Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Posts by perejdam
Joined: Nov 1, 2009
Last Post: Nov 1, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

Displayed posts: 5
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Why did you chose this major?--Bucknell supp [3]

Humans, scores.

Your answer is a bit direct. Try and make it more personal and add some voice your piece. You want your writing to represent yourself in a positive and enthusiastic way. People reading your essay should be thinking: this student is really going to thrive in our engineering program
Nov 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / The View out my Widndow and what it means [2]

Thanks to all who help!

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you.

As I meander into the kitchen I glance through a frosted window at the mountains. Billowing cumulus clouds glide over the peaks. The westward faces of the mountains are still hiding in their own shadows. Though, nature is already at work in the valley below. A fiery ray of light illuminates the ski trails. I contemplate the coming of winter and the first snow. My thoughts continue to wander for a short while, until the scent of freshly brewed coffee brings me back. I reaffirm my sense of purpose as I prepare for the upcoming day. The mountains are my teacher, my inspiration, and my training ground. Though I spend much of my time racing down mountains, the majority of my time is spent climbing up them. It is 6am and I am finishing my first lap around the field. After a quick workout and a hearty breakfast with the ski team, the school day unfolds... I start my day with a primary productivity lab in biology, work on my derivatives after lunch, and culminate with a revealing discussion about modernism. I transition into a grueling anaerobic workout that is just as much a test of will as strength. I climb up the dining hall stairs to our weekly Interact meeting with exhausted thighs. We share ideas and experiences over dinner. Afterwards, we tally an income of over $150 from Saturday's bake sale for UNICEF. Twenty minutes later, I make the familiar commute home. The day is not complete until the dishes are clean and the dogs are fed. It takes more work to hike up a mountain than to ski down. The view out my kitchen window serves as a reminder of my intentions for each day.
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Diversity Essay-Illustrating the value of diversity in my life. [3]

Thanks in advance for your help!

The world is flattening and we are becoming more interconnected. New technologies are making it easier to collaborate with people all around the world. Consequentially, our fates are being intertwined. To move positively in the direction of our future we need to keep the interests of others in mind. Success is a group effort. It will require some effort but the benefits of collaboration are infinite.

I have lived in small New England towns for the majority of my lifetime, but I have a global perspective. I have made friends with people from all around the world. This past year Gould asked my family if we could host three Chinese students over a school break. My mother and I were glad to help out, and welcomed them into our home. We took them to Portland, ME to see the harbor lighthouse and explore Fort Williams Park. We even had dinner at an authentic Chinese restaurant in Portland. They were happy to be reminded of home.

I became good friends with Charles. He was more inquisitive than his friends. Steven and Won kept to themselves, and I hardly saw them except at meals. They focused intently on their Apple computer screens: talking to friends back home, checking the news, and listening to music. But Charles just wanted to talk. He had this insatiable desire to improve his English and learn more about American culture. We had company over for dinner one night. We had just finished our pot roast and had moved on to the blueberry pie with ice cream. I will never forget what happened next. Charles asked everyone what they thought about President Bush and the war in Iraq. My only impulse was to grin as our guests proceeded to debate the legitimacy of U.S. Foreign policy with Charles

Charles stayed with me again this October break. He accompanied me on a college visit to Boston. After the visits we explored the bustling corners of Newbury Street. We talked about calculus, clothing, and how Boston reminded him of his home in Shanghai. Whilst he was describing what a city 20 million people looks like I was reminded of something. Though Charles and I come from such different backgrounds and cultures, we were more similar than I could have possibly imagined. Yet, there always seems to be something new we can learn from each other.

Charles is an amazing friend. We have had some great conversations about politics and how to tackle complex calculus problems. There are the intangibles too. There is an incredible amount of opportunities in this world. My friendship with Charles taught me that an open mind and a flexible attitude will help you recognize them. As globalization continues to bring us together, these type of relationships are going to be the key to our success. The noble truth is that we are all people. People come from very different backgrounds and contrasting cultures, but that is what makes life interesting. The sooner we understand this truth, the sooner we can realize the benefits of collective collaboration.
Nov 1, 2009
Undergraduate / 'my dream with various courses' - Northwestern essay [3]

Undergraduate leadership program- is programme spelled correct?

Aid in my development- 2nd paragraph

get rid of greatly and just say levity-3rd paragraph

Your paper is very interesting and goes into thorough detail about why you want to attend Northwestern. My best advice is to try and tighten the essay by eliminating words or phrases that are not necessary to drive your point across.