KieuOanh151202
Aug 7, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 about a work-life balance: related problems and the best solution [3]
@Holt
Thank you very much
@Holt
Thank you very much
KieuOanh151202
Jul 31, 2022
Writing Feedback / Today's people are increasingly seeking the historical values of their houses [4]
Adding a background sentence for the statement will help your essay more logical, (but bare in mind it's just optional, you can skip if it is too difficult to write)
Adding a background sentence for the statement will help your essay more logical, (but bare in mind it's just optional, you can skip if it is too difficult to write)
KieuOanh151202
Jul 31, 2022
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that keeping pets is beneficial while others believe that it is a bad idea [5]
there are some words repeated over 3 times. You can use "debated" as a substitue for "agued" and paraphrase "owner" in other ways.
there are some words repeated over 3 times. You can use "debated" as a substitue for "agued" and paraphrase "owner" in other ways.
KieuOanh151202
Jul 31, 2022
Writing Feedback / Parents expenses on their children's sports and the number of children who participated in 3 sports [5]
I think the tone in your writing is not appropriate, it should be more formal. We should not use "we, I,...", "look at .." and express our opinions in WT1. In addition, there are many grammar errors such as " The line chart show", it should be "shows". And like Holt said, the way you wrote the overview was not correct.
I think the tone in your writing is not appropriate, it should be more formal. We should not use "we, I,...", "look at .." and express our opinions in WT1. In addition, there are many grammar errors such as " The line chart show", it should be "shows". And like Holt said, the way you wrote the overview was not correct.
KieuOanh151202
Jul 31, 2022
Writing Feedback / task 1: Pie chart : The question in the picture [4]
You can use " about a quarter" instead of "21%". In addition, I think the essay would be more coherent and cohesive if you break down categories in terms of their tendency, for example, in body 1, we can write about food and healthcare since that of Malaysia are both higher than Japan's, and then body 2 is about the remaining brackets which are opposite. Besides, we can use connectors between sentences.
You can use " about a quarter" instead of "21%". In addition, I think the essay would be more coherent and cohesive if you break down categories in terms of their tendency, for example, in body 1, we can write about food and healthcare since that of Malaysia are both higher than Japan's, and then body 2 is about the remaining brackets which are opposite. Besides, we can use connectors between sentences.
KieuOanh151202
Jul 31, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 about a work-life balance: related problems and the best solution [3]
Hi, I'm learning to write ielts task 2 essay, thanks for your assessment in advance. Would you mind focusing on assessing my word choice, task achievement, grammar, coherence and cohesion?
TOPIC:
What are the problems associated with this?
What is the best way to achieve a better balance?
These days, people tend to work with intensity as they aspire to a successful career. However, apart from work, life includes other aspects, so it can be very challenging for one to strive for a balance between professional and personal life. This essay aims to examine the two major issues that often stem from this social dysfunction and offer the most plausible solution.
It goes without saying/ It is apparent that these issues are health concerns and breakdown of family relations/ Lack of strong family bonds), which are linked to an excessive workload. Firstly, taking too many responsibilities of a job that are higher than one's available time and ability can lead to lack of rest affecting negatively mental and physical wellness. For example, workers who are often inundated with office duties may not get enough sleep and are more likely at risk of/ are at a higher risk of depression and cardiovascular diseases. Secondly, when individuals opt to spend most of the day in the workplace, they might hardly see their loved ones. Consequently, a poor interaction with family members would occur, facilitating weakening the ties. Parents that overcommit to work are a good case in point. Being absent from home regularly, they would rarely communicate with their offspring and two sides would not be close and understand each other as well.
Nevertheless, this scenario could be treated/ remedied/ mitigated/tackled by arranging a realistic timetable comprising activities in both personal and professional life. In other words, people should note down things that need to be done in order of priority and then limit time to complete each one, so that they can allocate their resources accordingly. This could not only help a person stay satisfied at work, but also have time to relax, recharge the batteries and strengthen the relationships at home. For example, employees can use applications to make a to-do list and set time for it. Because if they are put under pressure to finish a task in a certain amount of time, they will likely focus on truly important things and work more efficiently, thus, would reach targets in the company on the dot easier and get back to home earlier.
In conclusion, although there are many problems related to balancing different plates of work, family and other things, it can still be achievable by designing a suitable schedule.
For editing, content, and formatting needs please contact us at essayforum.com@gmail.com. Thank you! EF
Hi, I'm learning to write ielts task 2 essay, thanks for your assessment in advance. Would you mind focusing on assessing my word choice, task achievement, grammar, coherence and cohesion?
TOPIC:
Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do.
What are the problems associated with this?
What is the best way to achieve a better balance?
These days, people tend to work with intensity as they aspire to a successful career. However, apart from work, life includes other aspects, so it can be very challenging for one to strive for a balance between professional and personal life. This essay aims to examine the two major issues that often stem from this social dysfunction and offer the most plausible solution.
It goes without saying/ It is apparent that these issues are health concerns and breakdown of family relations/ Lack of strong family bonds), which are linked to an excessive workload. Firstly, taking too many responsibilities of a job that are higher than one's available time and ability can lead to lack of rest affecting negatively mental and physical wellness. For example, workers who are often inundated with office duties may not get enough sleep and are more likely at risk of/ are at a higher risk of depression and cardiovascular diseases. Secondly, when individuals opt to spend most of the day in the workplace, they might hardly see their loved ones. Consequently, a poor interaction with family members would occur, facilitating weakening the ties. Parents that overcommit to work are a good case in point. Being absent from home regularly, they would rarely communicate with their offspring and two sides would not be close and understand each other as well.
Nevertheless, this scenario could be treated/ remedied/ mitigated/tackled by arranging a realistic timetable comprising activities in both personal and professional life. In other words, people should note down things that need to be done in order of priority and then limit time to complete each one, so that they can allocate their resources accordingly. This could not only help a person stay satisfied at work, but also have time to relax, recharge the batteries and strengthen the relationships at home. For example, employees can use applications to make a to-do list and set time for it. Because if they are put under pressure to finish a task in a certain amount of time, they will likely focus on truly important things and work more efficiently, thus, would reach targets in the company on the dot easier and get back to home earlier.
In conclusion, although there are many problems related to balancing different plates of work, family and other things, it can still be achievable by designing a suitable schedule.
For editing, content, and formatting needs please contact us at essayforum.com@gmail.com. Thank you! EF
