Having witnessed the brutality of poverty in North Philadelphia during a community service project, I believe we, as individuals of Penn's community, hold a moral and ethical responsibility to improve conditions in neighboring districts. In addition to the efforts of current Penn students, I hope to spark further interest in Model UN and community service as a future Quaker.

In addition to the academic communities at Penn, I hold great interest in involving myself in the arts. Having pursued violin for nine years, Indian classical dance (Bharatanatyam) for four years and theater arts for three, I have built an innate affinity to the arts. An affinity which I look to pursue as an undergraduate at the University Of Pennsylvania. Specifically, Violin is a special activity to me and one which I consider very seriously; if accepted, I hope to partake in the Penn Symphony Orchestra for four years during my tenure at the University of Pennsylvania. I was delighted to learn that a few of the pieces Penn's orchestra performed in the past included: Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition and Shubert's Symphony no. 7 in b minor, pieces I have acquainted myself with through my musical studies. In addition, I yearn to experience the thrill of learning under the direction of Dr. Brad Smith and hope to improve my skill as a player and my ability as musician. While taking in all Penn has to offer, I also hope to contribute my years of learning to the community around me. In addition to offering my strong musical skills, I will also display the leadership and confidence I have gained through my study of music. Also, having lived in two countries and having moved several times in my life, I hope to add to the cultural and ethnic diversity of the University Of Pennsylvania as a whole. The strongest assets I contribute to the University of Pennsylvania and its affiliated communities, however, are my ability to learn through adversity and my rebound to setbacks.

In conclusion, while I hope to learn a great deal from my experiences at the University of Pennsylvania, I also hope to contribute to its campus and partake in its strive for excellence at all levels.
pennhopefull   
Oct 31, 2009
Undergraduate / I want to push the submit button tonight (Stanford) [19]

thank you! btw, i couldnt help notice...for your second essay, 139 cranes + 867 cranes = 1006 cranes...when you say "i folded the remaining 867..." that makes me think that you would stop at a thousand cranes...do you get a drift of what im saying?
pennhopefull   
Oct 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "Why I Shouldn't Go To College" [10]

i cant find your u chicago supplement essay...? could you post a direct link here, it would make it easier lol. and thanks for your critique!! it helped.
pennhopefull   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "Why I Shouldn't Go To College" [10]

thank you for your response...i am EDing to UPenn...i am not sure how much the length of the essay will affect how they view it...? If essays are that important, how can they "skim" through the essay? I thought it would weigh significantly in their admissions process?
pennhopefull   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "Why I Shouldn't Go To College" [10]

Rip this essay apart. I will be happy for your comments. Length: 824 words (last i checked lol)

As Bob Dylan aptly stated: "Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges". How can spending four years in an institution which will be responsible for my hair loss, sleepless nights and the consumption of detrimental amounts of coffee, be an appealing compensation for seventeen years of hard work? Although it may hardly seem alluring, an unprecedented number of high school seniors annually vie for highly coveted spots at very selective colleges; I am no exception to the rule. I, very much like thousands of other American high school seniors, am hoping to rejoice at the sight of an oversized mail from the University of my choice next spring. However, one night, while filling out a plethora of college applications, writing pages of essays (only later to find them in the garbage) and debating factors varying from financial aid to appealing fast food joints at college campuses, I was struck with a divine realization: How can the claim that a college education is essential for success be justified? Is this expectation, that a college degree is critical and preeminent for accolade and monetary success, a bare-faced lie that has been brainwashed into teenagers? College seems more like a haven for late night study sessions for tomorrow's "Psych 101" test and junk food binges from missed meals, than the ideal place to pursue a degree in higher education.

By the time undergraduate students frantically "explore" their college campus to hand in term papers, finish pending lab projects and work to pay off their tuition loans, they hardly find time to relax and lead a balanced lifestyle. Various surveys support the idea that a college degree adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income; however, it is disappointing to learn that this money is ultimately used to send his son to a university. In addition to the onerous financial situation attached with a college education, the work given in college seems more taxing. Although students feel a sense of accomplishment in achieving their daily tasks, they don't realize that they are victim to the vicious cycle of college demands. Such an experience with their undergraduate years leads many to question: Is college is indicative of success in life? Understanding the life of a college student makes one feel that students are in a haste to reach their goal and to conclude their college phase, but not to enjoy what has been labeled the "college experience".

As Ursula Leguin has appropriately phrased "It is good to have an end to a journey, but it is the journey that matters in the end." College is like a serpentine voyage. A journey filled with physical stress and mental anguish; however, it is also a journey where autonomy is established, passion discovered and the value of friendship understood. Facing the responsibility of living alone and managing a hectic schedule is overwhelming at first, but, these are the memories that often trigger nostalgia in students. The passing years of college establish one's character, build one's perseverance and aid in the realization of one's life's goal. Even though colleges come across as years of stress and 3 A.M review sessions, they are also very essential for your future. After all, isn't it the ideal place where one finds their future spouse?

Although it may not seem like it, the prodigious amount of work given in college is a tool meant to prepare students, not one meant to kill them. By advocating students to manage challenging tasks and pushing them to excel in multiple activities, colleges aim to instill the persona that determines success in the professional field. Specifically, colleges build determination, instill courage and establish organizational skills; many of the qualities required to succeed in life. In addition, a college stands on its own in many aspects. Isn't this the only place where there is a confluence of brilliant ideas from different cross-sections of society? Personally, I look forward to the days when late night studying is called for; clutching a Starbucks coffee in my left hand with a Computational Fluid Dynamics book in my right, I yearn to experience the frustration of finishing labs, studying for exams and doing my laundry all while holding a job.

In essence, predicaments are to be expected in college; the only way them around is through. The college experience is meant to be a maturation process, not a period through which one flies by. This transformation phase during the college years is vital, almost like a developmental stage in the lifecycle of a human being; missing out on it would not complete a person. Nowadays, a college education is essential to live in this world of unprecedented technological advancements. No one comes to college to achieve something, but, they all leave having acquired the capacity to succeed in anything...while losing a few strands of hair in the process.
pennhopefull   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Academic Community at UPenn [4]

What are a few examples of Academic communities at UPenn

What are a few examples of social communities at UPenn

I ask this to get a general idea of what to write about in my essay...I am very interested in Model United Nations and I would like to write that under "Academic Community" not sure if it fits?
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