Undergraduate / UC prompt 1: Gunn High [2]

can anyone help look this over for me?

Prompt #1

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

As one would expect at the school with the highest SAT scores in the state, academic priorities predominate all others. The life of a typical Gunn High School student, and his continuous struggle for good grades, goes as follows. Monday through Thursday consists of homework, studying for tests, and after-school sports and activities, leaving no time for socializing. Fridays, which are usually something to look forward to, are often dreaded by most students because of all the tests scheduled. Once the final bell rings, instead of gaily skipping out of class and singing about the weekend ahead, there is always the lingering regret of not performing as well on a test as one could have. Due to this obsessive emphasis on grades, the sense of pride one feels after finally understanding the concept behind derivatives or price elasticity of demand has been completely overshadowed by the score that one receives for a test on that chapter. The focus of school has slowly been shifting from getting a good education now, to getting a good education in the future by receiving exceptional grades now.

This idea that has evolved out of growing competition is obviously flawed, but because it is so central in my community, it has shaped my way of thinking. I have found that one cannot just act as a ball of clay waiting to be molded by society's hands. Instead, each one of us must be the sculptor of our lives, absorbing the advice of those around us while putting our own creative twist on it. While I admire the work ethic of others in their mission to receive high grades, and attempt to mimic their diligence, I feel that focusing on the learning aspect of school will better prepare me for the future.

Instead of focusing on one career early on and taking classes accordingly, I have enrolled in a variety of classes in order to find a subject that I am passionate about. Although I have yet to discover this golden passion in one particular subject, there is still an assortment of topics that interest me and guide me in a general direction. By having a solid understanding of a vast array of knowledge at my fingertips, I feel less restricted, and more able to experiment different paths in life. Throughout high school I have seen the results of sole-devotion to grades, and due to these observations I have chosen to stray away from that particular view point, hopefully, this will lead to a more satisfactory future for me.

Undergraduate / Prompt #1-- What my school has done to me! [4]

I rewrote my prompt 1 essay and was wondering if anyone could take a look at it and give me some advice. :)

Prompt #1: "Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community, or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

First period is always killer, after waking up from sleep that was cut short by anxious studying for tests. Throughout the day, the learning and testing is mediated by our interactions with friends, only because by the end of the day, we are back reviewing and studying all over again.

We had been warned our sophomore year.
"The outside world is dog-eat-dog", my well-learned Chemistry teacher lectured, "and it is absolutely necessary to prepare for the harsh reality after high school. What is learned from this day forward will build the foundation for the rest of life." His words bore a hole in our brains.

Every so often, I come across a mom, and the question of which school I attend is brought up. The common response to my answer is a flurry of more questions about this school that all moms seem to know somehow. My only reply is of short and concise words: hard work, passion, high standards. These are the characteristics of this stellar school that has taught me and classes of past students the ways of life after high school.

At my school, working hard is hard work. I never enjoyed homework or studying, as most students would admit with me, but working hard is the only option here. This method has pushed me to handle the task. Even with nights full of homework, I do not blow past them like chores, but treat them as the take-home quizzes they are meant to be. With upcoming tests and little time to study, I expend all my effort into doing whatever I can. My school has provided me a preparation for the countless more nights of work in college and beyond, coming as an extremely handy trait.

With passion, I was not born knowing it. As a child, I switched my dream job often. I remember wanting to be a policeman because I believed I could speed on the highway when no one else could; I wanted to be a teacher because I had so many great game ideas to play with other kids; I wanted to be a veterinarian because I loved dogs. With my high school, the environment is not only open, but also supportive for such desires. I have been able to explore all the subjects of my interests, and finally choose science as my passion. I love understanding how and why things work the way they do, and my high school has been so strong on building upon this curiosity that I do not want to be anything but a doctor. This stable student body has made me a believer of a true passion and the fulfillment of it.

Just as with passion, I did not create a standard right away. Different schools and different environments tested my many views on the future. At my current school, though, I have learned from fellow "overachievers" to set high, yet attainable goals. Thanks to peers and the school environment, many more students have their "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question answered. With this, my high school has set a bar, reachable but also a long ways up, and this has only prepared me for what life has in store.

Undergraduate / UC essay #1: school and everything that comes along with it [5]

Can anyone give me suggestions for my first essay, "Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, community, or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations"? I had quite some trouble writing it in the first place, so it would be a major help if at least someone would look at it.

The outside world is dog-eat-dog, they say. It is absolutely necessary to prepare for that harsh reality after several secure years of high school. What is learned today will build the foundation for your life after high school. Pay attention and try hard, lectured our well-learned sophomore Chemistry teacher. At least he was right about one thing when he said what we learn now will push us on through college and beyond. No one knew, though, how crucial those years at Gunn really were.

Every so often, I come across a mom, possibly a friend of my parent's, and the question of the school I attend is brought up. The common response to my answer is a flurry of more questions about this most talked about school that all moms seem to know. I only give them short and concise answers for their inquiries: hard work, passion, high standards. These are the characteristics of this stellar school that have taught me and classes of other students to deal with upcoming life.

Gunn has taught me the essence of hard work. To do well is not to blow past homework as a chore, but to do it with understanding and acceptance that it is created as a take-home quiz. Fantastic teachers, so devoted to their job of educating all who move, truly help their students by writing up stacks of brain-busting homework problems and mind-boggling tests. And, although I do admit staying up until two to finish homework and study is not all that exciting, it has taught me discipline. This preparation for more years to come of hopeless cramming has enabled me to accept work and its counterparts.

As for passion, Gunn is the beginning of the road to satisfying mine. A supportive school environment has allowed me to pick and choose my interests, such as science and my desire to understand why and how things work. Surrounded by friends and family who have cheered me on, I have raced from subject to subject, discovering my interests. Excellent teachers with well-planned curriculums have filled my curious mind with the teas of diverse information. A stable student body and intense teachings have made me a believer of developing passions early in life.

And, of course, there are the school's high standards. All Gunn nerds, as we are called by other schools, have come together to radiate ambition and motivation to all that enter through the pillars of our school. For me, I have learned from my fellow "over-achievers" to set high, yet attainable goals. And, thanks to Gunn, many students have had their "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question answered. We no longer want to be those street performers we see jumping out at people from behind bushes, or those pretty models in the window. Instead, to be an engineer, an entrepreneur, or a doctor, as I aspire to be, are common goals. Gunn and its students have set a bar, reachable yet a long ways up, and this has only prepared me for what life has in store for me.