Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 4

task 1: Pie chart : The question in the picture


Iloveielts 8 / 16 1  
Jul 27, 2022   #1

spendings in japan and malaysia



The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of household spending in terms of 5 categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Overall, the initial impression is the Japanese and the Malaysian spent most of their money on 3 categories: housing, food and other goods/services. It can also be seen that health care accounted for the least spending in both countries.

In Malaysia households, over a third of citizens' budget went on housing. This figure was higher than that of Japanese, which took up 21% of their total expenditure. Japanese householders pay their largest portion on a range of other goods and services, at 29% of their total spending, which was slightly more than that of the Malaysian. In terms of food, the figures for both nations were similar, at 24% and 27% for Malaysia and Japan respectively.

When it comes to transport, about a fifth of the Japanese householders' money was allocated into this category, which doubled that of the Malaysian. Health care consisted of smallest percentage of total expenditure in both nations, with 6% and 3% for Japan and Malaysia respectively.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4248  
Jul 28, 2022   #2
I would not use the word "illustrate" in reference to the images. The better reference point would be "compare" since that is what the data provided is for, a comparison of measurements covering the 5 aspects. If the writer can indicate the function of the images, the clearer the purpose of the images will be in the summary. It will fulfill the requirements for the summary overview in a more efficient manner. There are only 4 out of 5 trending observations made. It makes that section seems less developed than it should be. Next time, pick one target for the trend and present a high and low for only one topic. The rest of the comparisons can be saved for the actual reporting and analysis paragraphs.

Malaysia is the country being indicated for the topic. The people from that country are called "Malaysians". That is the reference that needs to be used when referring to the resident's of the country in the second paragraph. Familiarize oneself with the way citizens of various countries are referred to. Incorrect references affect the LR and GRA score.

householders'

The reference is for a plural form of the word so the proprietarial apostrophe reference should not be used in this presentation.
KieuOanh151202 1 / 5  
Jul 31, 2022   #3
You can use " about a quarter" instead of "21%". In addition, I think the essay would be more coherent and cohesive if you break down categories in terms of their tendency, for example, in body 1, we can write about food and healthcare since that of Malaysia are both higher than Japan's, and then body 2 is about the remaining brackets which are opposite. Besides, we can use connectors between sentences.
OP Iloveielts 8 / 16 1  
Jul 31, 2022   #4
Thanks Kieu Oanh


Home / Writing Feedback / task 1: Pie chart : The question in the picture