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Posts by kakashi1992
Joined: Oct 31, 2009
Last Post: Jan 18, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 10  


Displayed posts: 13
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kakashi1992   
Jan 18, 2010
Scholarship / APIASF Scholarship- how you plan to help fulfill the needs of your community [NEW]

In 500 words or less, please describe how you plan to help fulfill the needs of your community after you've completed your education.

Although I care deeply about all my community's desires, whether financial, educational, or even spiritual, I believe that my talents are best suited to fulfill my community's health care needs. After earning a medical degree, I would like to improve community health standards and increase opportunities for youngsters to involve themselves in clinical and lab settings.

As a medical professional, my education and training would allow me to evaluate and impact community fitness. Volunteering at Codman Square's Childcare Center during the seven-week Harvard Summer School Program showed me that an investment in health care can profoundly improve the well-being of a community.

Our first day as volunteers, Bill Walczak, the president and founder of the Health Center, greeted us and briefly summarized the neighborhood's history. During the 1960s, Codman Square, originally prosperous, saw race riots and violent protests. It lost intellectual and economic capital in the subsequent "white flight". Although, Codman Square remains an underserved neighborhood, Codman Square Health Center, founded in the late 1970's, continues to combat the pervasive poverty and violence of Dorchester and provide affordable healthcare for poor citizens, many on Medicaid.

The health center provides Public Health initiatives, Flu Clinics, Adult Education, and Youth Services. Additionally, its dedicated professionals help combat diabetes and HIV, and other exigent diseases in the population. By partnering with major organizations and offering free gym memberships to select patients, Codman Square Health Center has also decreased the number of overweight females in the community. It has also invested in Dorchester's education by founding a Charter School within the hospital.

In essence, Codman Square remains essential to the social and economic restoration of Dorchester. Like Dr. Paul Farmer, in Mountains Beyond Mountains, who founded modern medical clinics in the poorest parts of Haiti and other third-world countries, I believe that one person can make a tremendous difference.As Dr. Paul Farmer states, "We`ve taken on the major health problems of the poorest - tuberculosis, maternal mortality, AIDS, malaria - in four countries...and changed the discourse about what is possible." As a physician, I would like to follow Walczak and Dr. Paul Farmer's example and establish clinics to improve communities worldwide.

Additionally, I would like to provide more opportunities for youngsters interested in the health professions. As the child of Singaporean and Taiwanese immigrants with few connections to the higher-up's of society, I longed to involve myself in research opportunities, and clinical settings, but finding these resources and opportunities was difficult due to my family's limited connections. With a medical background, I will have the expertise to serve as a mentor for students aspiring toward health and clinical science.

Ultimately, my education remains the essential link between serving as a role model for Asian-American women everywhere and providing opportunities for young people to experience research and clinical practice. With APIASF's help, I can achieve my dreams of assisting and healing not only individual patients, but also improving my community's health care and well-being.

Thank you guys! It's due tonight at midnight!
kakashi1992   
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / Why Tufts Essay- A Mirror Reflection? [9]

Tufts' multiculturalism, world-class dining, interdisciplinary education, and, most of all, sense of community, clearly reflects elements of my own lifestyle.
kakashi1992   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Cornell Supplement- My love of politics [3]

Hey, here's the essay from before:

Here are my edits, Good luck! be sure to have others look this over...
"Let China sleep. For when China wakes, it will shake the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

I lived in China for four and half years. When I first came, there were houses that needed reconstruction. There were children excreting feces on the streets. I saw men swear in their seedy taxis as they drove. It was a coarse world, and to my sixth-grade self, China was repellent. But through the years I noticed progressive change happening around me. I saw the streets widen, the cussing attenuate, and the children civilized. Witnessing the consistent and rapid evolution of the Chinese nation astounded me. The booming growth of the Chinese economy and the awakening of the nation to global issues (and its innate Sinocentrism)(don't really understand this) will soon make China one of the leading nations on our world. Napoleon recognized China's potential long before its boom. Today, its potential runs rampant. Today China is envied by many for the global attention it draws.

(Maybe you could talk about Obama's complacency toward Chinese President Hu Jintao during his recent visit, and how Obama failed to resolve pressing human rights concerns involving Chinese labor, and failure to contract any significant agreement on reducing carbon emissions. Or how about China's actions at Copenhagen?)

China triggered my intellectual interest with the explosion in the number of skyscraper and automobiles nearby my apartment. At many building construction sites, the continuous drilling and clashing of metals seem like a cacophonous reflection of the nation's roar, waking from its long repose. ??? (what lion?) The Lion strengthened and advanced as the automobiles gave it velocity and mobility.

My intrigue for China intensified as I procured more knowledge about the Chinese culture and the traditions and pride of its people through my friends and courses at a local Chinese school. I peeked into its five thousand year history, sympathizing for its downfalls, and applauding its victorious occasions. Engrossed in its culture, I seemed to become a part of its rich story as I delved into its past. Whether I would celebrate the Chinese New Year with firecrackers and moon cakes or feel uneasy about the Chinese national soccer team's loss, I acted out from the affection for China. To see our 4000 year older brother grow in power and fortune, the Korean nation, I felt tacitly proud. Because China is waking up gradually and will soon fully stretch its paws to extend influence on other nations, I am captivated by the impact the Chinese nation will exert upon the world.

For me, the decades to come constitute the perfect timing to study about China. The zenith China's influence will coincide with the prime years of my research. With the knowledge of China and Asian-Pacific studies acquired from Cornell University, I want to connect other connoisseur and countries to the Herculean (??? really? herculean?) China. I will help people understand China and direct the international community can to work with China hand in hand. I also hope to collaborate with the others students at China's National Universities to further understand China in depth. And I would like to offer a third, objective point of view from the studies I have pursued outside of China for better analysis of where the China's relations with other nations is heading.

Today, many people, as I once had, look down on China for their lack of international etiquette and civility as a whole. But soon, economics and global forces will urge good relations with China. And I will contribute my unique perspective on China to those to seeking help. Until then, I will learn and wait patiently for the day when the world's nations cooperate globally with China to solve the significant issues facing us all. Napoleon was right. China's emergence will certainly shake the world.

(now refer back to the quote in the last sentence!)

Shouldn't China be the "sleeping dragon" ?
kakashi1992   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Brown-Best advice: "Be sexy, confident" [6]

I don't think that the essays are contradictory at all...

This essay is ultimately about resilience despite social pressures of conforming to your gender, and fits in with your high aspirations.
kakashi1992   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Academic and social communities in the University of Pennsylvania [11]

I don't think you should say "never heard of" ...perhaps something like:

I digressed from my main plans to go explore this ivy-league institution unbeknowst to me previously?

or just

I digressed from my main plans to go explore this ivy-league institution
kakashi1992   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Notre Dame Supplement Essay: "Martian Log 20A1, Come In Star Command" [4]

I am sooo confused. God/Christianity and Martians? This went totally over my head.
I think you need to establish some background and use vivid details in your essay; Perhaps show it to a few other people and ask them what they think and if they understand the essay...
kakashi1992   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "Communities- " UPenn Supplement [2]

I would be careful with the quote because the real quote says that

TRUE LEARNING should be the great Aim and End of all learning

and has been used extensively in UPENN promo's:

youtube.com/watch?v=nGpOizUIY60
kakashi1992   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Williams Supplement (300 words) ~ look through window at signif enviro. to you [3]

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

As snowflakes fall outside the fog-stained glass, I look inside the window onto the still waters of childhood, through the clear waters of my Middletown YMCA.

Here, I took my first swim lesson and braved the watery deep. Here, I swam a furious backstroke and twenty-lap five-hundred yard freestyle . Here, I touched the wall hundredths of a second before my competitor and learned the meaning of teamwork.

Of course, the pool would mean nothing without the people.

My brother and I, only one year apart, spent a majority of our childhood on the pool deck during swim meets. We socialized, made friends, ate snacks, and played card games. My brother's cheers propelled me to break my personal record in the 100 backstroke. And my mom would be in the stands, waiting for me with a hot thermos.

The start of each meet would be signaled by fifty Northern Middlesex Barracudas swimmers dancing to strains of the Village People's Y.M.C.A. My supportive teammates, an entire team would adopt disco poses in Speedos atop starting blocks.

After every swim, each coach had advice on improving my stroke. Coach Lin, a breast cancer survivor, would say, "you've got legs-now use 'em". And Head Coach Laura would say, "This isn't no Sunday swim", in short, speed up my tempo.

During evening practices, I would look outside those windows and catch a glimpse of snow, soft flakes falling down, illuminated by streetlights..."Snow's here!", coach called while shoveling snow into the pool deck. The coaches bring buckets of snow into the poolside, and for a minute, we'd have a snowball extravaganza.

Only now do I realize the importance that place had for me. Looking on the still waters, I now realize the determination, competitive spirit, and joy my childhood swim team has instilled in me. An elusive environment encouraged by family, swimmers, and coaches can turn a quiet poolside into a furious meet, supportive network, and for a few precious practices--a snowy wonderland.
kakashi1992   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "I'm normal in some ways" - Stanford supplement: letter to roommate [8]

I like your essay... perhaps add more quirky details; intersperse them throughout your essay using specific references. Perhaps you might also want to make the first part more short and concise: btw, VARY YOUR WORD CHOICE. Although it's a letter to your roommate, I still feel as if you should use some carefully chosen vocabulary... thesaurus.com

Every dorm room contains a normal roommate and a weird roommate. If you don't have a strange companion, then you are "the weird one". However dearest roommate, don't worry--because I will probably be the weird roommate.

At first, I'll seem perfectly normal at first. I'll be a little shy, friendly, and I'll smile a lot. But the shyness will disappear shortly after we meet. When this happens, I'll still be friendly and smile a lot, but please don't be alarmed when I pull out a ukulele and start to sing, "All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon as we're poisoning pigeons in the park." I don't really want to murder innocent pigeons, and I do sing normal songs, too (opposed to Tom Lehrer's "Pigeons In The Park"). And don't be alarmed when I come up with terrible jokes about 185 random objects walking into bars. Some of my wordplay isn't so terrible, and thinking of jokes is thoroughly entertaining. My closet is in rainbow order, I like to point out Mini Coopers when I see them, and I love to crunch numbers in a world where math is the not-so-popular runt of the academic litter.

I like to think I'm normal in some ways, though. While my ukulele, jokes, and academics are important, my family and friends transcend everything else in my life. When I can, I like to snowboard and play soccer. I thoroughly enjoy art and music, as well as the occasional rock concert. I hope that's enough for us to become good friends, Future Roommate.
kakashi1992   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Chemistry department and research opportunities, Emory Supplement (250 words) [3]

I'm at 293 words and it's supposed to be at 250.
Please help me make this essay within the word limit! <3

1. Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

Academically, Emory attracts me because of its world-renown Chemistry department and research opportunities. As a future physician, close proximity to the Centers for Disease Control and Emory University Hospital would provide valuable research and volunteer experience. Emory's chemistry department also impresses me since students who receive a 4/5 in AP Chemistry can enroll in Organic Chemistry as freshmen--a unique opportunity which paves the way for BS/MS degrees.

As a potential biomedical engineering major, Emory's resources and 4-2 partnerships with Georgia Tech would allow me to participate and collaborate with innovators on unique research projects and receive a world-class engineering education. The Wallace H. Coulter Department of Biomedical Engineering and INSPIRE, SURE, and SIRE initiatives also provide unique opportunities to conduct research with experts on stem cells, an area that greatly interests me.

Emory also matches my volunteer and environmental interests. After volunteering at Middlesex Hospital near my hometown, Codman Square Health Center during the Harvard Secondary School Program, and the Hattie Larlham Foundation (assisting mentally and physically disabled children) near my boarding school, I fully realize the richness volunteering brings to one's life and the impact one's compassion can have on a community. The presidential service award, and highest number of graduates going into the Peace Corps illustrates Emory's commitment to service, a commitment I highly value.

Lastly, Emory's environmentally friendly practices are also aligned with my personal beliefs. As a Green Campus Action Team (GCAT) member, I helped with Technology Drives (to recycle old computer parts), battery donations, and reducing the energy intake of our campus.Once every week, I would also empty the paper and cans from our dormitory's recycling bins. Although it wasn't particularly glamorous, recycling taught me that personal sacrifices must be made for the benefit of greater society.
kakashi1992   
Oct 31, 2009
Undergraduate / "My real estate bubble" - Stanford essay #1 & "Why I want to go to Stanford" [5]

I think that every applicant to Stanford has determination... so you above comment doesn't really make any sense. I think you should take that whole thing out, and allow your passions (perhaps for science and mathematics) to distinguish you as an applicant.
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