Undergraduate / Eugene Lang- Tell us a time you were the minority [4]

It was 4:30 pm on a Friday afternoon. I was searching for a lane at the grocery store to buy mini apple tarts. The store was crowded, and the lines were long, it was an unpleasant situation. As I darted towards cashier number one, I accidently ran into an elderly woman's shopping cart. I repeatedly apologized and began to turn a bright shade of red. She turned her head slightly, and preceded to give me a dirty look that sent shivers up my spine. As she wheeled away, I heard her mutter in a disgusted voice, "Go back to your own country." I stood in shock.

Do you have any suggestions to what I should add or change? Thanks in advance!
The max. is 250 words, I've only used 106.

Undergraduate / Common App Essay-- A Train Ride In Japan [3]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I climbed up the worn stairs. I was sweating from heat and anxiety. Surrounded by a horde of unfamiliar faces, I stood on the platform waiting for the train. I couldn't understand what anyone around me was saying; I couldn't read the signs surrounding me. I was nervous, but I tried to act as if I belonged. I began to wonder if anyone could look through my attempt to act like a regular on this train.

I was extremely afraid. My parents never allowed me to go anywhere alone in my small town back at home. Now I was alone in a city in Japan. The sights and sounds filled me with terror. I had only used the sub way a couple times as a child when I had visited the city with my parents. I wasn't sure how I would survive on my own. I was used to someone holding my hand through life. This seemed like a bad social experiment to see how well I could hold up on my own.

As the train halted to a stop and people stepped aboard, I found a seat. A wave of relief crashed over me as I realized I could just look outside the window and clearly identify my stop. As the train began to move again, I realized that all the stops looked the same. But panic overtook me again. I took a deep breath and I began to count each station we stopped at. I remembered I had been told to get off at the fifth stop, Okayama Station.

I looked around at the array of people in my compartment. Their faces were relaxed and indifferent. They rode the train every day. They just suggested how naive I was.

I never thought much about my train ride in Japan, until I returned home. I realized that that train ride was the first time I had ever been completely alone. I was granted total freedom for 20 minutes. I had nobody telling me what to do. I had to rely on my own judgments and decisions. I was free.

After that first train ride, life seemed easier. I had finally gained courage. I walked taller and looked people in the eyes a little longer. Major changes in my life didn't occur because of this one ride, but it opened my eyes to the world around me. I learned that I didn't need to be guided around as a child anymore, because I was more than capable of taking hold of my life.

There is so much to see in the world. I can't allow myself to be limited. I have realized that to overcome your fears, you must face them head on. Once you have done that, you can conquer anything.