Undergraduate / interesting or amusing story about yourself - UGA prompt [8]

Dramatic first essay!! Are you the first grandson? Doesn't that make your being present for his death more important?? More suggestions and pointers for the first essay:

-When I had arrived (UPON ARRIVAL), I saw him, motionless, but still breathing. Our gazes met and locked; his piercing eyes stared into mine and I could see the pain within him. (HOW COULD YOU SEE PAIN WITHIN HIM? MAYBE YOU SAW PAIN IN HIS EYES?) Wow, you were lucky to see him right before he died!!

-I am a representational image of my family. (I REPRESENT MY FAMILY)

-It was I who turned on the cremator (WHO OR WHAT IS THIS??) NOT CLEAR

-My family and I then migrated to the river (METHINKS YOU MEAN CROSSED THE RIVER??)

I also liked your second essay, especially this part - made a verb and pronoun correction:

Being uptight and introverted just restrictS my way of living so I have discarded those characteristics. We (WHO IS WE - D'YOU MEAN "I??") have far more in common

Undergraduate / Common App Short Essay about Tennis help [4]

I really love tennis and have played for my town's team since I was 11 so I can understand the generalities you write about. But how about those who don't play tennis. Also keep in mind that everyone who plays tennis probably experienced the same things (making friends, fitness hobby, self-confidence.) Maybe instead of a laundry list, you can focus on what was the most important LIFE-CHANGING aspect of tennis that (in your last sentence) made you realize that (you) could be more if (you) wanted.

This decision literally changed my high school life, and got me where I am today. HOW? YOU NEED TO GIVE SOME SPECIFIC (CONVINCING) EXAMPLES. HOW DOES THE READER KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE WHOLE THING UP?

Undergraduate / Common app short answer "Fencing" [3]

Fencing is a good topic for the short essay. You might want to reorder your examples to fit your second sentence on learnings and add in teamwork as you mentioned this towards the end.

Every time I lose a Bout, I am grateful to my opponent for pointing out the areas I need improvement in (DOES YOUR FENCING PARTNER ACTUALLY POINT THEM OUT TO YOU?? Or DO YOU LEARN FROM HIS WINNING MOVES?? OR DOES YOUR OPPONENT SUCCEED TO FIND YOUR AREA OF VULNERABILITY??) Losing has taught me to value the chance to learn and improve from losses more than the fleeting taste of victory. (TRY REPHRASING THIS TO BE MORE SUCCINCT TO HAVE MORE PUNCH AS AN ENDING - LIKE A JOUST.)

Undergraduate / Essay on career progression/goals and how MBA would help in the long run [5]

I like the poem, too. It leads nicely into your second paragraph:
But, 6 months back (SIX MONTHS AGO,) I had two roads to choose from. One with a journey as a consultant, something I have been working for over the past seven years and the other as a social reformer, something I begun three years back. (TRY TO USE A MORE SPECIFIC WORD THAN 'something' and the verb 'have been working' if you are still doing this now.)

You repeatedly use the term (xyz YEARS or months BACK) and should simplify by recounting events in some order or chronology.

Then you can continue with your first paragraph:
After graduating from ISB, I plan to start a NGO to help underprivileged children build a sustainable living (WOULD HELP TO GET SPECIFICS OF HOW.)

This next section doesn't really fit - do you intend to demonstrate your qualifications as a consultant? (What kind of consultant?) Maybe this fits better when you talk about building your skill set by attending ISB:

Five years back, I envisioned myself as a strategic consultant in a big four (WHAT BIG FOUR??) Ever since I worked towards it by building my credibility and knowledge. I authored international papers, gained certifications and worked with one of the best consulting firms in India.

Undergraduate / Essay about my superhero in my childhood, which was my mother [13]

The second example I wrote above should have been this one:

2) She is a very strong woman who is a wonderful mother, wife and doctor at the same time.

( didn't catch that the first example was repeated...)

Undergraduate / "Small gestures in Japanese Culture" - Common app prompt [6]

The problem I have with your essay on gift giving being the most important aspect (?) or learning (?) of your month in Japan is that you don't write about any real personal interaction. I would think that unless your japanese is fluent, how did you communicate with your host family? Did you use body language? What I am getting at is that I am missing all the human interaction that takes place prior, culminating in the gift giving.

Sorry to resort to this overused cliche but you are telling and not showing. Specifically, in this sentence: I experienced the "lasting friendships" and the "warm acceptance" of my host family. (IT WOULD HELP IF YOU RECOUNT AN INCIDENT THAT MADE YOU FEEL THIS)

I found this the heart of your essay "it wasn't the value of the gift that was important but was the action of giving itself." I would have liked a better understanding of why the act of giving was important or fulfilling to you. I can't believe that your gratification comes just from grateful smiles.

"The true satisfaction in the end was receiving the grateful smiles that were on my host parents' faces on that first day." DID YOU ALREADY GIVE THEM GIFTS FROM THE FIRST DAY? The last day would be more credible (and their smiles more sincere...)

Undergraduate / Essay about my superhero in my childhood, which was my mother [13]

One comment I'm not sure you addressed (but then maybe this has been communicated to you in your language by others) is what is the best and worse trait you have "inherited" from your mother. The essay should be about YOU - and how your mother shaped you to be the unique persona you are. It isn't about how good of a mother she is.

Specifically, did she inspire you to be a leader or a doctor (you write only about her accomplishments, not their influence on you in these 2 excerpts:)

1) "She is very helpful, she is in charge of a private charity association which helps many families. It assists with habitat,education for poor children and health."

2) She is very helpful, she is in charge of a private charity association which helps many families. It assists with habitat,education for poor children and health.

3) She damages herself (DO YOU MEAN SHE WORKS TOO HARD AND THIS AFFECTS HER HEALTH? and I must admit she is very successful. IS SHE A ROLE MODEL FOR YOU?? WOULD YOU FOLLOW HER EXAMPLE AND WORK TO THE DETRIMENT OF YOUR HEALTH?

Undergraduate / An Opportunity Of A Life Time [3]

Is the essay question about an opportunity of a lifetime? Or a meaningful achievement? Instead of clamming many accomplishments from the first sentence, wouldn't it be better to leave this to the reader (maybe rephrase by "path that led to transformative growth.") LIkewise, you write: because my actions displayed dedication, commitment, and optimism. Wouldn't it to show this with specific experiences (instead of telling the reader your opinion and conclusion?)

For instance, you talk about being able to reduce the tuition fee thanks to sponsorship but miss the opportunity to impress the reader by explaining how you secured Merrill's funding.

but my limited knowledge was actually an advantage, WHY - please give examples.

The incident about the man with a taser in the bus is dramatic but tangential to demonstrate your bravery when your essay is about dedication & perseverance.

Undergraduate / "A sense of who you are" - Columbia Application Essay [5]

Wow - you commuted for 12 years to the same school? Not sure how many hours you spent at school, but let's say on average 7 hours per day, this means the commute is 22% of your school day!! Did you travel alone from Grade 1? As you grew up and became more independent, how did the commute change? Assuming your essay answers the topic prompt "the experiences which have shaped your life" I would have liked to learn more about these topics (in red) as they help me get to know you better (from your next to last sentence:)

In addition to many happy and sad memories (examples?) , they have endowed me with a great spirit of fortitude and perseverance (examples?) as I rode each day through all weathers (I THINK THIS SHOULD BE WEATHER CONDITIONS) merely because I knew I had to . (THIS LEAVES THE READER HANGING - GIVE A STRONGER REASON.) I am sure that this spirit will help me stay on track (WHAT DOES STAYING ON TRACK MEAN TO YOU? JUST PASSIVELY SITTING ON THE TRAIN AND WAITING UNTIL IT ARRIVES?) as I stop by the many stations the railroad of life (WHAT DOES STOPPING BY MANY STATIONS MEAN TO YOU?) has to offer me.

Your writing flows well and this was easy to read. Your topic has a lot of potential which can easily be further developed!!

Undergraduate / failure, extreme sport, turning point - choosing essay topic [2]

Out of your 3 choices, it's obvious to me that your best choice would be the third question as you don't have a positive response to the first 2 questions.

Based on what you wrote, you are able to answer it well: "true turning point comeS when I realize who I am, what is my mistake in the past and what I want to do in the future."

Try writing an outline of the three points i.e.
1) your realization of who you are
2) what was the mistate in the past you learnt the most from
3) what you want to do in the future

That should make a good essay.