aguafria22
Dec 11, 2009
Undergraduate / under the Costa Rican sky - UofM Diversity Short Answer [8]
Mustafa1991
I'm sorry, I don't see what your talking about?
Mustafa1991
I'm sorry, I don't see what your talking about?
aguafria22
Dec 11, 2009
Poetry / Mother Earth - 'You use me and abuse me'; Poem-Revisions [5]
thanks for your great input, lol I guess I should have used better wording, I was just looking for a copy edit, thanks so much though!!
thanks for your great input, lol I guess I should have used better wording, I was just looking for a copy edit, thanks so much though!!
aguafria22
Dec 10, 2009
Undergraduate / under the Costa Rican sky - UofM Diversity Short Answer [8]
Thanks very much, you make a good point
How about this sentence instead:
Diversity often divides people but having to trust each other as scuba buddies established a bond that looked beyond borders.
Could you look at my other essay if you have time?
Thanks very much, you make a good point
How about this sentence instead:
Diversity often divides people but having to trust each other as scuba buddies established a bond that looked beyond borders.
Could you look at my other essay if you have time?
aguafria22
Dec 10, 2009
Poetry / What do you think, Life Poem - Trying a new style [4]
Trying a new style here...
Life
Tired.
Confused.
Lost.
Found.
For now.
Overload.
Monotony.
Change.
When.
Now.
Infinity.
Love.
Hate.
Perspective.
Subjective.
Seconds.
Decades.
Is it worth it?
Is what worth it?
Trying a new style here...
Life
Tired.
Confused.
Lost.
Found.
For now.
Overload.
Monotony.
Change.
When.
Now.
Infinity.
Love.
Hate.
Perspective.
Subjective.
Seconds.
Decades.
Is it worth it?
Is what worth it?
aguafria22
Dec 10, 2009
Poetry / Mother Earth - 'You use me and abuse me'; Poem-Revisions [5]
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Over and over again
You use me and abuse me
You rip out my insides
and guzzle my thick ebony blood.
You Drag your industrial claws
Over my delicate organic skin.
You construct your concrete towers
And destroy my vivacious forests
What makes you so special?
Don't you see?
You are not the sun
But rather a very small speck in time
You weren't always this way
Back when we first met
You've changed
For the worse
It will never be the same
Hope is running out
You think you own me
Like you are here forever
But it was just yesterday I met you
And tomorrow you will be gone.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Over and over again
You use me and abuse me
You rip out my insides
and guzzle my thick ebony blood.
You Drag your industrial claws
Over my delicate organic skin.
You construct your concrete towers
And destroy my vivacious forests
What makes you so special?
Don't you see?
You are not the sun
But rather a very small speck in time
You weren't always this way
Back when we first met
You've changed
For the worse
It will never be the same
Hope is running out
You think you own me
Like you are here forever
But it was just yesterday I met you
And tomorrow you will be gone.
aguafria22
Dec 10, 2009
Undergraduate / "I loved the water" - UM Short Answer, Issue of Local Concern [6]
I didn't really use think too often...could anyone proofread my updated draft?
Does the essay fit the prompt well? Is it too generic? Does it seem personal? Is it boring? Thanks everyone!!
I didn't really use think too often...could anyone proofread my updated draft?
Does the essay fit the prompt well? Is it too generic? Does it seem personal? Is it boring? Thanks everyone!!
aguafria22
Dec 10, 2009
Undergraduate / "I loved the water" - UM Short Answer, Issue of Local Concern [6]
Thanks, great suggestions....
Thanks, great suggestions....
aguafria22
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / The most unhappy day in my life ("my father was in bed for ever") [5]
No problem, your love for your father really shows through your writing. Just remember, never include information that is not needed, and remember to stay in the same verb tense. Great job!!
No problem, your love for your father really shows through your writing. Just remember, never include information that is not needed, and remember to stay in the same verb tense. Great job!!
aguafria22
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Short Answer - murder trial [5]
I don't think which tense matters, it is about sticking with whatever tense you choose. Keeping it in the present tense will give it a more real and suspenseful feel.
I don't think which tense matters, it is about sticking with whatever tense you choose. Keeping it in the present tense will give it a more real and suspenseful feel.
aguafria22
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / The most unhappy day in my life ("my father was in bed for ever") [5]
This is a beautiful essay topic, I'm not sure what the prompt is so I don't know if your answering it correctly but here are my suggestions:
The worst day of my life, my father was in bed forever. Before going to work, I was a little surprisedthat my father was still asleep. I thought to myself, "Is he okay?". Icame near to his bed and looked at him through mosquito net. He appeared to be asleep. I called his name, but there was no answer. Panicking, I rolled the mosquito up and discovered he was not breathing. My world turned upside down. I cried out in agony as my heart ached.
Soon after many people rushed into my house because they couldn't believe my father was dead.Just yesterday evening they still saw my fatherwas taking his usual walk in the rice field. Amongst the crowded, there seemed a few people crying in company with me. From the time I realized my father never came into his sensesMy brothers andI sat motionless by hislifeless body. I held his cold hand while my tears soaked my cheeks.I didn't want to leave his side, even for a moment, I knew it was the last time Iwould sit beside him.
Between my brothers, my father loved me the most.My father was my best friend. He rarely scolded at me. When I felt sadhe was always there for me.My father knew what I was thinking even when I couldn't speak. He provided me with all I could ever ask for. He supported my aspirations even if he didn't agree with them. He was my Buddha in real life.
My father is gone forever. When he was alive I took him for granted. I thought I wanted bigger and better things, I thought I wasn't happy. It wasn't until my father's death that I realized nothing made me happier than a peaceful day, both my parents by my side. My family is my happiness. (I think this is what you are trying to say)
I'll never forget the happiness my father brought to me. Even after his death I believe he is always with me.Whenever I feel sad or apprehensive about something, I whisper to him, "Daddy, where are you? Are you here?" .It brings me peace because I know somewhere, he is listening.
This is a beautiful essay topic, I'm not sure what the prompt is so I don't know if your answering it correctly but here are my suggestions:
The worst day of my life, my father was in bed forever. Before going to work, I was a little surprisedthat my father was still asleep. I thought to myself, "Is he okay?". I
My father is gone forever. When he was alive I took him for granted. I thought I wanted bigger and better things, I thought I wasn't happy. It wasn't until my father's death that I realized nothing made me happier than a peaceful day, both my parents by my side. My family is my happiness. (I think this is what you are trying to say)
I'll never forget the happiness my father brought to me. Even after his death I believe he is always with me.Whenever I feel sad or apprehensive about something, I whisper to him, "Daddy, where are you? Are you here?" .It brings me peace because I know somewhere, he is listening.
aguafria22
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / "I loved the water" - UM Short Answer, Issue of Local Concern [6]
Any advice and criticism will be greatly appreciated. Does the essay answer the prompt well? How about grammar spelling? Thanks so much in advance!!
Discuss an issue of local concern. Why is this issue important to you? How do you think it should be addressed? (approx. 500 words)
Growing up I loved the water; I think I learned how to swim before I could walk. I used to spend hours pretending I was a mermaid in Pinckney's Chain of Lakes. Summer was my favorite time of the year; being out on the water, summer breeze in my hair, out on the boat with my family. I've witnessed some of the most serene nature and breathtaking sunsets on the Huron River Chain of Lakes. I love everything about the Huron River Watershed; the smell of the water, ice-skating on winter's frozen lakes, the snapping turtles perched on the fallen trees, the sandy beaches, canoeing from Dexter to Ann Arbor; the river has been and will always be a significant part of my life. I want it to protected so it can thrive for many generations to come.
Not only does the Huron River Watershed bring exquisite beauty to South Eastern Michigan but also supplies drinking water for about 150,000 people. Unfortunately, like many of Earth's water systems, development, soil erosion, impaired water bodies, and non-point source pollution threaten the river. Since people are the source of most threats to our water systems we must protect them! Careless human behavior compromises our water quality and ultimately the health of local plant and animal species, including us. The majority of the pollutants found in the Huron River Watershed come from local residents. Runoff water from creeks and storm drains flows into our river, on its route it is polluted with fertilizer, pesticide, pharmaceuticals, oil, automotive fluids, and many other household products. Cleaning the bathroom, washing the car, or flushing medicine are all deemed harmless but in reality these common practices, without precaution, can pose threat to our local water sources. All these pollutants lead to too much phosphorus in the water systems, depriving the water of oxygen, and suffocating the plants and animals that live there.
People are the main source of pollutants found in the water; this means that everyone can do something to help clean up our beloved water source. I think the most important solution to this problem is awareness. Education is the best defense for cleaner water; more education means more people to fight for the protection of our water. Leading by example and getting the community involved is the best way to preserve our wonderful Huron River Watershed. I believe that most people would not choose a bright green lawn over clean drinking water. Alert neighbors to reduce, or better yet eliminate, the use of chemical fertilizers and pesticides on their lawn could create a positive impact in quality of our water. Urge friends and family to switch to environmentally friendly cleaning products and detergents; low to no phosphorus content. Wash the car at designated car washes and dispose of oil and other fluids properly. Teaching somebody else about the harmful effects of common pollutants have on our water source is the best way to protect them for the future.
The Huron River Watershed has been an important aspect of my life; spending time on the water has created lasting memories and I am grateful to live near such an amazing water source. I hope that the children of the future will be able to benefit from the Huron River Watershed as I have. Education and community involvement is the only chance we have to fight for clean water and keep the Huron River a thriving water system. Working together as a community and spreading the word about how to live greener so we can sustain our important fresh water sources.
Any advice and criticism will be greatly appreciated. Does the essay answer the prompt well? How about grammar spelling? Thanks so much in advance!!
Discuss an issue of local concern. Why is this issue important to you? How do you think it should be addressed? (approx. 500 words)
Growing up I loved the water; I think I learned how to swim before I could walk. I used to spend hours pretending I was a mermaid in Pinckney's Chain of Lakes. Summer was my favorite time of the year; being out on the water, summer breeze in my hair, out on the boat with my family. I've witnessed some of the most serene nature and breathtaking sunsets on the Huron River Chain of Lakes. I love everything about the Huron River Watershed; the smell of the water, ice-skating on winter's frozen lakes, the snapping turtles perched on the fallen trees, the sandy beaches, canoeing from Dexter to Ann Arbor; the river has been and will always be a significant part of my life. I want it to protected so it can thrive for many generations to come.
Not only does the Huron River Watershed bring exquisite beauty to South Eastern Michigan but also supplies drinking water for about 150,000 people. Unfortunately, like many of Earth's water systems, development, soil erosion, impaired water bodies, and non-point source pollution threaten the river. Since people are the source of most threats to our water systems we must protect them! Careless human behavior compromises our water quality and ultimately the health of local plant and animal species, including us. The majority of the pollutants found in the Huron River Watershed come from local residents. Runoff water from creeks and storm drains flows into our river, on its route it is polluted with fertilizer, pesticide, pharmaceuticals, oil, automotive fluids, and many other household products. Cleaning the bathroom, washing the car, or flushing medicine are all deemed harmless but in reality these common practices, without precaution, can pose threat to our local water sources. All these pollutants lead to too much phosphorus in the water systems, depriving the water of oxygen, and suffocating the plants and animals that live there.
People are the main source of pollutants found in the water; this means that everyone can do something to help clean up our beloved water source. I think the most important solution to this problem is awareness. Education is the best defense for cleaner water; more education means more people to fight for the protection of our water. Leading by example and getting the community involved is the best way to preserve our wonderful Huron River Watershed. I believe that most people would not choose a bright green lawn over clean drinking water. Alert neighbors to reduce, or better yet eliminate, the use of chemical fertilizers and pesticides on their lawn could create a positive impact in quality of our water. Urge friends and family to switch to environmentally friendly cleaning products and detergents; low to no phosphorus content. Wash the car at designated car washes and dispose of oil and other fluids properly. Teaching somebody else about the harmful effects of common pollutants have on our water source is the best way to protect them for the future.
The Huron River Watershed has been an important aspect of my life; spending time on the water has created lasting memories and I am grateful to live near such an amazing water source. I hope that the children of the future will be able to benefit from the Huron River Watershed as I have. Education and community involvement is the only chance we have to fight for clean water and keep the Huron River a thriving water system. Working together as a community and spreading the word about how to live greener so we can sustain our important fresh water sources.
aguafria22
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Short Answer - murder trial [5]
This is a good start to an essay, what is the prompt? If you could add a little more background information that would bring the reader into your shoes, which is what you want.
This is a good start to an essay, what is the prompt? If you could add a little more background information that would bring the reader into your shoes, which is what you want.
aguafria22
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / under the Costa Rican sky - UofM Diversity Short Answer [8]
Oops probably would help if I posted the prompt:
"We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research." (U-M President Mary Sue Coleman) Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. (250 words)
Oops probably would help if I posted the prompt:
"We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research." (U-M President Mary Sue Coleman) Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. (250 words)
aguafria22
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / under the Costa Rican sky - UofM Diversity Short Answer [8]
If anyone could read this and edit for grammar, spelling, punctuation I would really appreciate it. Any criticisms are also greatly appreciated, does the essay answer the prompt?
The directions state that the answer should be APPROXIMATELY 250 WORDS.
I have 288 words, is that going to be okay, should I condense more, should I add more, is the message clear? Thanks anyone who can help!! :)
Aboard a vessel at sea, under the Costa Rican sky, I was about to venture to an underwater world for the first time. My dive partner and I suited up; we shared our enthusiasm in a language not my own-my world expanded. Diversity connected us rather than divided; having to trust each other as scuba buddies established a bond that looked beyond borders.
Afterward, lunch was served; Sofia shared with me fresh carambola (star fruit) and we chatted about our lives. There was immediate connection; we both love coffee, she has a monkey-I have a cat, we both play the guitar, and neither of us watch much television. She taught me how to name the ocean life in Spanish and I attempted to describe snowflakes. Sofia and I are very different, she comes from a large Catholic family; I grew up in a liberal home with a single mother and two sisters, but conversation carried on as if we were childhood friends. Nobody would have guessed that we just met and lived 2,300 miles apart.
I realized that distance, skin color, and language shouldn't get in the way of friendship; amazing people are all over the globe just waiting to be discovered. With an open mind and heart the possibilities are endless. It's refreshing to encounter new cultures, underwater and above. I left Costa Rica with unforgettable experiences and most importantly a friend. Connecting with people across the globe helps people appreciate differences and co-exist peacefully. I want to continue opening my mind to new cultures and people, attending the University of Michigan will do just that. I am one of six billion and counting, but I am one vibrant fish in the sea.
If anyone could read this and edit for grammar, spelling, punctuation I would really appreciate it. Any criticisms are also greatly appreciated, does the essay answer the prompt?
The directions state that the answer should be APPROXIMATELY 250 WORDS.
I have 288 words, is that going to be okay, should I condense more, should I add more, is the message clear? Thanks anyone who can help!! :)
Aboard a vessel at sea, under the Costa Rican sky, I was about to venture to an underwater world for the first time. My dive partner and I suited up; we shared our enthusiasm in a language not my own-my world expanded. Diversity connected us rather than divided; having to trust each other as scuba buddies established a bond that looked beyond borders.
Afterward, lunch was served; Sofia shared with me fresh carambola (star fruit) and we chatted about our lives. There was immediate connection; we both love coffee, she has a monkey-I have a cat, we both play the guitar, and neither of us watch much television. She taught me how to name the ocean life in Spanish and I attempted to describe snowflakes. Sofia and I are very different, she comes from a large Catholic family; I grew up in a liberal home with a single mother and two sisters, but conversation carried on as if we were childhood friends. Nobody would have guessed that we just met and lived 2,300 miles apart.
I realized that distance, skin color, and language shouldn't get in the way of friendship; amazing people are all over the globe just waiting to be discovered. With an open mind and heart the possibilities are endless. It's refreshing to encounter new cultures, underwater and above. I left Costa Rica with unforgettable experiences and most importantly a friend. Connecting with people across the globe helps people appreciate differences and co-exist peacefully. I want to continue opening my mind to new cultures and people, attending the University of Michigan will do just that. I am one of six billion and counting, but I am one vibrant fish in the sea.
aguafria22
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Connecting with other cultures' - Short Answer Michigan--Diversity Essay [4]
Your essay is off to a good start except for one MAJOR issue!!!
Go bucks??????????????
Please get to editing that immediately, should be Go Blue! Or Go Wolverines! But "Go Blue!" is the universal motto for University Michigan students/alum/fans....there is a warning on their website, nothing more offensive then getting the name of the school, mascot, or motto wrong.
Your essay is off to a good start except for one MAJOR issue!!!
Go bucks??????????????
Please get to editing that immediately, should be Go Blue! Or Go Wolverines! But "Go Blue!" is the universal motto for University Michigan students/alum/fans....there is a warning on their website, nothing more offensive then getting the name of the school, mascot, or motto wrong.
aguafria22
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / 'My hero is no James Bond.' PURA VIDA! Common app essay [8]
Excellent essay topic!! I love Costa Rica and their way of living and life motto. It is really a beautiful place.
On to your essay, well I edited and was able to get it to 732 words, I'm sure more cutting could be done and still get the message across. You writing is good but needs much work, you need to learn to use the passive voice, you writing should sound like your talking or telling a story.
"That same little boy who grabbed my hand as I was getting off the bus captured my attention again. I looked at his shoes. "
Read that sentence out loud, can honestly say that is how you would speak if you were telling this story in an admission interview?
Writing well isn't about using as many big words as you can or sounding extremely formal, which is what you do in this essay. It is okay to be descriptive but don't be overly descriptive, if it doesn't add to the story then leave it out. Look up and utilize writing with the ACTIVE VOICE.
Excellent essay topic!! I love Costa Rica and their way of living and life motto. It is really a beautiful place.
On to your essay, well I edited and was able to get it to 732 words, I'm sure more cutting could be done and still get the message across. You writing is good but needs much work, you need to learn to use the passive voice, you writing should sound like your talking or telling a story.
"That same little boy who grabbed my hand as I was getting off the bus captured my attention again. I looked at his shoes. "
Read that sentence out loud, can honestly say that is how you would speak if you were telling this story in an admission interview?
Writing well isn't about using as many big words as you can or sounding extremely formal, which is what you do in this essay. It is okay to be descriptive but don't be overly descriptive, if it doesn't add to the story then leave it out. Look up and utilize writing with the ACTIVE VOICE.
aguafria22
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Studying Spanish" - U of M Diversity Essay Question [12]
Your right, thanks, I've give it another go focusing entirely on the second paragraph.
Your right, thanks, I've give it another go focusing entirely on the second paragraph.
aguafria22
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Studying Spanish" - U of M Diversity Essay Question [12]
Would ending the first paragraph with how important I think being bi-lingual is connect the two paragraphs better. Are there any sentences that I could leave out?
Would ending the first paragraph with how important I think being bi-lingual is connect the two paragraphs better. Are there any sentences that I could leave out?
aguafria22
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Studying Spanish" - U of M Diversity Essay Question [12]
Yeah I see what you are saying, I guess I'm just having trouble because I am a non-traditional transfer student, I am 23 years old and I have a lot of experiences I want to share but the word limit is killing me.
Yeah I see what you are saying, I guess I'm just having trouble because I am a non-traditional transfer student, I am 23 years old and I have a lot of experiences I want to share but the word limit is killing me.
aguafria22
Nov 14, 2009
Undergraduate / "Studying Spanish" - U of M Diversity Essay Question [12]
Thanks for your comments John, I guess I am more of a creative writer so it is hard for me to not write in descriptive sentences, that is why this assignment is such a challenge for me. Let's just say this started at about 350 words, but I'm trying, any input is well appreciated!!
Thanks for your comments John, I guess I am more of a creative writer so it is hard for me to not write in descriptive sentences, that is why this assignment is such a challenge for me. Let's just say this started at about 350 words, but I'm trying, any input is well appreciated!!
aguafria22
Nov 13, 2009
aguafria22
Nov 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "Studying Spanish" - U of M Diversity Essay Question [12]
"We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
I need some help with this question, I've only been pondering it for a few days, but I would like some feedback, am I going in the right direction, does this answer the question?
I started exploring the world when I moved away from home. It was Pittsburgh, not Indonesia, but for me it was a jungle. Immersed in an entirely new environment-my world expanded. From then on, it became my mission to meet many faces and travel many places. So far I've learned it's not always about clothes, skin color, hairstyle, musical preference, or sexual orientation. Focusing on exterior differences blocks the ability to see the person on the inside. Everyone is unique; it's diversity that makes Earth a beautiful place, without it life would be lackluster. Looking beyond the surface lets me gain wisdom from every person I encounter. I think that language is an amazing gift to humanity and it the vast amount of languages spoken across the globe is stunning. Learning a foreign tongue can only open doors, and should be essential to any educational path.
Studying Spanish is one of the most rewarding experiences. Aboard a vessel at sea, under the Costa Rican sky, about to venture to an underwater world for the first time, my dive partner and I suited up. We shared our enthusiasm in a language not my own, my world broadened again. It's refreshing, experiencing new cultures, underwater and above. I was left Costa Rica with new experiences but most importantly a friend. Connecting with people across the globe is the only way the people of this world are going to co-exist. Trying new things and connecting with different people makes me a better person. I've learned to overcome language barriers, to play guitar, write poetry, wakeboarding, road tripped across country, helped an animal, fed the hungry, and I'm looking to continue expanding my mind, attending the University of Michigan will do just that. I am one of six billion and counting, but I know I am one vibrant fish in the sea.
Word limit-- 250
"We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
I need some help with this question, I've only been pondering it for a few days, but I would like some feedback, am I going in the right direction, does this answer the question?
I started exploring the world when I moved away from home. It was Pittsburgh, not Indonesia, but for me it was a jungle. Immersed in an entirely new environment-my world expanded. From then on, it became my mission to meet many faces and travel many places. So far I've learned it's not always about clothes, skin color, hairstyle, musical preference, or sexual orientation. Focusing on exterior differences blocks the ability to see the person on the inside. Everyone is unique; it's diversity that makes Earth a beautiful place, without it life would be lackluster. Looking beyond the surface lets me gain wisdom from every person I encounter. I think that language is an amazing gift to humanity and it the vast amount of languages spoken across the globe is stunning. Learning a foreign tongue can only open doors, and should be essential to any educational path.
Studying Spanish is one of the most rewarding experiences. Aboard a vessel at sea, under the Costa Rican sky, about to venture to an underwater world for the first time, my dive partner and I suited up. We shared our enthusiasm in a language not my own, my world broadened again. It's refreshing, experiencing new cultures, underwater and above. I was left Costa Rica with new experiences but most importantly a friend. Connecting with people across the globe is the only way the people of this world are going to co-exist. Trying new things and connecting with different people makes me a better person. I've learned to overcome language barriers, to play guitar, write poetry, wakeboarding, road tripped across country, helped an animal, fed the hungry, and I'm looking to continue expanding my mind, attending the University of Michigan will do just that. I am one of six billion and counting, but I know I am one vibrant fish in the sea.
Word limit-- 250
